


daylight

by sparklylulz (sparklyulz)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, College Student Rey (Star Wars), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Holiday Setting, I probably should have made Ben meaner, M/M, Professor Ben Solo, just trope after trope after trope, please ignore the lack of plot, rey is not ben's student, romcom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 47,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28273215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparklyulz/pseuds/sparklylulz
Summary: “Don’t worry,” She said with a soft smile, “I feel it, too.”It was Ben Solo’s turn to raise a confused eyebrow at her.“The loneliness of abandonment,” She said gently. “It never really goes away.”Or: the modern AU fake dating fic
Relationships: Finn & Rey (Star Wars), Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey & Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 65
Kudos: 116





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. I started this fic on December 20, 2019. It took me a year, so I hope people are still looking for fluffy Reylo content to mend the hole left by TROS. I'm very proud of myself for finishing this, which is the longest fic I have ever written. Writing this story helped me survive 2020 and starting my own doctorate. All 4 chapters are complete and I will be posting one a day. Seeing as this fic is set largely at the holidays, it felt right to share it with you all now.
> 
> I'd like to thank my best friends and fellow Adam Driver simps, Sara and Kylie, for being my tireless cheerleaders and waiting patiently to read this fic while sending me Ben Solo gifs as encouragement. 
> 
> This fic was inspired by Taylor Swift, and god bless her for giving me two more albums to use as writing music this year. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy my humble contribution to the Reylo universe. I'm not ashamed to admit this is mostly just a bunch of tropes wrapped in a trench coat. I hope you all have a safe and warm holiday season.

* * *

_“My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in--everyone looked worse in the light.  
_ _There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven;_  
_I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye.”_

* * *

The sheen of fresh rain glittered under the streetlamps as Rey made her way along the familiar path, stepping up her usual pace to ensure she wouldn’t be late for a second time in as many days. This was her favorite time to be out in the city -- traffic wasn’t bumper to bumper, there were no horns or rush-hour power walkers. It was just her and the early morning fog lying in wait for the world to wake up to another sunrise.

Her headphones rested comfortably over her ears. She chuckled at the memory of Finn’s incredulity the first time he had seen her come into the shop in the dawn light, sliding her headphones down around her neck.

“Don’t you know it’s dangerous to go walking around with _noise-canceling_ headphones at this hour?” He had asked, not even bothering to introduce himself to the newest hire at the little bakeshop. 

“Don’t you know it’s rude to insinuate I can’t handle myself just because I wear headphones on my way to work?” Rey retorted, thinking that if this man knew all the things she had seen -- all the streets she had lived on -- he would understand that being afraid of her walk to this bakery in a sleepy neighborhood was laughable. 

Finn had stared hard at her, sizing up this new girl with her foreign accent and strange cascade of buns. He noticed the backpack slung over her shoulder and the long staff trailing from behind her. 

“Is--Is that a _staff_?” Finn asked with laughter at the edges of his tone.

“Like I said, I can handle myself,” Rey replied, her tone defiant, and she watched his expression shift from wary to welcoming.

“Anyone who carries around a staff to deter attackers is alright in my book,” He grinned. “I’m Finn. You must be the new girl Rose was telling me about.”

Rey would never forget Finn’s eyes that morning, soft and sincere, filled a genuine kindness that felt so rare from strangers. The apron around his neck was clean, and his fingers were warm when she had reached out to take the extended handshake he offered. 

“I’m Rey,” She smiled in return. 

Her first day had been nearly a year and a half ago, but Finn still shook his head every morning when she entered the door, her backpack, staff, and headphones all in their same places. Now it was familiar, the smell of the shop at 5:30 a.m., and the stillness of the air before their regulars filed in to start the morning. 

The bakeshop was deceptively small at a glance from the street. Nestled within an old building, the length of the shop ran deep -- with an upstairs sitting area for local students or anyone looking for free WiFi. There was a lived-in feeling to the atmosphere, and it was easy to see how this little place had gained such a large following amongst local university students, as well as faculty and staff members.

The morning crew consisted of Finn and Rose in the bakery, with Rey managing the coffee bar and register. Rey had applied for this job for two reasons; firstly, she was a broke student trying to complete her post-graduate degree and her stipend wasn’t making ends meet; and secondly, the bakery was a five-minute walk from her building on campus.

“Gooood morning,” She said in a sing-song voice, entering the shop and placing her belongings in their usual spot behind the counter.

“Is it, though?” Rose mumbled, reaching for a baking sheet in the counter display. 

“Ignore her, she was out partying last night,” Finn grinned to Rey, a bag of flour flung over his shoulder. He raised his voice and turned toward Rose. “That’s what you get for hanging out with the second-year med students.” 

“What!?” Rey said incredulously, turning on her friend and rolling her eyes. “I thought you and Klaud were done!”

Rose looked a little sheepish as she slid the glass panel into place and turned to face her friends, “We are. I went to hang out with Paige.”

“Mmhmm,” Finn said from his position in the kitchen. “And that’s why you’re wearing heels this morning to work? Not because you had to do the walk of shame at 5 a.m.?”

Rey burst out laughing as Rose turned toward Finn, but before Rose could light into him properly, the bell over the door jangled to alert them to their first customer of the morning. Jess looked just as tired as ever as she made her way to the counter.

“Coffee, for the love of God, give me coffee,” Jess said, brandishing her debit card at Rey, who was still chuckling. Jess gave a mock-disgusted expression, “There is nothing on earth funny enough to laugh about before 6 a.m.”

“Bad shift?” Rey sympathized as she set about brewing Jess’ normal latte. 

“Dr. Solo kept us in the lab all night. I swear to God, I have aged five years this semester alone,” She prodded her reflection in the napkin dispenser. “I think he must be a vampire. He never seems to sleep or go home. I assume he just hangs upside down in his office, draining the blood from unlucky first-year students who come in unannounced.”

Rey had, of course, heard Jess complain about her PI before. It was becoming a morning routine at this point. Jess always seemed to pull the graveyard shift in the lab, which Rey felt was categorically unfair. If she had to work all night and then still try to manage her course load, she’d certainly complain as much as Jess.

“Well at least it’s just a few days until Christmas break,” Rey smiled, handing the hot to-go cup to Jess, who took it gratefully and even managed to crack a smile. They didn’t get a chance to say goodbye, as more of the morning regulars began to filter in the door. 

Rey rather loved her job -- the repetitiveness of making coffee, the routine of the same customers, the feeling like she _belonged_ somewhere. She had never really had friends before Finn and Rose, seeing as she spent most of her life moving around England before scrounging up enough money to get to America and her dream graduate program. It was nice, even at the time of year that most reminded her of how alone she was, to not feel so lonely. 

“Oh, God. It’s Dr. Dameron,” Finn hissed, a little breathlessly, and Rey looked up from the espresso machine to follow Finn’s gaze out of the large window wrapping around the edge of the bakery. Sure enough, the attractive outline of Finn’s crush was making his way to the door, and as always, showing up after the early morning rush.

“Finn, he comes in every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday,” Rey said, exasperated by her best friend’s drama. “I would think you’d be used to it by now.”

“As if I could ever get used to seeing Adonis walking amongst mere mortal men,” Finn sighed, leaning on the counter and pretending he wasn’t watching Dr. Dameron enter the queue. 

Dr. Dameron was one of the professors in Rey’s department, but she had never been his student. His tendency to teach esoteric subject matter almost exclusively for dissertation capstone research courses meant there was no intersection with her own trajectory. Still, she had met him in the halls on many occasions, and she served him coffee three times a week, much to Finn’s delight. 

“Good morning, Dr. Dameron,” Rey smiled. “Same as usual?”

“Rey, please call me Poe, I am begging you,” He said, face scrunched up with distaste. “Every time someone calls me ‘Dr. Dameron’, I am one step closer to turning into my father.”

It was familiar, this comedy routine, as Rey could never see herself being comfortable with calling a professor in her department by his first name. Instead, she just rolled her eyes and grabbed a large to-go cup, scribbling ‘ _Dr. Dameron_ ’ on it in defiance. 

“Finn, how’s your capstone coming?” Dr. Dameron asked easily, leaning against the counter as Rey reached to grab his usual cranberry-orange scone.

She had to give Finn props, he never let a smidge of nerves tinge his conversations with Dr. Dameron. He was equally relaxed in his response, “Oh, you know how programming is -- we all want to be the next breakthrough in AI, but instead just end up with broken code over and over again.”

“Ah well, that’s the glamor of academia for you,” Dr. Dameron grinned, his handsome eyes dancing mischievously in the mid-morning light. “We all seem to spend more time _disproving_ things than proving them.”

“Well, at least we don’t have to spend all our time with rats,” Rose said from around the door to the kitchen. She shuddered at the thought. Rose wasn’t cut out for dealing with any kind of rodent, as Rey had learned the hard way once.

“No, you just spend your time trying to diagnose us with whatever disorder you’re studying that week,” Finn called over his shoulder and rolled his eyes, and Dr. Dameron gave a chuckle, which Rey was sure Finn wouldn’t shut up about for _weeks_ once the older man left. 

In glancing up to the clock, Rey gave a start. “Shit!” She exclaimed, looking around at Finn and Dr. Dameron. “Where is Kaydel? My class starts in ten minutes.”

As if her prayer was being answered, Kaydel came through the door in a rush, her hair half-pulled back, looking like she had sprinted to the bakery. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold, and she slid behind the counter, flung her apron on, and turned to greet everyone watching her with mild amusement. 

“You guys wouldn’t believe the morning I’ve had— my landlady and her pet raccoon were—“

But Rey couldn’t stay for the end of another one of Kaydel’s wacky stories. She pulled her backpack from behind the counter, waved goodbye to Finn, Dr. Dameron, Rose, and Kaydel, and rushed out the door to head for her building. 

The rain was quickly turning into sleet, and as she rounded the nearest corner, she fumbled in her bag for her umbrella. Unfortunately, she collided with a very firm _something_ and was sent spiraling down to the concrete sidewalk with a ladylike, “ _Umph._ ”

Looking up, Rey realized it wasn’t a _something_ but rather _someone_ she had collided with on the sidewalk. Clothed in a black wool coat, hands covered in black leather gloves, with a black umbrella held aloft, this man seemed to scream _Byronic._ He stared down at her, an unconventional handsomeness etched into his features. His long black hair was slightly damp, as though he had been caught in the rain before he could open his umbrella. She came back to her senses and realized the wet from the sidewalk was seeping through her tights and pulled herself to her feet, bending to retrieve her umbrella. 

“Uh, sorry about that,” She said awkwardly, privately thinking how rude it was to not even _offer_ a hand to help someone up off the ground. 

“I suppose it _i_ _s_ hard to pay attention to where you’re walking when you don’t bother to prepare your umbrella _before_ charging headlong into oncoming foot traffic,” was the dry response from the stranger. Considering he hadn’t tried to avoid colliding with her, she felt his remarks to be unnecessarily rude. 

Rey set her shoulders and hardened her gaze, “And I suppose it’s hard to accept an apology with grace when you’re an arsehole.” 

She didn’t bother to wait for his reaction -- she was late as it was -- and instead thrust her umbrella above her now wet head and charged off toward her building on campus. Even after entering her classroom, she sat fuming about the pompous prick outside the bakeshop. It was her last class until the new year, and it took a few moments for her to realize Dr. Holdo was speaking directly to her. 

“Something on your mind, Rey?” She asked, a slight twinkle in her eye as Rey jumped at the sound of her own name. 

“Lord Byron, actually,” Rey said after a moment’s pause. “ _‘_ _Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure; men love in haste but they detest at leisure_.’”

Dr. Holdo chuckled, “Well, at least if you’re daydreaming in class, it is literature-related. Now, as I was saying, I’ve read over your proposals and am impressed with the diversity of topics from this cohort.”

When she had first begun her post-graduate work, Rey had found great comfort in Dr. Holdo as a mentor. Though she was a good student, Rey always struggled with feeling like an imposter in this world of higher education. Most of her classmates came from wealthy families or were extremely competitive high achievers, who regarded their peers with wary distrust. Being wholly unprepared for the cutthroat nature of her Ph.D. program, Rey had taken to Dr. Holdo, with her purple hair and “I won’t take any shit” attitude, almost instantly.

As the class was dismissed, Dr. Holdo called out to ask Rey to step into her office. Obliging, Rey entered the familiar space, filled with wall-to-wall bookshelves. Dr. Holdo gestured for Rey to sit across from her large oak desk. On the corner of the desk sat a picture of Dr. Holdo and her wife, their twin boys sandwiched between them. It made Rey’s heartache to stare at the image, so she turned to her mentor with an expectant look.

“Rey, I wanted to speak with you before we dismissed for the break about your prospectus,” Dr. Holdo smiled, relaxing into her desk chair with ease. “Your study of orphans through the lens of 19th-century literature is very inspired, especially with the connections you draw regarding _Frankenstein_.”

Rey flushed, feeling as she always did, slightly embarrassed that she was being given any amount of praise at all, so she responded awkwardly with, “Oh, uh, thank you.”

“Really, Rey. Your intuitive understanding of thematic connections and unique perspectives is very refreshing for an old professor such as myself,” and Rey smirked a little, seeing as Dr. Holdo couldn’t be older than 50. “I asked you to stay behind to let you know that I have a teaching assistant position opening in the spring, and I would like to offer it to you.”

Rey was dumbfounded. She felt her mouth open slightly and color rush to her cheeks. 

“Oh, Dr. Holdo… I don’t know if--” But Dr. Holdo cut her off with a tut.

“Rey. It’s time you started to think about your future. You’re a gifted student and classroom leader. I think you have great promise as a professor, and this would give you a foot in the door. Do you really want to be serving coffee for the rest of your life?” Dr. Holdo’s expression was kind but firm in its challenge to Rey. “It’s time _you_ started believing in yourself.”

Rey blinked, thinking how ridiculous it would be to cry at that moment. She had never really allowed herself to think about the future. Her life had always been one step at a time; just to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Could she allow herself the hope of getting what she wanted?

“Dr. Dameron agrees with me, and you would be assisting us both,” Dr. Holdo said, apparently not entertaining for a second that Rey might turn down the offer. “The pay isn’t great, but I’m sure you would make more than you do at the bakery.”

The shop. Rey couldn’t just _leave_ the shop. 

“You’d be working around 20 hours a week, maybe more around finals, if we need you, so you can always keep some hours at your other job,” Dr. Holdo continued as if she had read Rey’s mind.

“Dr. Holdo, I don’t know how to thank you--” Rey began, but Dr. Holdo reached across to lay a hand across Rey’s.

“Rey. You’ve _earned_ this. There’s no reason to thank me. You’ll start as soon as we get back from break, so enjoy your time off.” She said kindly, patting Rey’s hand and leaning back, indicating the end of their conversation. “Feel free to drop into Dr. Dameron’s office to tell him the good news.”

She gathered her things in a daze, hardly allowing herself to believe what had just transpired. Teaching had always been her dream but never had she thought it would be attainable in her field. Moving down the hall, she saw Dr. Dameron’s door was slightly ajar.

Knocking once, she peeked her head around the corner and found herself looking at Dr. Dameron, lounging with his feet up, deep in conversation with the arsehole Rey had run into that morning outside the bakery. 

“Rey! Please tell me you’re here to tell me you’ve accepted the TA job,” Dr. Dameron grinned, and Rey gave him a nod. 

“Thank god. It’ll be nice to have some help in the spring,” He said, then noticed Rey was staring at his companion, who was staring back at her just as intensely. “Where are my manners? Rey, this is my friend, Dr. Ben Solo, he teaches in the bioorganic research program. Ben, this is Rey, one of our brightest students and the best latte foam artist I know.”

So _this_ was Dr. Solo. Well. She understood why Jess complained so much about him. It defied reason that someone as amiable and well-adjusted as Dr. Dameron would be friends with such a sourpuss.

“Nice to meet you, Dr. Solo,” Rey said, just as Dr. Solo responded dryly, “We’ve met.”

Dr. Dameron bit his lip in the obvious attempt not to laugh out loud, “Ooookay. Well, in any case, I’m glad to hear you’ve accepted the job. Dr. Holdo shared your prospectus with me -- I’m happy to help your dissertation in any way I can.” 

Rey, who finally managed to tear her eyes away from Dr. Solo, gave Dr. Dameron a genuine smile, “Thanks, Dr. Dameron. I hate to run but I promised to watch the shop this afternoon. Have a good break.”

She retreated before either man could respond to her. Standing in the hall, looking for her headphones in her bag, she couldn’t help but overhear the conversation that transpired after she retreated from the doorway. 

“I tell you, Ben, we don’t get students in our department as talented as Rey very often anymore,” Dr. Dameron was saying. “You’d like her, you know, she’s smart as a whip. She’s not bad on the eyes either.”

Ben Solo cleared his throat, “Poe, you think undergraduates can provide stimulating conversation. I hardly trust your judgment. In any case, she is not remotely interesting enough to tempt me, even in a platonic sense -- though she does have nice eyes, I suppose.”

What a bastard.

Rey shoved her headphones over her ears and made her way down the hallway, hoping that this was the last she would see of Ben Solo for the foreseeable future. Twice in one day he had managed to insult her without even bothering to attempt pleasantries. She pulled her umbrella out before exiting the building, clenching her jaw at the thought of the morning run-in.

It was nearly sunset by the time she finished locking up the shop after covering the rest of Kaydel’s shift so she could do her final lab rotation of the semester. Rey walked along the backstreets that led to Finn and Rose’s apartment, excited to share her news and have a chance to vent about her misfortune of meeting Dr. Ben Solo. The rain had given way to a snowy mixture with the onset of nightfall, and Rey wondered if they were in for their first proper snow of the season. She used to hate the cold, back when she had no warm place to call her own at night, but now she found she didn’t mind it so much. Cold air had a fantastic tendency to clear the senses and ease her temper. 

The snow resembled glitter as it fell past the trees wrapped in strings of white Christmas lights. She thought again of Ben Solo, of the contempt in his eyes as he looked at her in Dr. Dameron’s office, of the way rain had slid off his leather-gloved hand, of how deceptively _solid_ he was. The thought carried her into her friends’ apartment, where she found five open to-go containers of Chinese food and her usual spot on the old recliner in the corner waiting. 

“God, I cannot believe she gave _him_ a rose,” Finn was saying as Rey flung her bag down and grabbed a plate. “Why do women always choose the trash option?”

“Oh, because you have such a great track record,” Rose rolled her eyes, her legs stretched across Finn’s lap. “Remember when you and Hux were—”

Finn made a choking noise and gave Rose a sharp look of deep betrayal, “We promised to never speak of that lunacy _ever again._ ” 

Chuckling to herself, Rey took her seat across from her friends and began shoveling food in her mouth at an alarming pace. She’d never really learned how to eat like she wasn’t starving— it was just a byproduct of starving for much of her life. Finn and Rose didn’t notice, or if they did, they chose not to say anything. Instead, Rose peeked out of the window behind the sofa, watching the snowfall. 

“I think you better stay here tonight, Rey,” she said, frowning slightly at the white road. “Paige is staying out tonight with whatever idiot has caught her attention this week. You can take her bed.”

It wasn’t the first time Rey had stayed over, and part of her was immensely grateful to not have to walk home in the snow and the full way back to work in the morning. 

“Thanks,” Rey said, her mouth full of pork dumplings. 

“Charming, pumpkin,” Finn smirked. “Why you haven’t found a boyfriend is truly a mystery of the universe.”

Without a pause, Rey lifted a nearby pillow and threw it unceremoniously at him. He caught it with ease and tucked it behind his back, still grinning. 

“How’d your proposal go today?” Rose asked, ignoring the pillow-throwing to look at Rey. 

Choking down the last bite, Rey smiled. 

“It went great!” She took a deep breath before speaking the truth out loud and making it seem much more real than it had before. “Holdo offered me a TA position in the spring.”

The reaction of her friends did not disappoint. Finn dropped the remote he was holding and Rose jumped up with excitement and rushed over to hug Rey. Rose was always a hugger and had forced Rey to assimilate out of sheer preservation. At this moment, Rey found herself unbelievably happy. The memory of Dr. Ben Solo stirred in the back of her mind, but instead of allowing him to ruin her mood for the third time in one day, she pushed past it and focused on the present. 

“—always knew you would get a chance,” Rose was saying. “I mean we will miss you at the shop, but—“

“Oh. I’m going to stay on at the shop,” Rey smiled. “I would only be working 20 hours a week for Dr. Holdo and Dr. Dameron.”

As if in a comedy sketch, Finn dropped the remote he had just stooped to pick up, jaw hanging open.

“You’re working for Dr. Dameron!?” He all but yelled at her from his half-bent position. 

“I’m sure I can get his autograph for you,” Rey said dryly. She found herself wondering briefly if Dr. Dameron _was_ seeing anyone, but he struck her as the type to be put off by commitment. 

“You should be grateful to be the luckiest person on earth,” Finn replied. “Maybe you can find out what he thinks of me… in a casual, off-the-cuff sort of way.”

Rose tutted and rolled her eyes, “Yes, Finn, I’m sure Rey will get right on that between completing her dissertation and working two jobs. She will have plenty of time to fix your hopeless love life.”

Turning back to Rey, Rose added with concern, “Rey, that’s going to be a lot on your plate. Maybe you should—”

But Rey didn’t want to hear that she _couldn’t_ manage another measly part-time job, and her jaw jutted out in defiance. “The TA position may only be temporary. I need to keep my job at the shop in case something were to happen at the end of the semester.”

Rose didn’t push the point any further, but Rey felt it wasn’t the last she’d be hearing of it. Finn had been busying himself in the tiny kitchen pouring the last bit of wine into three glasses. 

“To Rey, who may actually graduate someday, unlike the rest of us wretches,” He winked, passing a glass to his companions and lifting his own. 

“To Rey, who will remember us, the little people, when she’s making the big bucks as a professor!” Rose said, hoisting her own glass. 

Rey snorted, and blushing, she raised her glass to her lips. She could never express to either of the people in the room with her how much it meant to simply have friends to share in her victories. It was perhaps the best part of her day. 

As she tucked into Paige’s bed that night, she nodded off to sleep, the thought of deep brown eyes and raindrops on leather danced at the periphery of her subconscious. 

The next morning found nearly five inches of fresh snow on the ground as Rey, Finn, and Rose made their way to open the shop at the usual time. Rey was thankful for her spare set of clothes, kept in her backpack in case of any coffee-related incidents. Her boots left a solid trail as she pulled the door to the shop open and allowed Finn and Rose inside ahead of herself. 

The lights came on easily, everything just as she had left it when she’d locked up the night before. She slid her belongings behind the counter and switched on the sound system. 

“Oh, God, please don’t pick the Christmas channel. Kaydel played it constantly after you left yesterday,” Rose said, her face screwed up in exasperation as she gathered trays to fill with the morning pastries. 

Rey rolled her eyes and set it to the usual soft indie station that Finn called, “Songs for people who think they’re a lot deeper than they actually are.” All in all, she felt that probably suited their clientele the best. 

She hummed, pulling down syrup bottles for refilling and fresh cups for the day ahead, reflecting that Christmas was only a few days away. The shop would be closed and Finn and Rose usually invited her over if they weren’t already engaged with other friends. She didn’t mind being alone on the holiday — in fact, sometimes she thought she preferred it. 

The bell over the door signaled Jess entering at her usual 5:51 a.m. timestamp. She wore that same exhausted expression, but today Rey felt it was mixed with sheer relief. 

“I survived the semester! I don’t even have to _think_ about Dr. Solo for three blissful weeks,” She said, wistfully smiling at her reflection in the napkin dispenser. 

The name sent a jolt through Rey, who blurted without thinking, “I met him yesterday.”

Jess shot her a bemused look, “What did you think of him?”

Hiding her blushing face behind the espresso machine, Rey swallowed back her embarrassment at being called _uninteresting_ by such a dreadful man. 

“He seems a miserable sort,” Rey said, pouring steaming milk into a large cup. “But I only ran into him briefly.”

Snorting and offering her debit card, Jess nodded. “That’s him. You know, I Google stalked him once. His mother is fairly famous politically. She was a diplomat under three presidents!” The tone of gossip crept into Jess’ voice, and Rey listened with an inexplicable interest. 

“And his dad had a show on PBS! He’s some great dealer of artifacts and antiques. Imagine celebrating Christmas at the White House on occasion _and_ having two vacation homes as a child and still turning out as unpleasant as he is,” Jess finished with a rush. 

Rey mulled it over in her mind. She supposed Dr. Ben Solo had been groomed for the world since he was a child. Strange, to think how disparate their lives had been, and how ungrateful she felt him to be for it. 

“Well, that’s how it is for people who have a decent brain, lots of money, and are remotely good-looking,” Rose said, twisting dough into familiar round rings on the counter. 

Jess laughed, “He _is_ kind of hot in a weird, gloomy sort of way. I think that’s all that got me through my night shifts some days.”

 _Byronic_. Rey thought again. She could picture him, black cape billowing on the edge of a cliff by the sea. The image gave way to a small smile appearing on her lips. 

“You agree with these two maniacs, then?” Finn asked incredulously as he passed by with fresh croissants for the display case. 

Rey cocked her head to one side, “I honestly haven’t thought much about it.”

Lying so close to Christmas was probably a sure-fire way to end up on the naughty list, but something told her not to go into how very much she _had_ thought of Dr. Solo — so much so that he had featured in all of her dreams last night. She felt her face flush at the thought. Was it not enough for him to ruin her waking hours… but now her sleeping ones, too?

She shook her head in an attempt to refocus on the conversation at hand. Rose was busy haranguing Finn for commenting on anyone’s thoughts on the attractiveness of others considering his own “fully tragic track record”. 

Jess grinned at Rey, “I hope you have a great Christmas— thanks for keeping me alive this semester.” 

“Thanks. Enjoy your break! Thanks for keeping us employed,” Rey said in return, watching Jess make her way to the door. 

“You’re the cheapest therapist I’ve ever had! Stay warm!” Jess’ final words of goodbye were muffled by the wind as the door swung shut behind her. 

The morning passed rather slowly. Most of their college students were scattered for the holiday. The occasional tourist would drop in, either comically over or underdressed for the weather. Rey passed the time with Finn and Rose by catching up on gossip and discussing all the things they wanted to do (but probably wouldn’t) over the break. 

Rose was counting boxes of muffin liners, “I really want to cook more— the takeout diet is seriously damaging my savings account and gastrointestinal health.” 

“I want to read again for fun,” Rey said. “I read all the time, but it’s never just for the joy of a new book.”

Finn bit his lip as he thought about his break from class, “I want to sleep and eat and do pretty much nothing else in between.”

“Can’t fault a man for that,” Dr. Dameron’s familiar voice came from behind the counter. Rey jumped and turned to face him, wondering how he’d managed to sneak up on them. 

“Well, if Finn manages to stay home enough to sleep in his own bed, I’d be surprised,” Rose rolled her eyes with affection. 

Finn preened, “I cannot help if I’m booked and busy, oh jealous one.”

“Just wait. One day you’ll be old and thrilled at the idea of being able to just roll over and go back to sleep because you won’t give a fuck about your social calendar,” Dr. Dameron said with a chuckle. Rey couldn’t help but roll her eyes. 

“You’re not _that_ old, Dr. Dameron,” She said, pulling a gallon of milk from under the counter. 

“You _do_ age me approximately five years every time you refuse to call me ‘Poe’,” He said, pointing a mock-accusatory finger at her. “So really, I’m one foot in the grave already.”

“Well, that’s our Rey, Dr. D,” Finn laughed. “Tell her to do one thing, and she’s so stubborn she’ll do the opposite just to prove a point.”

Dr. Dameron scrunched his face up, “Oh, God, not _you_ , too! You’re not even my student!”

Turning to grab a lid for his to-go cup, Rey caught a glimpse of Finn’s expression, which for one beat was totally caught off guard by Dr. Dameron’s statement. She smirked to herself and watched Rose stifle a chuckle from her position over the glass display counter.

“You know we lowly doctoral candidates wouldn’t dream of being so familiar with the all revered doctoral teaching staff, no matter the department,” Finn responded, watching Dr. Dameron’s face. 

Dr. Dameron threw his head back and laughed, “You guys are seriously the worst, I don’t know why I come here every morning. If I’d known earning a doctorate would result in this level of gravitas, I would’ve stuck to being a starving writer.”

He took his cup from Rey, who offered a sympathetic, albeit amused, expression, “Well, you come here because it’s all of five minutes from your office and unlike _some_ places, we don’t burn our beans.”

“You got me there, Rey. I’ve been telling Ben that for literal years… but he’s not exactly what you or I might call ‘flexible.’” He grinned, and Rey swore he threw a wink at Finn for good measure.

The mention of Ben Solo caused a slight sweat to break out on Rey’s neck. She certainly didn’t have any interest in his _flexibility_ or having him become a regular fixture of their morning routine at the shop. His level of contempt was already insufferable, she couldn’t imagine having to _serve_ him without the temptation for malice.

“I gotta go frighten some freshmen with their final exam,” Dr. Dameron said, briefly glancing down at his watch. “Try to be nicer to your other customers.”

“Depends on how attractive they are,” Rose piped up, but Finn stepped hard on her foot, so she let the thought stop there.

Dr. Dameron was still laughing as he pushed open the door into the cold wind. As soon as he was sure the object of his lust was gone, Finn rounded on both Rey and Rose.

“ _What just happened_?” Finn said, his cool demeanor slipping away to be replaced with panicked elation.

Rose snorted, “He obviously thinks you’re hot, idiot.”

Not really wanting to delve into Dr. Dameron’s sex life, Rey tried to distract herself by washing up the various measuring cups and spoons she had discarded throughout the morning rush.

“He _is_ 12 years older than you, y’know,” Rose said. “What is it with you and older guys?”

Finn rolled his eyes and grabbed a towel to help Rey dry her clean dishes, “Guys our age or younger are morons. All they care about is hookup culture for the Instagram or whatever.”

Rose laughed, “And you care about what, exactly? Marriage? Dr. Dameron doesn’t seem like the type to settle down and get serious type.”

“At least he isn’t on Grindr,” Finn said, tossing Rose an annoyed expression and rounding on Rey. “Back me up here?!”

Rey jumped at the direct plea, “Uh, well, Dr. Dameron is nice and would probably flirt with a stump. But… there was _something_ weird about him this morning.”

Trying to pointedly _not think_ about what it would mean if Dr. Dameron found Finn, her best friend in the entire world, attractive. Things like love felt like a luxury to Rey, and while she held platonic love in her heart for Rose and Finn, the prospect of ever connecting with someone else on a more intimate level seemed as distant as the nearest planet.

“Well, you’ll have a few weeks to think about ruining your life by _sleeping with Rey’s new boss_ ,” Rose said from the kitchen, which was met with Finn flipping her the bird. 

The conversation was cut short by another customer opening the door and allowing in the cold winter air, damp and familiar, before approaching the counter to place an order.

Thankfully the rest of the week passed with no more visits from Dr. Dameron or discussion of Finn’s love life. With classes dismissed, Rey picked up double shifts most days, giving her friends and coworkers a chance to prepare for the holidays. Rey spent Christmas alone most years, except for when Finn or Rose were snowed in the previous year and couldn’t visit family, but she didn’t mind so much. Growing up mostly on streets or between homes meant treasuring her tiny one-bedroom apartment with its crappy furniture and whistling radiator. She might not have a tree or presents, but she had a place she made for herself, as well as a giant pile of junk food and DVDs to keep her company.

The lead up to Christmas Eve meant fewer and fewer of their regular customers frequented the shop and more tourists rushed in and out between doing last-minute shopping. Rey enjoyed seeing new faces and making new drinks, especially since it helped keep her mind off Christmas and the New Year and being a TA and black leather gloves glistening with raindrops. 

She arrived to work at 5:30 a.m. on Christmas Eve, ready to hold the shop down on her own to allow Finn, Rose, and Kaydel a chance to leave and visit their families. For once, she could pick the music without compromise, and she put on a familiar band, humming along as she set about putting out pastries and roasting coffee beans. 

The door creaked open shortly after 6 a.m., which took Rey by surprise from her position under the counter. She stood quickly, brushing her hands lightly, to see a wide set of shoulders clad in a black cloak. Her heart dropped to the floor as her eyes traveled up to reveal Dr. Ben Solo, looking just as shocked to see her standing there as she was to be facing him.

“Um, good morning?” She said, more as a question than a statement.

He regained his composure quickly, “I assume you can do a triple espresso?” His eyes roamed over her face and to the small coffee bar separating them. 

_What a pretentious arse_. Rey thought. _What coffee shop doesn’t offer espresso?_

“I assume you don’t mind if your heart explodes at 6:00 a.m.?” She said in return, not bothering to worry about professionalism or customer service. Turning before he could respond, she turned to begin preparing his drink order.

Trying to push through how uncomfortable she felt, knowing his eyes were probably boring into the back of her head, she hummed along with the overhead speakers, forcing her shoulders to relax as she pressed the espresso into the machine.

“Poe speaks highly of this place,” his deep voice came a few moments later, causing her to jump slightly. Why did Ben Solo unnerve her so much? 

She looked back at him. His long dark hair was slightly tousled from the wind and the tip of his nose still held the pink markings from the cold. His expression was still sour, but for a brief moment, Rey could picture him as a little boy, sulking and mad at the world.

Trying not to smile, she responded, “We try our best.” A long silence was filled with a light beat from the speakers and the sound of the espresso machine working.

“My usual place was closed today,” he said, studying the empty tables.

“Well, it is practically Christmas,” Rey said pulling his to-go cup up from under the counter.

“And so the world stops turning,” He responded with acidity in his tone.

Taking in his expression, Rey found herself wondering what his home life could possibly be like. Was he married? Rey couldn’t imagine why on earth someone would _want_ to marry him. Why was he here at 6 a.m. on the day before Christmas, holding an awkward conversation with a woman he did not know or particularly care for if he had anywhere else to be?

“I suppose it’s as good as any reason for a break,” Rey shrugged, turning to place a lid on his cup. 

He let out a sound between a huff and a snort of derision, “I’m sure your literature degree is _very_ exhausting.” Sarcasm dripped from each syllable.

Rey stiffened her shoulders. In an impulsive moment, she turned back to him, his cup in her hand, a steeled expression on her face. 

“Another scientist pretending literature is an unimportant field to study,” Rey said, handing his cup to him and turning to her register. “How original. It was my impression that you and Dr. Dameron are close friends.” 

His face remained a careful mask as he pulled a card from his pocket to complete his purchase, “Poe has many close friends, it’s hardly a testament to his judgment on discipline choice.”

Rey kept her face down, punching buttons, sure if she looked directly into his face, she would be _very tempted_ to hit him square in the middle of it. As she pulled a receipt from the old register, she steeled her nerves and put a smile on her face.

“Ah, yes. It must be very difficult for you to find anyone tolerable, _even in a platonic sense_ ,” She said, voice dripping with false sweetness. “Have a nice morning, Dr. Solo.”

Intent on not allowing him the final word, she turned back toward the kitchen and calmly set about gathering used utensils to place them in the dishwasher. After a few moments, she heard the tinkle of the bells over the door letting her know he had finally left her alone in her sanctuary. 

_And don’t come back_. She had wanted to add, but then a funny tugging in her gut set in as she remembered his pale face, framed with thick dark hair, taken aback by her refusal to stand down. She hated the feeling of wanting to know more about such a rude and unpleasant man, and yet, here she was, still wishing she did know more.

The loneliness of the holiday began to wash over her then, as she thought about Finn and Rose, and Dr. Dameron, and friendship. As she spent the day making holiday-themed drinks and watching the world go by from inside the shop, she wondered if Ben Solo had ever let anyone be his close friend. 

Before she could stop it, she found herself feeling a swell of pity for him, which was only interrupted by the scalding milk steam she had accidentally let spill onto her hand. Biting back the curse word on the tip of her tongue, she quickly wrapped her hand in a cool towel and handed over the drink, shaking her head and promising herself no more thoughts of Ben Solo would distract her that night. 

Christmas morning was the first time she slept in since she had caught a stomach bug in April and nearly missed her final comp exams. Though sleeping in for Rey meant waking up at 7 a.m. rather than 4:30 a.m., she reveled in seeing the sun peeking out of the clouds when she opened her eyes.

Nearly 30 years gave a perspective to Christmas that she had not understood as a child. She tinkered about in the kitchen, repairing her ancient toaster oven for what seemed like the hundredth time. All the things in her tiny apartment were largely found on the sides of roads or as hand-me-downs from friends. Rey didn’t mind. She was proud of what was _hers_. 

The snow was falling in soft drifts outside of her window as she set about making a cup of coffee -- grounds, filter, water, carafe. No need to steam milk or draw in foam for once. She padded softly to the narrow window sill, watching the few people on the street below at 7 a.m. stumbling along the sidewalk. Her radiator started whistling, bringing the comfort of heat into the small space. 

All in all, it was her definition of a perfect morning. 

Her phone buzzed, and she smiled at the texts from friends, and especially of the photo of Finn, forced into another knitted sweater from his Nana, a happy corgi face smack dab in the middle of his chest.

“ _Very macho,_ ” Rose replied on their group thread. 

“ _It’s better than the teddy bear one, at least.”_ He responded. 

As was Christmas tradition, she curled up on her sofa, surrounded by as much garbage food as her heart could desire, and watched _The Lord of the Rings_ extended edition films. She could hear neighbors around her celebrating in their own various ways, but eventually, the ride of the Rohirrim drowned out any external sounds and she was lost back in Middle Earth. 

By the time Frodo had set off into the west, it was dark, which meant it was time for Rey’s very favorite Christmas tradition since moving to the city. She pulled on her warmest sweater and set about lacing up her boots, giddy with excitement. After grabbing her faithful staff from next to the door, she pushed through the entryway and headed to the street below. 

It took about fifteen minutes to reach her favorite park, close to campus and the shop, with a path that wound around a large pond and trees filled with lights twinkling under the snow. She always came out to sit on her favorite bench and watch the lights dance as carolers strolled by and families headed to ice skate. To Rey, it was like something off a perfect Christmas card. All she had known for most of her life came from pictures or books, but for one night a year, she felt like she was part of that magic. 

Strolling along the path, listening to the sounds of the city, softened due to the holiday, she hummed an old Christmas song to herself. The snow still drifted slowly, adding to the few inches on the edge of the winding sidewalk. She let her feet carry her to that familiar spot, where she would find her bench, with the “R” carved into the armrest. 

But of course, the universe had gone fully awry in the last few days, and in drawing nearer to her sacred spot, she realized someone was already occupying the bench. Someone in a long, black coat, his hands covered in leather gloves, staring at a phone screen, seemingly oblivious to being watched.

“What are _you_ doing here?” The question slipped out before she had full control over herself, and in turning to meet her gaze with cool disdain, Dr. Ben Solo lifted one black eyebrow. 

She tried not to think about how he looked, all darkness framed under the twinkling lights, his cheeks flushed with the cold and eyes reflecting the snow back at her.

“It was my impression that this is a public park,” He said, turning back to his phone, a scowl beginning to etch into his features. 

She huffed, “Yeah, well, you’re sitting on _my_ bench.” A puff of mist came from her mouth as she exhaled the last word, the cold settling onto her lips. 

Shooting her an incredulous stare, he turned to examine the dedication plaque on the back of the bench, “Mm, doesn’t seem like it’s _your_ bench.”

Angrily, she pulled out her own phone and switched the flashlight on, pointing out the “R” carved near his elbow. When he didn’t give a reaction, she shot him a satisfied smirk of triumph before adding, “Now move over, so I can get back to enjoying my evening and you can get back to being an overgrown bat.”

She probably shouldn’t insult faculty members, but something about Ben Solo crawled under her skin and would not leave. When he slid down to the opposite end of the bench, she worked hard not to appear as taken aback as she felt. Not knowing what else to do, she sat and began staring up at the twinkling lights.

While the evening chill of winter swirled around her, she took in a deep breath of air, allowing the cold to travel into her lungs as a means of grounding herself.

“Why this bench?” His voice crashed into her peace after a few moments. She glanced around to see him examining her face with intense scrutiny. His brown eyes seemed to glisten in the soft light, giving a softness to his harsh features that caused a strange fluttering in her stomach, but she swallowed hard and pushed past it.

She stared at her hands, “I would sleep here sometimes, a long time ago.” Why was she telling _him_ this? He had two famous and, in all probability, rich parents; she doubted he had ever wanted for anything in his life. 

“And sometimes, when I opened my eyes during this time of year, I could pretend the lights above me were stars,” She continued, not wanting to allow him a moment to respond for fear of what he might say. 

He didn’t respond, though, his eyes moving from her face to examine the lights in the bare trees, twinkling bright spots in the inky darkness wrapping around them. Watching him, Rey remembered that it was Christmas and he had been sitting on her bench alone.

“Why are you here?” She asked, more gently this time, noticing he had not put away his cellphone. 

A small flicker of something akin to pain flashed across his features, but he schooled his expression and responded noncommittally, “I needed the fresh air.”

 _Typical_. _I give an honest answer and he needs “air”._ She thought caustically to herself. He must have sensed her irritation, because after a moment he added, “And I was tired of being alone.”

Turning in surprise, she felt her face reacting involuntarily, eyebrows shooting up in confusion.

“Don’t you have family? I thought your parents were, like, important, or, y’know, something--” She was stumbling, keenly aware he would likely wonder why she even knew who his parents were. Cringing internally, she shut her mouth from saying anything more incriminating. 

Unfortunately, the mention of his parents caused a dark expression to cloud his face once again, and glaring back at his phone he snapped, “Yes, I suppose they are _important_ , to someone like you, who obviously has no idea what a parent should be.”

Rey felt the sting of his comment cut her somewhere deep in her chest. Why did she care what an asshole like him thought of her? Because she had spent years trying to prove her worth, and he had surgically removed it with a single sentence. 

“Sorry.” He said, giving her a severe case of whiplash. “I apologize, that was…”

“Cruel?” She asked, angry at herself for the quiver in her voice. “Uncalled for? Undeserved?” 

His eyes met hers and the shock of seeing moisture to match her own there caused her to snap her mouth closed again. 

“Yes,” He agreed. “I… don’t like talking about my parents.”

She studied the outline of his face, where his hair was carefully styled back to not obscure his exaggerated features. He looked so different from the man she had slammed into in the rain. So different from the man who had dismissed her while complimenting her eyes. The memory of that moment caused a flash of heat to rise in her face, and she turned her gaze away, back toward the sky. 

“At least you have them,” She shot back, knowing it was an unfair dig, but one that he probably deserved anyway. 

“Sure. But never when it counted,” He said, his deep voice hovering barely above a whisper. She felt him shift next to her, and looking over, she watched as he stood. The swell of disappointment came unexpectedly into her stomach. Why wasn’t she ready for him to go? Rey had never known how to give up on broken things, it just wasn’t in her nature. And it was becoming more and more apparent that the sharp edges around him were protecting something very broken indeed.

Making a split-second decision, Rey stood, too, startling him.

“Don’t worry,” she said with a soft smile, “I feel it, too.”

It was Ben Solo’s turn to raise a confused eyebrow at her. 

“The loneliness of abandonment,” She said gently. “It never really goes away.”

He didn’t speak, just kept that inscrutable stare focused on her face, but she refused to break the silence or his stare. It was _his_ turn to show some good faith to her. The moments stretched on, but it felt like they were the only two people in the city, standing on the edge of something she knew was dangerous and exciting.

“Jesus, I could use an espresso,” He said finally, catching her wholly off-guard. Before she could stop it, a deep laugh burst from her lips. 

“Well, while my favorite place is closed, there’s a bodega near the entrance to the park that makes a pretty good espresso,” She grinned. “I’ll show you, even if it is 7:30 p.m. and no one sane should be consuming a triple espresso right now.”

As she reoriented to walk toward the bodega in question, she felt him fall in step next to her. He was probably forced into walking slower, given how much he towered over her. She placed her staff back in the holder slung over her shoulder.

“You’re… very surprising, Rey,” He said, observing her as they made their way through the sparse groups in the park. She pretended not to notice the jolt of pleasure at hearing him say her name for the first time.

She threw him a smirk, “I’ve definitely been called worse.” 

The cold had begun seeping into her toes by the time they started rounding the north edge of the pond. She found herself missing the leaky radiator in her apartment as the snow continued to fall around them. 

“Congratulations, on the, uh,” He began quietly, “the TA position.” 

She looked over at him, slight incredulity spreading across her face, “I assume you think it’s an empty job where I will spend time trying to teach 18-year-olds how to read or reorganizing Dr. Holdo’s bookshelf?” 

For the briefest moment, she felt confident he had been about to laugh, but instead, he replied, “Well, I think Holdo might grievously injure anyone who broached her collection without permission. What is it with you literature types and your bookshelves? Dameron’s is the most chaotic thing I’ve ever seen.”

Rey rolled her eyes, “Everyone has their own preference. Sorry, there’s not some algorithm or equation for you to follow along to put everything into knowable and defined boxes.”

It was Ben’s turn for an eye roll, “You really know nothing about science. Pity.”

After a few moments of comfortable silence, he added, “I was a TA once, at a different university.” 

She laughed, and he shot her a glance; she thought he might have even looked _hurt_ , “I just cannot imagine you as a TA, no actually, I definitely can picture you glaring down at terrified undergrads and scowling through lectures.”

That time a small smile did tug at the corner of his lips, “And I always taught the 8 a.m. sections.” 

They were nearing the opening to the park and the increase in sound marked the reappearance of the city, still echoing with noise, even on Christmas, as people began their journeys back to their own homes from visiting loved ones. Rey didn’t linger on the thought that the number of times she hadn’t been lonely on Christmas could be counted on one hand, and this was one of them.

Rey gave another laugh, “You know, I never minded early classes. Morning is my favorite part of the day.” 

Watching the sunrises for most of her life had conditioned a love of the light returning after a long, often insecure, night. Even at her lowest points, she could count on the sun bringing a new day, and with it, a new chance to find somewhere she belonged. 

“Mine, too,” He said, and she realized they had both stopped walking, pausing on the edge of the entrance into the park. 

“What? I would’ve thought you were definitely one of the-works-all-night, hates-the-brightness-of-morning types,” She said, mostly playfully, ignoring the chill wind beginning to pick up around them. 

Ben Solo rolled his eyes, “Well, I do work all night, hence the espresso intake which seems to concern you so much, but as a child, I always loved waking up early, it was…” He cut himself off for a moment, and she sensed his thoughts had turned dark again before he forced himself to finish, “It was a time when I could pretend we were a normal family before the day started and everyone had somewhere else to be.” 

Her throat constricted a little, thinking of a small boy, sitting by himself in a lonely kitchen.

“You also don’t have to interact with nearly as many people,” He said, cutting off her chance to say something about his childhood. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I don’t…”

“Do people?” Rey asked, setting off again, ready to be in the warmth of the near bodega for a few minutes to allow her nose to defrost. “I had actually, yeah. Well, except you _do_ have Dr. Dameron.”

Ben actually snorted in response, “Poe’s been around most of my life, so I got used to him after a while. His parents worked with my mother. He ended up being a disappointment, I think.”

Rey felt a slight tingle of discomfort--she didn’t need to know that sort of information about her soon-to-be boss. 

“But so did I, so I guess we are well-suited friends,” Ben shrugged, following her into the warm bodega. The spicy scent of cinnamon hit her as she rounded the corner to see Beau at the counter, looking bored out of his mind.

“Now there’s a sight for sore eyes,” Beau said as she came into view. “My espresso maker has gone to shit again.”

Sighing at Beau, Rey asked, “And what did you do to it this time? Hit it with a wrench, again?” 

Dropping the staff from her shoulder, she was vaguely aware of Ben watching their conversation, a deep scowl fixed once again to his features. Instead of turning toward him, she made her way behind the counter as she had done many times before, locating the small tool kit under the register. 

“She can fix anything,” Beau grinned at Ben, but his friendliness was met with a cold glare.

Tugging off her gloves, Rey set about evaluating the problem, but she called up to Beau, “Don’t mind Dr. Solo, he requires a direct IV of espresso to feel joy.” 

Settling into her space next to the machine, Rey let her hands fall back into the familiar pattern of assessing damage and pulling apart pieces to solve the puzzle. Fixing things came second nature to her, it was necessary for survival for most of her life, but now she enjoyed using her gift to help others. Mariah Carey’s voice poured out of the shop speakers, and she gave an internal giggle at the thought of being here, on Christmas, with Ben Solo, fixing someone else’s espresso machine, while _Mariah Carey_ played overhead. 

After a few moments, she emerged victoriously, but shot a reproaching glance to Beau, “I told you last time to take better care of her, she had a spring knocked out of place.”

She then set about pulling up all the ingredients and a to-go cup saying, “Okay, give me a minute and I’ll have your liquid heart attack ready.” She glanced up and found Ben wearing an expression that seemed almost _awed_ while watching her work as if in fixing this machine she had committed some revelatory act. “Beau can’t make coffee for shit.”

Beau nodded, “Well, I don’t do it for a living, do I?” She shot him an eye roll but returned to the routine of prepping the beans, the portafilter, and his cup. 

As she worked on making the triple espresso, enjoying the warmth returning to her extremities, she added, “I don’t think I’ve figured out what exactly it is you do for a living, other than having an instinct for breaking machines.” 

“I’ll have you know I did no such thing... It happened on Daz’s watch,” He said, a mock expression of hurt fixed on his face. “Besides, we can’t all have important letters after our name.”

He looked to Ben and added hastily, “No offense.”

While finishing the espresso, Rey watched the exchange carefully. She supposed Ben Solo _was_ rather intimidating to most people, in his head-to-toe black outfit, no trace of warmth lining his features. And yet, she thought of his glistening eyes under the Christmas lights and found she no longer thought him particularly intimidating at all. 

“Dr. Solo is a _real_ doctor because he studies science, unlike us useless arts and humanities students,” Rey smirked, handing the espresso to her companion, and judging by the change in his face, he didn’t seem to enjoy being teased. “I’m not paying for that, by the way.”

“You know you never have to pay here, Rey,” Beau rolled his eyes again. Rey was already pulling on her gloves and staff. Beau glanced at Ben, who had yet to utter so much as a single word. “Take good care of our girl, mate. She’s a special one.”

In an embarrassing moment, Rey suddenly realized how very much this looked like a date, and a brief jolt of shock on Ben’s face conveyed that the thought had just struck him as well. She felt mortified at how ridiculous he would likely find the idea of being on a date with her and wanted to correct the misconception before it could go on any longer.

“Oh, no that’s not--” She began, red flushing up to her cheeks.

“It would seem so,” Ben said at the same moment. 

They both closed their mouths and stared at each other.

Beau, who seemed totally oblivious to any awkwardness, set the toolbag back under the counter and said, “Happy Christmas, you two.”

“Same to you, Beau,” Rey responded, a little dazed, gaze still locked on Ben. After a brief moment, he turned and headed for the door, and without really thinking about it, she headed off after him. 

Following him onto the sidewalk where the wind had picked up considerably during their time in the bodega, Rey found the icy blast of air refreshing in clearing her mind. He lifted the cup to his lips, savoring the warm beverage. 

“You fix things.” He said after a long pause. It was a statement, not a question.

“Yeah, well,” She began, embarrassment coursing through her still, “I’ve always just been good at it. It was sort of a survival skill for a long time.” 

Ben Solo’s eyes searched over her face again and she wondered what he was expecting to find. 

“Why not pursue engineering?” He asked like she was a puzzle he desperately wanted to solve, but some of the pieces were missing. “You’d be good at it.”

She thought about it for a moment and decided the truth was the best option, “Because it _was_ a survival skill. I love fixing things to help people like Rose or Finn or Beau, but as a career, it would be… too painful, I think.”

Trying to avoid his gaze, she glanced around the sidewalk, where foot traffic had decreased again as the cold and snow descended heavily on the city. 

Forcing herself back to the conversation, she waited for a response. After he didn’t give her one, she blurted out, “Why are you being so nice to me?” 

He recoiled as if she had slapped him instead of asking a simple question. Deliberating for a moment, his guarded expression returned and he said, “It _is_ Christmas, after all.”

“ _And so the world stops turning_ ,” She quoted his words back at him. “Are you trying to tell me you’re like the Grinch? Your heart is three sizes bigger today?” 

Another ghost of a smile pulled at his lips, “That would insinuate I had a heart, to begin with.” 

Before she could respond, the sound of a message pinging on his phone pulled them both back to reality, and she realized the cold seeping into her toes was becoming slightly unbearable. He trained his eyes on the screen, letting out a deep sigh.

“Scorned lover?” Rey asked, only half-joking, knowing whoever was texting Ben Solo at 8:30 p.m. on Christmas was decidedly _none_ of her business.

He gave her a slightly irritated glance, “Worse. My mother.” 

“Oh,” Rey said, not really knowing what the appropriate response would be in this situation. 

He sighed again, “My parents always host a big New Year’s party at their estate. I haven’t gone in five years, but they keep inviting me.” 

Watching his dark expression, Rey steeled herself to tell him the truth and also to deal with whatever fallout might arise from it, “Look, I know it’s not my place, but I think you should go. Maybe they weren’t the parents you deserved, but it seems like your mom is trying now. Someday you’ll wish you had tried, too.”

All of the words fell out of her mouth, quick and breathless, as she studied his face. Though he looked like he wanted to throw something, he didn’t respond at first. Perhaps he was weighing her words. She thought about turning and running back to her cozy apartment, back to her life before Ben Solo had knocked her to the ground and taken up space in her head, rent-free.

“Do you want to go?” He asked, catching her so off-guard, she actually laughed because-- _what?_ A scowl returned to his features as he added, “Of course not, I shouldn’t have--”

Rey realized she had actually _hurt_ him and spontaneously said, “If it means you’ll go and see your family? Sure, I’d love to go.”

First stiffening at her words, after a pause, he visibly relaxed, lifting his cup to his lips once more and then said, “I don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position, but I’ve never… brought home a woman before.” 

Blinking rapidly, Rey felt her brain sluggishly trying to process his statement. Perhaps it was the lateness or the cold or the fact that it was Christmas, but she suddenly felt very exposed under his gaze.

“Um, well… I’ve never been brought home to anyone’s family before,” She supplied, not sure where this conversation was going. And to think hours ago she had been heading to the park, blissfully ignorant of how the evening would turn out. 

“I just don’t want them to think that we… That we’re…” And everything felt very clear to her all of a sudden. He didn’t want them to think their son would settle for an orphaned scavenger. 

She pushed down the crushing bitterness threatening to consume her, “Oh.”

“I don’t want them to get their hopes up, I mean,” He clarified quickly, obviously sensing the hurt in her demeanor. 

Rey raised her eyes to meet his, the true meaning of his words washing over her, and as courage rose in her chest, she asked, “Why not let them think whatever they want?”

Now Ben was blinking quickly, “That doesn’t… bother you?” 

“Why would it? It’s one night.” She said softly, thinking the entire situation was ludicrous, frankly, but she had committed to it, and so she would see it through. “If it doesn’t bother you, I mean.”

In response, he typed something in reply to his mother, swiped to a different app, and proffered his phone to her.

“So we can coordinate,” He explained as her confused eyes met his again. “I-- Thank you, Rey.”

She took his phone, tugging a glove off with her teeth, and typed her number into the screen, wondering how on earth she was going to explain this to any of her friends. She didn’t fully understand it for herself yet.

“I should be getting home,” She said, handing the phone back. “I have an opening shift in the morning.” 

He nodded, seeming dazed under the yellow glare of the streetlight above them. “I’ll see you next week, then?”

There was something almost akin to _worry_ in his tone, so she put on a reassuring smile and stuck out her gloveless hand for him to shake. As his warm fingers met the coolness of her own an electric current shot through her chest. 

“It’s a date,” Her words, absent-minded and in jest, suddenly felt a little too real. She quickly turned to head back to her apartment before he could respond. 

By the time her alarm rang at 4:30 a.m. the next morning, Rey felt convinced she had hallucinated the entire night before. Perhaps she had eaten some tainted junk food--she never bothered checking an expiration date.

Or maybe it was one of those Christmas stories where you get to fall into an alternative universe for a day. Maybe he was the ghost of Christmas future. Looking around her dark apartment, there was nothing tangible to tell her whether or not she had slipped into a sugar coma and everything involving Ben Solo had been a dream other than her dirty clothes from the night before piled in the hamper near her closet.

The whistling of the radiator brought her back to reality and she pulled herself out of the comfort of a bed, dressing with the ease of routine. Her backpack sat in its usual spot, ready for another morning walk to the shop. As her feet found the sidewalk half an hour later, she could tell the snow must have let up sometime during the night, leaving a few powdery inches for her to trek through along her familiar path. 

Passing under the streetlamps, her thoughts turned to Ben Solo and the whiplash of his mood swings. One day she is barely tolerable, then a week later, he was inviting her to his parent’s annual New Years’ party? It wouldn’t even be believable in a movie, let alone her real life. She thought about his long, pale fingers, outstretched toward hers, and the shock of energy she felt in her gut at his touch.

She seemed closer to danger than ever before. 

Shaking her head as if it would be remotely useful in clearing her conscience, she made her way around the corner and pushed through the door to the shop, finding Finn’s familiar face behind the counter. Rose wouldn’t return for a few days, and Rey was privately grateful to have fewer people around to ask her questions.

“Did you cry?” Finn asked in greeting, lugging a tray of fresh croissants toward the glass display case.

Pursing her lips and rolling her eyes, trying to not give way to the smile threatening to break out, she retorted, “I am only human, Finn. No matter how many times I see it, I will never _not_ cry when Frodo leaves for the Grey Havens.”

Finn laughed, “Rose owes me ten bucks. She thought you’d fall asleep before the end.”

Putting her bag under the counter and reaching for her familiar green apron, Rey snorted, “To be fair, those were 50/50 odds.” One benefit of having a secure home meant falling asleep with ease when she got comfortable on her couch and notoriously doing so even when other people were around.

As he closed the sliding door to the case, he dropped the baking tray and came over to embrace her in a warm hug. She loved Finn’s hugs because he channeled all his warmth and kindness into the action, folding her into him with gentleness. 

“Missed you,” She muttered into his shoulder. She really did love Finn. If he weren’t gay as a maypole she probably would ask him to marry her.

“Missed you, too, pumpkin,” He smiled pulling away. “Anything exciting happen while I was away? Win the lottery? Manage to not burn yourself for once?”

Rey steeled herself in the bright morning lights of the shop, but she found herself turning under the pretense of restocking the napkin dispenser before she took one deep breath and said in what she meant to be an off-the-cuff way, “I got invited to a New Year’s party upstate.”

As he continued stocking the display cabinet, Finn barked out a laugh, “Oh god, don’t tell me those med students got to you, too. They may be rich one day, darling, but they’ll be drowning in debt for at least 10 years--”

She spun back around to face him, and while she wished she could join in the laughter, her stomach was threatening to turn on her, so she said, “Oh, uh, no. Actually, Dr. Solo invited me to his parents’ party--”

The clattering of the half-empty baking pan hitting the floor reverberated around her, and Finn’s jaw was not far behind in falling fully open, leaving him to look like a cartoon character. 

“WHAT!” It wasn’t a question, it was a half-choked exclamation. 

Bending to pick up and discard the now ruined baked goods, Rey gave him a shrug, “We, uh, ran into each other last night. It’s more of a favor to him, well, I guess really to his parents, and I know it seems insane--”

“It IS insane, pumpkin!” Finn retorted, but Rey rolled her eyes and carried on nonetheless.

“It’s all sort of a blur now, but I said I’d go, so I guess I’m going?” She shook her head, pushing the dirty baking tray into the sink for Finn to deal with later.

In raising her eyes, she found Finn still completely gobsmacked. 

“But you don’t even _like_ him!” He said, obviously trying to make it all make sense, much like a toddler trying to shove a square peg into a round opening. 

Rey did laugh then, wondering... _Did_ she like Ben Solo? 

“Like I said, it’s more for his parents. He didn’t want to go alone and I was the closest person with a pulse, so he asked me. I’m sure he’s been kicking himself ever since.”

At her honesty, Finn seemed to come back to himself, and taking her hand in his, he stared into her eyes and said earnestly, “Rey, literally _any_ man on this planet would be _lucky_ to have you agree to go out with them, no matter the circumstance. You’re amazing. So what if he’s an asshole? I’ve learned to trust your judgment, so if you think this is a good idea… then, as always, I’m 100 percent in your corner.”

Trying to push the lump in her throat and burning in her eyes back, Rey did choke out a wet laugh, “I have no idea if it’s a good idea or not, but thank you, Finn. You always know what to say… why’d you have to go and be bloody gay?”

Finn, in returning to organizing the pastries, threw her a look, “Because I saw a poster of Burt Reynolds’ chest hair far too early in life and nothing was ever the same.” 

After a pause, she heard him start laughing, a deep and genuine sound of mirth, and she asked, “What is so funny?”

He was still laughing, but he managed to gasp out, “I cannot _wait_ for you to tell Rose.”

Rey felt the color drain from her face, “Oh _god_.”

Telling Finn, she realized, had been a breeze compared to whatever torrent of emotion Rose would unleash upon learning Rey was going to an ultra-posh New Year’s party with _Dr. Ben Solo_. She felt exhausted just thinking about it.

“Please make sure to film her reaction, if I’m not there,” Finn said, still chortling to himself.

Before Rey could flip him off properly, the bells over the door signaled the entrance of their first customer of the day, pulling her back to the coffee bar. Vaguely she recognized the swelling of gratitude to have the distraction of work to keep her tethered to reality. 

The following three days blurred together in the familiar routine of work, eat, and sleep. Finn didn’t broach the subject of her New Year’s plans again, and Rey appreciated his tact more than he could know. As the days inched toward the end of the week, the realization of the ramifications of agreeing to accompany Ben Solo to his parents’ home started to feel overwhelming. 

Rose returned to work on December 29, looking tired but refreshed from spending time with her sister and parents. Rey managed to avoid any conversation about plans and Dr. Solo for the entirety of their morning shift. Rose spent the time prattling about little family drama and Paige’s boyfriend of the week and discussing her spring course load, making it fairly easy for Rey to be present with just vague sounds of agreement. 

As Rey listened to Rose recount a story of her father accidentally setting part of their Christmas tree on fire, a vibration in her pocket gave her a minor shock. She didn’t get many texts unless they were from Finn or Rose, but the memory of typing her number into a sleek phone outstretched to her by a large, pale hand briefly knocked the air out of her lungs.

Fumbling slightly, she pulled the phone out of her pocket, blinking at the notification on the small, cracked screen.

_Good morning. I am reaching out to confirm our arrangements for New Year’s Eve._

Rey privately thought she had received more intimate reminders from her local movie rental store. She dried her left hand and wrote her reply, determined to not overthink something as silly as a text message.

_New phone, who dis?_

After she hit send, she felt a pang of regret. She waited what felt like an hour before the three little dots appeared, signaling his imminent response.

_The Grinch._

Unable to stifle it, laughter burst from her lips, causing Rose to stop speaking mid-sentence. At last, keyed into her friend’s strange behavior, Rose narrowed her eyes and made her way toward Rey’s position behind the counter.

 _Still on for Whoville._ She typed in a response and hit send. Then she added a question that had kept her concerned for the last two days, _What should I wear to this thing?_

She tucked the phone back in her apron, heart beating quickly at the expectant expression on Rose’s face. 

“So, who is he?” She prodded, crossing her arms and giving a look that clearly said, _And why didn’t you tell me about him?_

Rey, who had hoped to avoid this conversation, possibly for the duration of her life, sucked in a breath, and said, “I’ll tell you if you promise not to make a big deal out of it.”

“I wouldn’t--” Rose began, but Rey snorted. “Okay, _sometimes_ I might be a little dramatic, but you know you can tell me anything. No judgment! Pinky promise!”

She then extended her pinky, and Rey took it in her own, giggling a little at how ridiculous most of her life had become since Christmas day. 

“I ran into Dr. Solo--” Rey began, when Rose immediately went to cut her off she added hastily, “ _Rose,_ you pinky promised!” 

Giving a grumpy grunt of acquiescence, Rose motioned for Rey to continue. Rey took another deep breath, pointedly staring back at her hands to avoid the other girl’s gaze as she continued her story.

“Anyway, I ran into him on Christmas when I was in the park, and honestly he was kind of a jerk, but then he wasn’t? It was very strange… but after we went to Beau’s, where I had to fix his bloody espresso machine _again_ \--”

Rose, unable to last a full minute, burst in, “Why on _earth_ were you at Beau’s?!” 

Throwing her an annoyed look, Rey continued, “Because Dr. Solo has an unhealthy caffeine intake, but _anyway_ , as we were leaving, he told me about his parent’s New Year’s party, and there’s bad blood there… but I was so _annoyed_ someone with a family would just, not even _try_ to make things better, so I--”

“You couldn’t help giving him a piece of your mind, which is the Rey we all know and love,” Rose grinned, causing Rey to blush a little.

“Well, I was nice about it, but it backfired when he asked _me_ to go with him. And I agreed, but the more time that passes, the more insane it all seems.” Rey finished in a breathless huff, grateful to have the band-aid pulled off. 

Rose, ever the kindest person Rey knew, lifted her hands to squeeze her friend’s shoulders, “That’s because it _is_ insane, honey. I mean, is this a date?”

The warmth of Rose’s hands on her shoulder helped Rey push through her embarrassment to say, “I don’t think so? I don’t know! We just agreed to let his family think whatever they needed to… I mean, I don’t even _know_ the man! Not to mention, he might be the most unpleasant person I’ve ever met.”

As Rey vented, Rose dropped her hands and gave her friend a small, encouraging smile, “Rey, you know what I say about following your heart--”

“Right off a cliff,” Rey muttered under her breath, but Rose pretended not to hear her as she pressed on with her thought.

“Sometimes things don’t make sense in your head, but your heart told you to agree to go to that party for a reason… Maybe it was pity, but I also trust your instincts. Just promise me you will be careful, because guys like Dr. Solo… well, they aren’t always the most _kind_ to people who deserve better.” Rose finished by reaching over to hug Rey, her warm vanilla perfume adding to the familiar layer of gratitude in Rey’s chest.

Pulling away, Rey said, “Thanks, Rose. I did feel sorry for him, I guess. But I also… felt like I understood him a lot better. It’s hard to articulate it.”

“Mmhmm, and I guess _he’s_ the reason you were grinning like an idiot at your phone?” Rose said, narrowing her eyes, “Don’t think I’ve forgiven you for not telling me about this sooner, by the way.” 

Rose’s words alerted Rey to the fact that she had felt a vibration in her pocket while spilling the whole story. She pulled the phone back out to stare at the notification from his response.

_It is black tie, so leave your apron at home._

In a moment of almost surreal dizziness, Rey felt she could hear exactly the cadence he would have spoken the words glaring up at her from the screen. 

“Shit,” Rey breathed, looking at Rose with panic rising in her features. “The party is black tie!” 

Giving a little chuckle, Rose wrapped an arm around Rey’s shoulder, “Honey, his parents are _rich_. Of course, it’s black tie. Don’t worry… Paige and I have like a million bridesmaids dresses between all our cousins and undergrad friends. We’ll find you something, promise.”

Rey felt tears threatening to spill and was grateful to the tourist stumbling in out of the cold at that moment for giving her a distraction and pulling Rose back toward her half-kneaded dough in the kitchen. 

Later that evening Rey followed Rose out of the shop, flicking off the lights and turning the key in the latch. 

“Okay!” Rose exclaimed, causing Rey to almost drop the keys she was trying to return to her pocket. “Dress hunting season is _officially open_!” 

The cold surrounding them was at least lessened by a lack of precipitation falling from the sky for the first time in days. The lingering snow had begun to turn brown under the continual trucks scraping and passing cars. The post-Christmas, pre-New Year period meant lights and trees and wreaths still decorated the windows they walked past on their way to Rose’s and Finn’s apartment. 

“I literally can’t remember the last time I wore a dress,” Rey complained, trudging through Rose’s bright blue door behind her friend, spotting Finn on the sofa, where he was very intently watching some show on HGTV.

“You know they’re gonna pick number 3, Finn. They _always_ pick number 3,” Rose said, tossing her stuff down on the counter and ignoring Rey’s comment. 

Finn rolled his eyes, “Some of us like the comfort of knowing they’ll pick the house with the haunted basement every time, Rose.”

Rey snorted, helping herself to a glass of water and resigning herself to what was about to be a very uncomfortable few hours of throwing on outfits in Rose and Paige’s tiny room. Rose was already pulling dresses from the closet, and Rey was mystified at how one closet could’ve possibly held all of them.

“I cannot believe you didn’t tell me,” Rose was saying to Finn from underneath ruffles and tulle skirts. “I mean, _I_ was the one who called him hot, to begin with.”

Finn shook his head from mirth, “I didn’t want to ruin Rey’s special moment. Besides, I think you’re both insane for even _entertaining_ the idea that he’s attractive.” 

Until this point, Rey had merely watched with incredulity as more and more dresses piled up in front of her, but at Finn’s remark, she added, “Need I say the name, Hux--”

“Never again!” Finn choked out, nearly upending his can of La Croix in his haste to shut her up.

“I rest my case,” Rey smirked back, until Rose finally emerged, extending a handful of dresses toward her.

“All right, princess. Time to go change. Start with the black one,” Rose bossed in her most commanding voice.

When Rey emerged, Finn could not hold back his laughter, “Oh my god, whose wedding was this dress for... Oscar the Grouch in drag?”

Rose glared at him and quickly handed Rey a purple dress to try on, but when she emerged in that one, Finn was once again in a bout of giggles, “You look like an undersea witch.”

This pattern of commentary continued on through the next few dresses she put on:

“Why would anyone need a dress tight enough to show off their rib cage for a formal event?”

“I don’t get it… Is the point to make the wearer’s hips look as wide as possible on purpose?”

“Good god, are those _tassels_ on the bottom?”

Rey’s arms were legitimately beginning to groan with tiredness as she went back to Paige’s room to remove the sixth dress after Finn and Rose deemed it “too frumpy”. As she passed back into the room, a swatch of bright red fabric caught her gaze from where it hung in the closet. She reached for the clear garment bag at the very back of the small space. 

As she emerged from the bedroom, she felt more self-conscious than before, but she also knew this choice was at least more authentic to herself. Both Finn and Rose froze mid-conversation to stare at her, eyes traveling from her shoulders to her feet in stunned silence.

“Oh my god.” Finn said, “I mean, it’s not a dress, but it’s…”

“Perfect. Holy shit!” Rose chimed in. “I totally forgot about that suit… Paige was the best man for one of her friends a few years ago. I’m actually mad I didn’t pick it for you.”

Totally unaccustomed to having so many compliments showered on her in one setting, Rey turned as red as her suit under the yellow kitchen light. “You think it’s okay, then?”

Finn came over to her quickly, taking her slim face between his two hands, “Pumpkin, you’re gonna give that buttoned up asshole a heart attack.”

Tutting at Finn’s crassness, Rose pushed him out of the way and beamed up to Rey, “You’re gonna look _amazing_. I have the perfect shoes, too! Now, we have to talk about hair and makeup…”

Once again, Rey’s heart was filled to the brim with love for these two people, arguing about whether or not her lipstick should match her suit, or if her hair being down would contrast too much with the outfit. She loved Rose and Finn for making her feel special--that feeling always came unexpected but deeply appreciated, especially now as she confronted the reality of spending an entire evening with a lot of rich people and her only ally being _Ben Solo_.

After being given a pair of matching heels, lipstick, and strict instructions on how to fix her hair, Rey managed to stumble home to her own apartment. As she was unloading all of her wares from Rose, her phone vibrated again. 

_Where would you like to meet? My parents’ home is about an hour’s drive from the city._

Rey, vaguely annoyed that her heart had jumped into her throat at his message, responded quickly.

_Let’s meet at the shop. I trust you have the address._

There was no way in hell she wanted him to see her apartment building or the street she lived on, just in case he did turn out to be some kind of serial killer. 

_We will leave at 6. Pack an overnight bag... my mother is insisting._

Though her internal monologue began to shout in panic, she managed to type back, _Okay. Hope breakfast isn’t black tie, too._

It took him a few minutes of typing to respond with, _Wouldn’t put it past her. See you Friday._

Rey reflected that it often felt like she was talking to a wholly different person in their text exchanges. Most evidence pointed to Ben Solo having no sense of humor, and based on Jess’ comments and her own experience, he didn’t excel at small talk. 

What on earth would they talk about during an hour-long car ride? Her hands became sweaty at the thought of trying to hold a conversation with him where he could insult her dissertation, childhood, and day job at any given moment.

_What had she gotten herself into?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I shamelessly stole Rey's dissertation idea from here: https://ir.stonybrook.edu/jspui/bitstream/11401/71868/3/000000365.sbu.pdf
> 
> 2) Rey's suit is, of course, modeled on this one worn by Daisy Ridley and designed to ruin my bisexual heart: https://footwearnews.com/2019/fashion/celebrity-style/daisy-ridley-red-suit-pumps-good-morning-america-1202879229/


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nodding in understanding, Rey gently stated, “So that’s why you haven’t been home in 5 years.”
> 
> “It’s part of it,” He shrugged, glancing down at her. “I just couldn’t deal with their pity and disappointment. Especially… Luke’s.”
> 
> He hissed out his uncle’s name as an angry distorted expression appeared on his face. 
> 
> “You know,” Rey prodded. “You’re the only one who gets to decide if you’re a disappointment or not.”
> 
> Ben gave another of his humorous chuckles, “You sound like a therapist.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised... here's the second installment. This chapter brings in some heavy-hitters, so please suspend your disbelief and pretend that I can write 1) about super-rich people and 2) plane engines.
> 
> Thanks to those who left such kind comments for me. I hope you continue to enjoy this story.

* * *

_“I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you;  
_ _I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you.  
_ _I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night--  
_ _And now I see daylight, I only see daylight.”_

* * *

New Year’s Eve arrived with the sun creeping into Rey’s bedroom, striking the black garment bag where it hung from her closet door, holding her outfit for that evening. Though her brain logically knew nothing truly had changed between when she crawled into bed the night before and when the sun woke her, she sensed by the end of the day, _something_ would be changed.

Not working at the shop meant the day crept along at a pace that felt punishing. Rose had insisted she take three days off.

“One to get ready, one to party, and one to recuperate,” She had stated firmly to Rey the night before. “I want you to have fun, Rey. You’re always going out of your way to let Finn and I have time off--please, just let us do that for you for a change.”

Rey had, of course, acquiesced. Rose was technically her manager anyway, but she would’ve given in no matter what because it was a small way to show her gratitude for, well, everything. 

After toiling her day away cleaning up her apartment and fixing her toaster oven _again_ , it was finally time to start getting ready. Rey felt a little sheepish as she climbed into the shower, spreading suds over her bony knees and readying a razor to tackle her neglected legs. For once, she took as long as she wanted, rejoicing in the warm spray on her shoulders. 

The smell of lavender filled the room from the shampoo Rose had sent home with her promising, “This shit will make your hair feel and smell incredible!” 

Rey didn’t know much about those kinds of things— she was happy to keep her hair pulled into three buns and kept out of her face, not too worried about what type of shampoo made it shine or gave it volume. Today, though, she felt like she cared _too_ much about her hair as she toweled dry in her tiny bathroom. 

The flash of her red nails in the bathroom mirror stood out against her pale hands, covered in fading burn marks and thin scars from years left behind. Rose, once again, had swooped in, painting each nail with the precise ease of a younger sister, who had done this a million times before. 

While staring at her reflection, Rey could almost hear her friend’s voice in her mind, “ _Okay, honey, I got you this far. I know you can get to the finish line._ ”

Stealing herself to that thought, Rey set about applying the few products Rose had sent home with her. It only took three attempts to get her eyes to resemble the tutorial she had watched Rose practice on a preening Finn the evening before. 

In a way, it felt like retreating, as though the brushes and powders aligned to obfuscate the real Rey. Maybe this is how Cinderella felt, surrounded by the illusion of a world she did not belong to, but then again, Cinderella _had_ been a princess. Rey, on the other hand, would still be a broke, orphaned, over-tired doctoral candidate, no matter how much she tried to paint over her features with eyeshadow and blush.

Though the thought of Ben Solo as a Disney prince did cause a brief giggle to erupt from between her lips, nevertheless. 

With her face relatively complete, she moved on to tackling her hair, thinking for the thirtieth time that afternoon, _Why did I agree to this?_ Of course, the pull of Christmas, snow, twinkling lights, and empathy in the face of loneliness provided a seductive motive. 

Maybe he just wouldn’t show up, she found herself half-hoping. Nothing about Ben Solo; however, even remotely pointed toward him not following through on an arrangement. Despite burning herself a record of four times on her ancient curling iron, her hair did turn out halfway decent. She pushed the pins into place behind her ear and gazed at the amalgamation of all her hard work in the reflection before her.

Her phone buzzed from where she had left it perched on the tiny cabinet ledge. She fumbled for it, nervously unlocking the screen to see a text from Rose.

_Haven’t heard from you in hours. Send a picture to prove you are still alive._

Rey rolled her eyes but lifted the phone to take an awkward selfie before typing, _Alive… for now._

Responding with a string of heart-eye emojis, Rose added, _I hope you stop that bastard’s heart in its tracks. You look so hot._

Choosing to not think about Ben Solo’s reaction to her appearance, Rey put the phone back on the cabinet ledge and moved to finish packing her small overnight bag. At a loss for what to wear the morning after a black-tie party, she placed one of her nicer pairs of pants and a sweater without holes alongside a bag containing her favorite boots. After she managed to locate her spare phone charger, pajamas, and toiletry case, she looked at her watch. 

4:45 p.m. 

She planned to finish getting dressed at the shop, which would be closing early because of the holiday. She also wanted to avoid walking that many blocks in Paige’s expensive red suede high heels. 

Snatching the garment bag off her bedroom door, picking up the small suitcase, and slinging her familiar backpack and staff over her shoulder, Rey felt like she was about to take a step down a path she would never be able to turn back from. The sensation, though seemingly ludicrous, settled into her stomach as she set out on the familiar trek.

The shop was dark when she arrived, but she tugged her key from her pocket, pushing in out of the cold. The quiet stillness allowed her to collect her nerves and stow them away in the back of her mind. She had survived much worse than Ben Solo and his rich parents and their fancy party. She would survive this, too.

Making her way into the back office to change, Rey pulled the zipper down on the garment bag, allowing the vibrant red fabric to spill out. Tugging off her cozy leggings, long coat, sweater, and socks, she shivered from the draft that ran through the back of the old building. She pulled on her party attire with ease, buttoning the suit jacket carefully and sliding on the dreaded high heels.

It would be a miracle to not fall down a flight of stairs. Well, at least she would have something to concentrate on if nothing else.

She felt like an imposter, standing under the dim light, looking down at herself. And to think, she was doing all of this for an unpleasant, arrogant, and impossibly lonely man. 

Her phone buzzed, snapping her to attention once again. 

_Be there in 5 minutes._

“Shit,” She breathed before tugging her discarded clothes into her backpack to leave at the shop for retrieval during her next shift.

After taking the time to check that she had all she needed for the trip, she closed her eyes and took two deliberate deep breaths. No matter what, it would be less than 24 hours. She could endure 24 hours. 

The heels on her feet forced a slow and steady walk to the door of the shop, where she retrieved her small suitcase. Leaving her staff next to the entrance felt wrong but she also didn’t think bringing it to a party would send a friendly signal to anyone. Backing out of the door and placing the key in the lock, she slid her phone into her pocket and glanced around the street.

She knew the sleek black car two spots down the block belonged to Ben Solo before his long silhouette emerged from the driver seat. The moment his eyes caught sight of her, long coat unbuttoned to showcase her bright attire, he stopped for the briefest pause. His unguarded expression betrayed only the smallest shock before he pulled himself together and made his way toward her.

“Uh, hi,” She said, taking in the familiar black cloak around his shoulders. He looked much the same as ever, though the evidence of a bow tie peeked out from under the silver clasp around his throat.

“Hi,” His greeting rolled stiffly off his tongue before he pointed to her suitcase. “Let me…”

Gladly handing over the small case so she could focus on walking without breaking an ankle on the sidewalk, Rey watched him load it in the back of his car, carefully placing it next to his own black bag. 

She made her way to the passenger side, momentarily baffled by the lack of door handle but after closer inspection, she found the proper groove to tug on just as he closed the back hatch. Secretly thankful he had not witnessed her fumbling, she lowered herself into the leather seat.

The inside of his car offered no additional glimpse into who Ben Solo might be, as the spotless interior and dark trimming all remained on-brand for him. The soft voice of a radio presenter hummed from the speakers but he cut the volume down before she could ascertain the topic of the broadcast. 

“So,” Rey cast about wildly, trying to think of _anything_ to cut through the stifling awkwardness threatening to suffocate her in this tiny car. “Had a good week?”

Mentally she winced at asking such a stupid question. At least she hadn’t mentioned the weather. 

Glancing at her as he pulled up to a stop sign, he replied, “All things considered, I suppose.”

How would she survive an hour of this? Why did coercing Ben Solo into conversation feel like pulling teeth? Determined not to sit in silence for an hour, she pushed again.

“I’ve been thinking,” She began, controlling any nerves from leaking into her voice. “What will… people… expect us to know about each other?” 

Careful to avoid any combination of the words parents, mother, family, or father, her question hung in the air for an extended moment before he responded.

“Yes, that thought occurred to me, as well,” He glanced at his hands on the steering wheel. “I suppose we should… get to know each other.”

While his tone remained calm, the bare-knuckle grip on the wheel gave way to his discomfort. She laughed, causing him to give her a sharp glance. 

“Well, I’m not going to, I don’t know, steal your identity or ask you about your deepest, darkest secrets,” She smirked, but his dark eyes had returned to the highway. “But I should know more about you than I can read on the university’s directory page.”

Visibly relaxing his shoulders, he nodded, “Fine. What do you wish to know?”

Rey took her time, examining the steeled expression etched into his features, a marker of his distress at having to open up to anyone. Given her lack of history when it came to serious relationships, she tried to think of what would be expected knowledge for any relationship--platonic or otherwise.

“Favorite color?” She finally asked, throwing him a softball pitch.

“Red,” He answered, perhaps a little too quickly, and the faint coloring on his cheekbones gave away his chagrin. 

Rey turned to him in surprise, “Not black?” 

It was his turn to smirk and his eyes flicked to her, “Black is convenient. Matches everything.” 

“Not navy,” Rey interjected, thinking of the long lecture Kaydel had once given her for wearing black boots with a navy dress. “Interferes with your aura.”

“Are you mocking me?’ He asked, raising an eyebrow. His tone stayed controlled but she privately noted his tendency to assume others were laughing at him.

She rolled her eyes, “Not everything is about you, Dr. Solo.”

Rey noticed a brief stiffening of his shoulders before he responded, “You should probably call me Ben. No need to give anyone the impression you’re my student or--”

“Or that you have some weird kink for being called ‘doctor’ by close acquaintances?” Rey cut in, realizing a moment too late how suggestive her comment might sound. She felt her cheeks flush and worked to change the subject before he could notice or comment.

“What do you do for fun?” She asked, thinking his definition of fun probably differed considerably from her own.

“Run. Read.” He answered shortly. 

Trying to push any image of a sweaty Ben running without a shirt out of her brain, she added, “What do you read? I was under the impression you found literature to be a worthless area for exploration.”

Her tone remained playful and she thought a ghost of a smile creased the edges of his lips before he responded, “I read a little bit of everything. Prominent science journals, historical nonfiction, some science fiction.”

“I’m doing my dissertation partially on Frankenstein,” She ejected, not sure why she would volunteer more fodder for his cannons, but she pushed on, “Specifically exploring orphans through the lens of 18th and 19th-century literature.”

The quiet following her words settled on her in an almost oppressive sensation but rather than issuing any cutting remark, he asked, “When did you lose your parents?”

Though the question probably would’ve come up at some point, Rey felt the whiplash of the mood shift deep in her chest. She had answered his question over and over to all kinds of people, and yet, this felt like the most intimate thing he could’ve asked her.

“Uh,” She started, trying to quell any grief from taking over her voice, “I was around 5 or so. They went out and… never came home. Protective services found me a few weeks later after a neighbor reported me for--” She pushed through, knowing she had _nothing_ to be ashamed of despite her discomfort, “For eating from the dumpster.”

She felt him shift to look at her but she didn’t want to see it-- _the pity_ \--in his eyes. She did not need pity from Ben Solo.

“What’s your favorite color?” The unexpected question broke the uncomfortable tension, and she turned toward him incredulously. “It seems expected that I should know yours if you know mine.”

“Blue.” She said after a moment of thought. “Like the light blue of early morning.”

The road continued to stretch before them as she glanced out of the windshield, taking in the snow piled on the edges of the highway. The exit signs flew by as she tried to gain some bearing of where they might be in their journey. 

“What should I know about… your parents?” She figured if he had already ripped the bandaid off of old wounds, the time had come to ask the question she had put off until then.Instantly, he bristled but after a few seconds, he began speaking.

“You probably know my mother served as a diplomat for most of her life. She speaks around 8 languages... probably more since she retired. My father hosted one of the most-watched shows on public access television for two decades. He’s also a licensed pilot,” Ben paused then decided to finish his thought, “He wanted me to be a pilot, too. My uncles, Chewie and Lando, will likely be at the party. They’re not my biological uncles, and you’ll probably like them. Everyone does.”

The bitterness in his voice exposed the vulnerability of his words but she waited patiently for him to continue.

“The last time I saw them… well, it wasn’t a pleasant interaction for anyone, so don’t be surprised if things aren’t… smooth.” He said quietly, then added impulsively, “Oh, and Dameron will be there, I’m sure.”

Rey’s heart lifted at the thought of having at least one kind face to turn to if needed.

“It’ll be fine… Ben,” She said in her most soothing voice, using his first name with intentional effort. “Are you an only child?”

“Yes.” He said, glancing at her face as he changed lanes toward an exit. In pulling up to a traffic light, Ben sighed, checking the clock on his dashboard. The light blinked back that it was nearly 7 p.m.

“It’s less than 24 hours,” Rey said quietly, repeating her mantra out loud to him. “We can survive anything for that long.”

As the light turned green, Ben gave a humorless chuckle, “You haven’t met my family, yet."

Silence descended upon them once again, and the winding road led through a quaint village into a dark backroad. Ben navigated the journey with the ease of someone who had made it many times before.

“Is this where you grew up?” Rey asked, taking in the dark outline of the surrounding forest filled with pine trees covered in the dusting of snow. 

Ben nodded, “When we weren’t in Europe, anyway.”

Rey tried to imagine young Ben then, growing up between international countries, all disproportional nose and ears, likely isolated from what it meant to just be a kid. She wondered how you make your own path while living in such a far-reaching shadow. Then again… what did she know about being a kid?

“This is the drive to the estate,” He said calmly as they made a right turn. “I want to prepare you, my parents’ home is… conspicuous. It’s been in my mother’s family for three generations.”

Wondering why he felt the need to warn her, Rey squinted her eyes to try and see more clearly the path before them. The wooded drive offered one twisting lane to climb up leading toward their final destination. 

“Rey,” Ben’s voice broke the silence after a few moments. She snapped her head over to glance at him in surprise. “Thank you… for agreeing to come. This is not ideal for me… but as you said, by this time tomorrow, we both will be free of obligation.”

Her hurt at his words was cut short by the appearance of the large home, which knocked all the breath from her lungs. She knew Ben’s family was rich, but the mansion at the end of the drive was _next level_. It felt like something out of a Jane Austen novel, and her head swam with the surreal prospect of having to go inside in her secondhand suit. 

“I did warn you,” Ben gave a brief chuckle while taking in her dumbstruck expression. “It’s ostentatious… but it’s home, I guess.” 

Rey suddenly felt very, very small. She gazed up at the carved marble arches as they approached the front entrance, wondering why anyone needed a house so large. The uncomfortable panic in her chest was swelling faster than she could suppress it. 

“Are you--?” Ben started to ask, but with a Herculean effort, Rey pulled a smile on her face.

“I, uh, think I might be underdressed,” She said, voice quivering an infinitesimal amount. 

His eyes locked onto hers for a brief pause before he pulled off toward a side path along the western wing of the house, “Your outfit is perfectly sufficient.”

Rey couldn’t help it, the ridiculousness of the moment and his house and the use of the word _sufficient_ sent her into a bout of laughter. The manic edge to her giggles might’ve signaled to someone who knew her better how distressed she felt, but Ben Solo did not know her well enough to pick up on her hysteria fully.

“The compliment all girls want to hear before a fancy party,” She choked out between giggles. “How _sufficient_ we look!”

Ben had parked the car and had turned to give her a cold glare, “I don’t see the problem? Is sufficient not an accurate word choice?”

Wiping her eyes gently so as to not smear any of her painstaking work, Rey gave him an exasperated smirk, “It’s what I would expect a robot pretending to be a person to say to a party date.”

He studied her face for a long moment and then replied, “You… are better dressed than half the guests at this party will be… Is that better?”

Rey laughed again and said, “Sure…. Beep beep boop.” She threw him a wink before adding, “Time to face the music.”

Peering out of her window, she saw a small set of stairs leading up to a door set in a marbled archway. The staircase had lights wound up its stone banisters with precision, illuminating the path. She opened her door and climbed out carefully, thankful to stretch her legs and reacquaint herself with how to walk in high heels before heading into a room filled with people. 

Ben unloaded the luggage carefully and pointed to the door, “That’s the entrance to my…”

“Room?” She supplied helpfully but the impish grin on his gave her the impression ‘room’ would be an understatement of what awaited her on the other side of the intricately carved dark wooden door. 

She followed him up the stairs, trying not to focus on his shoulders and the smooth way he carried the suitcases effortlessly. In her heels, her eyes were almost level with his own as he turned to place the suitcases down to open the door with a key fished out of his pocket. The closeness weighed on her--awkward and heavy--as he pushed the creaking door open.

The interior lights automatically triggered at the sense of motion through the doorway. 

Rey surveyed her surroundings and understood his grin from before in an instant. This was no room. It was bigger than Finn and Rose’s entire apartment. She wondered what it had been like to grow up with your own small house within a house. But then again… the drafty ceilings and splintering rooms emphasized loneliness. 

“You can take the room down through there,” He said, pointing his pale index finger toward a small halfway. “There is a bathroom attached. I’m down the opposite way.”

Her head swimming slightly, Rey found her way to the room he had allotted for her. She placed her suitcase on the enormous bed, taking the beautiful furnishings, which must have been antique pieces. Part of her wanted to be as still as possible to avoid breaking anything in this meticulously assembled room. 

She removed her overcoat, laying it out on the bed before walking into the large bathroom which led off her bedroom. The large vanity mirror inlaid in bright marble offered her the opportunity to fix any issues with her appearance. With shaking fingers she tugged the phone from her suit pocket and sent a group text to Rose and Finn.

_I am in a literal mansion… and freaking out a little._

Instantly, Rose sent her reply, _Don’t be intimidated, honey. You belong there. We love you._

Finn’s response came a second later, _Take a million pictures! Does he sleep in a coffin? Just kidding… sort of. Love you!_

Imagining Rose smacking Finn for his text gave cause for a smile to spread across her lips. Slightly cheered by her best friends, Rey sent back a string of emojis, which definitely included the barfing one, and slid the phone back in her pocket, knowing the time to enter the party was approaching quickly. 

Cautiously, she made her way back into the central… sitting room? She didn’t have time to ponder over room designations because she found Ben there, waiting patiently. Devoid of his cloak, he stood staring out the window, his black tux on full display. She realized he must have combed his hair because the soft onyx locks were back to that perfect carefully disheveled aesthetic she had noticed on Christmas. She took a moment to study him, face once again framed by holiday lights and eyes glistening. She realized he probably felt as frightened as she did at the prospect of leaving this sanctuary. 

Awkwardly, she cleared her throat, causing him to spin and catch a full view of her. The red suit stood out vividly against the grey of the room they were occupying. He seemed to catch himself staring and worked quickly to look away.

“Guests will be arriving soon,” He sighed. “I guess we’re really doing this?”

He looked so young and so scared at that moment that the familiar aching pull at her heart from Christmas tugged once more. She fixed a bright smile on her face and extended her arm to him. When he allowed her to link her elbow through his, she looked at him with squinted eyes and said, “Hell yeah, we are.”

Ben’s suite led into a large hall, adorned with paintings and artifacts, and Rey felt overwhelmed by the high ceilings and opulence on display around her.

“You end up with a lot of junk when your mother is a diplomat and your father deals in antiques,” Ben said simply, gesturing around at the relics placed on various pieces of furniture.

Rey’s eyes took everything in with greed, focusing on the gilded frames and delicate vases, things she had only seen in museums or textbooks. Ben kept propelling them forward despite her many distractions.

“Do you have a library?” She asked, the thought hitting her all of a sudden.

He gave another humorless chuckle, “Yes. I’ll show it to you later... it’ll give us a reason to leave this godforsaken party for a moment, at least.”

Giving him a genuine smile at the prospect, Rey returned to studying her surroundings. They were quickly approaching what appeared to be an open foyer area. Wide strings of garland wound up towering marble columns and she spied several large Christmas trees.

“Here we go,” Ben managed through gritted teeth. He unwound his arm from her own and gestured with his hand to where a small group of people stood, chatting quietly.

Rey privately wished he had kept his warm arm laced through her own to present a united front but she also knew this evening was only meant to serve as an illusion of closeness. Setting her shoulders with more confidence than she actually felt, she followed him in approaching the group.

Immediately, she spotted his parents. Ben’s father had the same disproportional nose and his features bore the markings of extreme handsomeness tempered by age. A small woman chatted animatedly by his side and the aura of command she exercised over the group befitted a career politician. 

Clearing his throat awkwardly, Ben paused a few paces away from the gathering. 

“Ben!” His mother dropped her conversation immediately to close the gap between her son and herself. She lifted her hands to his face, and the height difference would have been comical if Rey wasn’t busy trying to keep her grief at bay. “I’m _so_ glad you chose to come.”

Uncomfortably stepping away from her hands, Ben nodded toward Rey, “This is Rey. Rey, this is my mother, Leia Organa Solo.” 

By this point, Ben’s father had appeared next to his wife, giving his son a hard stare.

“Welcome, Rey. Please, call me Leia,” The small woman smiled up to Rey with so much warmth it caused her cheeks to redden. Leia lifted a finger to poke the man next to her. “This is my husband. Han, please exercise your manners and greet our guests.”

Not sure if she should laugh or not, Rey extended a hand to Han, who took it with a smirk and added, “I didn’t curtsey to a royal family member one time and she’ll never let me forget it. Nice to meet you, kid.”

Ben fidgeted uncomfortably next to the affectionate welcome his parents displayed for Rey. 

“Come say hello to your uncles, Ben,” Han said finally, gesturing to the two men who had hung back while the Solos reunited with their only child. “And don’t mention Chewie’s haircut.”

In strolling toward the other two guests, Rey felt Leia wind an arm through her elbow and heard her speak in a low voice, “I don’t know how you got him to come here, but thank you.”

Blushing again, Rey gave a small smile, “It was nothing, really. He asked me to come, actually.” 

Surely a half-truth wouldn’t hurt anything. 

“You can’t fool me, dear,” Leia winked. “I know my son. He must really care for you.”

Those words hit Rey like cold water. Her heart constricted with the knowledge that on the contrary, Ben Solo found her “not remotely interesting enough to tempt” him. Pathetic to think she still wanted to attend this party and reunite such a gloomy man with his family. 

“Rey, these are some of our oldest friends, Lando and Chewie,” Leia was saying, bringing Rey back to the present to greet the two men. 

Lando stood, cane in hand and a regal powder blue cape extending down his shoulders, with an affable smile stretched across his features. He leaned down to kiss each of her cheeks and Rey inhaled his spiced scent. She had rarely encountered anyone with his level of charm, except maybe Dr. Dameron.

“An honor,” He flashed a blinding smile at her. “Don’t mind my companion here, his English is not great.”

She turned to the towering man at Lando’s right, whose long hair frizzed out, obscuring part of his face, but he greeted her with enthusiasm in an accent she did not understand. 

“She’s Ben’s date, Chewie,” Han retorted, rolling his eyes apologetically at Rey, who had absolutely no idea what was happening.

Ben, hovering on the periphery of this conversation could not escape his uncles’ attention much longer, and they both descended on him with such excitement Rey couldn’t fathom why anyone wouldn’t want to come home to these people. 

“So, kid, how’d you two meet?” Han asked Rey, who glanced at Ben.

“He knocked me to the ground on campus,” Rey answered honestly, and Ben’s eyes flashed to her. “It was raining. He didn’t even help me up--I thought he had no manners at all.”

Leia shook her head but a smile lined her lips, “Good grief, Ben.”

“I didn’t realize you were on the ground until you popped up in front of me,” Ben responded defensively. “Then you called me an asshole or something and stormed off!”

Han barked out a laugh as Rey turned scarlet at the memory. 

“But I forgave him for his rudeness when I realized he requires a hazardous amount of caffeine to function as a human being,” Rey smiled ruefully. 

Ben rolled his eyes, “A triple espresso really isn’t _that_ much caffeine.”

Forgetting they were surrounded by others, Lando reminded her when he cut into their conversation, “You two remind me of Leia and Han.” 

Examining Ben’s guarded expression, Rey wondered if Lando’s words should be taken as a compliment.

“Not true,” Leia snorted, saving Rey from needing to respond. “I could _never_ pull off that suit.” 

Just then, a pencil-thin gentleman appeared, a frazzled expression on his smooth face, “Madam, your guests are beginning to arrive. Should I open the front doors?” 

Leia glanced back at the small group gathered next to her then flashed a smile, “Yes, Threepio. Go ahead. We’re as ready as we’ll ever be.”

“Speak for yourself,” Han and Ben muttered under their breath in unison. 

Leia shot them both a disapproving glance and then took Rey’s hand in hers, “Come on, dear. Let’s head into the reception hall.”

The overwhelming sensation returned as Rey entered the cavernous space, which featured three roaring fireplaces and was decorated with gold trimmings. Imagining this as a ballroom from a different time, Rey gazed up at the ceiling, which was adorned with a fresco of angels. 

“It’s obnoxious, I know,” Leia chortled. “My mother’s family were not known for their subtlety.”

As Ben, alongside his father and uncles, made his way into the hall, Rey hoped for a chance to fade into the background before the guests would trickle in, all undoubtedly interested in speaking with Ben’s mother. 

Thankfully, Ben stepped in at her side and quietly muttered to her, “The library is off this hall, come on.”

Retreating from his family, Ben tugged Rey toward an archway near the far end of the room. He pushed the creaking door open and led the way into a dimly lit room. Rey breathed in the smell of old books and dust with relish as Ben flicked on more lights. 

The library offered an impressive number of shelves, complete with a rolling ladder, which Rey had only ever seen in movies. 

“Wow,” She gushed, strolling the length of the room. “This is… wonderful.”

Ben’s eyes followed her as she traced the length of the cases of worn books, “I spent a lot of time in here as a child.”

When she didn’t respond, he added, “I hope my family hasn’t overwhelmed you.”

Rey turned and gave a hardy laugh, “Everything about this place is overwhelming.”

“Well, you’ve won them over,” Ben responded and Rey found no trace of malice in his words. “Even Han seems to like you.” 

Peering into one of the shelves featuring prominent books on philosophy, Rey said, “Well, they seem to like you just as much. I mean, you led me to believe we would be walking into a den of, I don’t know, pit vipers?”

The tightening in Ben’s jawline conveyed the flare in his temper, “They’re always on their best behavior in front of others. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

Rey shrugged, “I don’t but it seems like they are trying to mend things. Especially your mum.”

Sighing, Ben glanced at the shelves instead of his companion, “We should get back. She’ll notice we disappeared soon. She’ll want to show off her prodigal son.” 

Once again bitterness encompassed his words and instead of pushing the matter, she merely followed him back out of their moment of respite. In re-entering the hall, the pair discovered several dozen guests mingling at the standing tables and lining up at the bar stations at either end of the room. 

“Ben! I thought your mom was bullshitting me when she said you were here!” The boisterous tone of Dr. Dameron’s voice carried over the din from his position at a table near where they emerged.

At the sight of her, Dr. Dameron seemed rendered totally speechless for the first time since Rey had met him. She gave a small smile, “Hey, Dr. Dameron.”

“Absolutely not!” He rebuffed with an expression of indignation. “We are not at the shop or the university. I _refuse_ to be called ‘Dr. Dameron’ at a party.”

Ben gave his friend a cold glare, “Poe, quit harassing my guest and hand us one of those glasses.”

Obligingly, Poe handed over two flutes of champagne, “You’re literally the last person I expected to see here. When Leia said ‘Rey’, I never made the connection.”

Rey gave a quick glance to Ben. How far would this deceit go? She settled on responding with, “It’s a long story.” 

Sipping at her glass, she then turned to take in the other guests assembled. Most appeared to be the same age as Ben’s parents, dripping in wealth and grandeur. Rey had never felt more like an imposter in her entire life.

“Don’t let it fool you,” Poe offered to her, leaning across the table. “Most of these people are the fucking _worst_.” 

Rey let out a giggle at his words, “Beats mopping the floors at the shop and listening to Finn sing off-key, at any rate.”

“Yeah, you’re a regular Cinderella tonight,” Poe smirked. “But with pants.”

“More practical,” Rey retorted. 

Aware of Ben glowering next to her, she turned to gauge what had sent him into a bad mood so quickly. Poe rolled his eyes and thumped his friend on the shoulder, “Relax, buddy. I’m not trying to steal your date. It’s called being _nice_. You should try it sometime!”

Ben gave Poe a withering gaze but the older man appeared immune to the expression and told Rey in a mock-whisper, “Ben doesn’t share well with others.”

Once again, Rey felt the sting of 1,000 little cuts. Perhaps agreeing to come and let people believe what they wanted was not the smartest plan in the world, after all. She certainly didn’t want to linger on the thought of why it hurt her so much to feel the truth of their situation. 

But Ben’s gaze had hardened as he stared at the entrance to the reception hall. Following his line of sight, Poe breathed a low, “Shit.”

Turning her head in interest, Rey spotted a gentleman in a black suit, his dark grey beard and hair trimmed neatly. He was greeting Leia with a kiss on the cheek. Rey casually observed the similarities in his face when compared with Ben’s mother.

“I need some air,” Ben stated before storming off toward the other end of the hall, leaving Rey bewildered and looking to Poe for answers.

Poe’s eyes followed his friend’s retreating form with pity. “Sorry, Rey. I guess he hasn’t told you about Luke?”

At her confused head shake, Poe continued, “Luke is Leia’s twin brother… Ben’s uncle. He runs Skywalker Publishing Corporation.”

Rey’s jaw fell open. Skywalker Publishing had emerged as a leading company in the print world within the last decade. 

“Well, Ben and his uncle had a falling out after Ben’s novel went to number one on the best seller’s list--”

“ _What!?_ ” Rey’s sharp gasp cut into Poe’s story. She had to sit her glass on the table to keep from dropping it.

Poe blinked at her, “Damn. I thought you knew Ben was a published author. He wrote _Knights of Ren_.”

Feeling dizzy at this, Rey clutched the table for support. _Knights of Ren_ had been her favorite book from the year of its release. And to think, she had been standing right next to its author the entire night.

“He published it under a pseudonym, despite what his uncle wanted,” Poe added. “Anyway, when it became a massive hit, Ben refused to write another novel for Skywalker and instead sold the rights to his follow-up novel to First Order Publishers. Of course, he never actually finished that one. I don’t know why he did it. He’s a mystery, our Ben.”

Rey steadied her breaths and managed, “I guess so.”

“Look, don’t tell Ben I told you all of that. He’s pretty private about that shit. But he also shouldn’t be storming out and leaving his date with no explanation, either,” Poe finished then gestured over her shoulder. “He’s on the balcony, I think.”

Turning from the table without a further response, Rey traced Ben’s steps out to a terrace off the hall. She found him standing alone under the moonlight, his breath curling into a mist. 

“Sorry,” He offered briskly. 

She shrugged, “I needed some air, too.” 

Pushing away the cold sensation seeping into her skin, she joined him next to the railing, studying the bright stars dotting the sky above them. Trying not to think about how little she knew about the man next to her, she traced Orion’s Belt and the Big Dipper.

“I don’t know why I came back here,” He muttered finally.

Instead of responding to his statement, Rey gazed up into his dark eyes and steadied her nerves.

“ _Let the past die. Kill it if you have to,_ ” She quoted faithfully. “ _I_ _t’s the only way you become what you were meant to be._ ”

He gazed down at her in shock, “Fucking Dameron.”

“Don’t blame him. He only told me because you stormed off,” She retorted. “You know, that book got me through the first year of my graduate studies.” 

Ben Solo turned his gaze up to the sky, allowing the moonlight to highlight the pinkness of his nose and lips. For the first time, Rey permitted her consciousness to give voice to her feelings. He was striking, beautiful even, under the bright glow of the full moon above them. 

“Kylo Ren was my escape from all this,” He gestured around himself. “My escape from my parents’ suffocating expectations. My mother wanted me to be a senator. My father wanted me to be a pilot. I just wanted to be me. I know it sounds petulant, but after 20 years of expectations and lessons and etiquette training, I was sick of it all.”

Rey watched the mist furl from his lips with interest, not daring to interrupt his confessional. 

“But then being Kylo Ren became just as exhausting. When I completed my Ph.D., I decided to leave and be Dr. Solo,” He finished, somewhat lamely.

Nodding in understanding, Rey gently stated, “So that’s why you haven’t been home in 5 years.”

“It’s part of it,” He shrugged, glancing down at her. “I just couldn’t deal with their pity and disappointment. Especially… _Luke’s_.”

He hissed out his uncle’s name as an angry distorted expression appeared on his face. 

“You know,” Rey prodded. “ _You’re_ the only one who gets to decide if you’re a disappointment or not.”

Ben gave another of his humorous chuckles, “You sound like a therapist.”

“I guess Rose is rubbing off on me,” Rey smiled. “But, I think you should stop hiding in your own shadow. Kylo Ren… Dr. Solo… Why not try just being _Ben_ for once?”

Blinking at her question, Ben’s response was cut short by the appearance of Poe in the doorway, “C’mon love birds, Leia is about to give her speech.”

Rey turned to Ben, who nodded briefly and took her hand in his large palm. Thankful to leave the freezing balcony, she followed him back into the reception hall, where she saw Leia holding a microphone and beaming at the gathered audience. Han and Luke were still clustered near the entrance to the hall, deep in passionate conversation.

“Thank you, everyone, for coming out to our small party tonight at Alderaan Estate,” Leia winked. “We continue to be blessed with your friendship and patronage to our many philanthropic pursuits. I’m delighted to announce our latest fundraiser totaled nearly $500,000 to benefit local children.”

A smattering of applause passed around the room before she continued, “Tonight is an extra special occasion. I am grateful to be surrounded by my entire family, including our son, Dr. Ben Solo.”

The uncomfortable shift of the room’s attention to where she and Ben stood, hand in hand, like two deer caught in the headlights caused Rey’s stomach to flip. She squeezed his hand tightly as if to say, _Don’t you dare let go._

He didn’t. Instead, he gave a slight inclination of his head toward his mother and she continued, “He takes after his father. Not one for giving speeches.” A round of polite chuckles greeted her words and Ben visibly relaxed when the room’s attention moved away from him once more.

“As we head into a new year, I hope you all will continue supporting our foundation’s mission of empowering abandoned children and supporting women and girls across the world in the pursuit of their dreams,” Leia’s serious tone lingered in the air. “Please enjoy the rest of your evening. Don’t leave before midnight or you will miss the fireworks show!”

As she finished, Rey turned to Ben, wondering how many surprises she could take in one evening, “Your mother runs a charity for abandoned children?”

A guilty expression colored Ben’s face, “It’s one of many she oversees. Her foundation provides funding for orphans to attend college or pursue a career in the arts.” 

This piece of information hit Rey squarely in the chest, knocking the breath from her lungs. These people… The Solos… What if--

“They don’t operate in England, currently,” Ben responded to her expression. 

Grateful to not owe anything to anyone in the room with her, Rey nodded, not trusting her voice to work properly. Poe, seeming to have not heard any of the exchange between them, grinned and handed another round of champagne flutes to his friends.

Rey felt sick--not from the few drinks she had consumed but by the shameless display of wealth she found herself standing in, surrounded by people who could help millions if they would loosen their grip on greed. Even Ben, pensively observing the room, probably held a net worth of more than Rey could fathom. 

“You alright, Rey?” Poe asked gently, placing a hand on her shoulder. 

She forced her eyes to meet his and found a warm concern etched into his handsome features. His eyes held no trace of his usual joking manner and Rey felt fully exposed under his gaze. _Do not cry_ , she commanded herself. 

“I just need…” But instead of finishing her thought, she pulled away and made a brisk beeline to the end of the room, trying to ascertain where a bathroom might be. 

Stumbling into the first open door she could locate, Rey froze at the sight of two men in the middle of what appeared to be a fierce quarrel. The narrow serving room only featured a few dim lights, but she easily identified her fellow occupants.

“Don’t make things harder on Leia,” Han growled in a low voice, pushing a finger in Luke’s face. “You owe her that much… Ben coming home is all she’s spoken about for weeks.”

Luke’s expression remained impassive as he responded, “Perhaps you should pull yourself together in front of our guest.”

Han’s head snapped up and Rey tried not to look like an eavesdropper as she offered an awkward wave. Rey sensed Han did not have his wife’s tact for diplomacy and with great effort, he pulled himself together. 

“Sorry, I, uh…” Rey cast about for any viable excuse besides saying, _I wanted to hide in here_ _to cry because I am totally overwhelmed_. 

“Don’t worry, kid,” Han offered gruffly, then moved closer to the counter. “Want some coffee? This old machine still makes a decent cup.”

So that’s where Ben had gotten his unhealthy intake behaviors from. “Um, no thank you.”

Luke rolled his eyes at his brother-in-law and offered a hand to Rey, “Luke Skywalker.” 

Not knowing what else to do, Rey took his hand and said, “I know. I’m Rey.”

“Leia tells me you are pursuing your doctorate in literature,” His words sounded friendly but his eyes held no real warmth as he spoke. “We are always looking for pitches at Skywalker Publishing.”

“For Christ’s sake, Luke, leave the girl alone,” Han huffed, pulling two mugs from a nearby cabinet and pouring a generous amount of dark liquid into both. As if on autopilot, he dropped two sugar cubes in both cups and stirred. 

Rey followed his line of sight out of the small window, “Is that your plane?” 

Looking genuinely happy for the first time that evening, Han gave a roguish grin, “Yeah. Leia hates when I leave it out… Says it’s tacky. But it’s easier to do repairs this way.”

“Do you fly, Rey?” Luke asked in a mild tone. 

For Rey, who had never so much as driven a _car_ , the question caused her to snort and respond, “Uh, no. But I can appreciate the complex mechanics required to fly.”

Han’s eyes widened and he offered, “I could show you tomorrow if you like?”

“That would be amazing,” Rey grinned, allowing her excitement to push the discomfort from before out of her mind for the moment. 

Hoisting the two cups from the counter, Han shot her a rueful grin, “I can’t keep the princess waiting. It’s almost time for fireworks.”

He left the room then, abandoning Rey to Luke’s company. His expression held the same impassive neutrality she had observed when he first entered the party. 

“It’s nice to see Ben happy,” He offered after an awkward pause, raising his eyes to hers and holding her gaze steady. “But you should be wary.”

Rey felt her temper threatening to flare but she managed to sound disinterested when she asked, “And why is that?”

The older man sighed heavily and Rey thought she saw the fleeting appearance of grief pass over his gnarled features, “Because he is… volatile. He hurts those who love him with little remorse afterward.”

Gathering herself to her full height, Rey stared evenly at Luke Skywalker with contempt, “Maybe those who confess to _love_ him would do better to show that affection, rather than tell others about it.”

She turned and hurried from the room, wringing her hands with frustration. What a mess this evening was turning out to be. As she worked back toward the reception hall, she found the foyer filled with guests making their way into the cold grand front balcony to watch the planned firework display.

Spotting Poe and Ben lingering behind, she made her way to them, noting how much her feet were beginning to groan with discomfort and tiredness. 

“Rey!” Poe greeted her enthusiastically. She wondered how many glasses of champagne he’d drunk throughout the course of the evening. “I was just telling Ben that it must be nice to have someone to kiss at midnight for a change.”

Rey noticed a red flush creep into Ben’s otherwise placid features at Poe’s words.

“I am sure any of the elderly women present this evening would be more than willing to oblige you,” Ben retorted in a cool tone. “In fact, a number of the elderly men here would likely also not object.”

Laughing with good humor, Poe reached up to sling an arm around Ben’s shoulders, “Touché, old friend.” 

Ben turned to Rey and asked, “Are you… well?” 

Restraining herself from laughing at Ben’s attempt at being a compassionate human being, Rey nodded with a shrug. “Ran into your dad. He was making coffee.”

Making a noncommittal noise, Ben returned his gaze to the crowd now gathered on the balcony. Poe was busy checking his watch before flashing a grin at Rey, “Two minutes till midnight, c’mon, lovebirds. The fireworks are why I keep coming back to this shindig each year.”

“And the free booze,” Ben muttered under his breath as Poe pulled him along in his wake. Rey trailed them, fatigued both emotionally and physically as the evening drew closer to midnight. She didn’t usually manage to stay awake past 10 p.m., so pushing into the early morning hours was asking quite a lot of her half-functioning brain.

Stifling a yawn and finding a free spot to stand, she found herself sandwiched between Ben and his father. 

“It’s good luck to kiss at midnight,” Leia smirked at Poe, who had apparently not dropped his kissing-at-midnight talking point despite the location change. 

Han nudged Ben, who jumped a little from the direct contact, “See why I’m so lucky, kid?”

Rey sensed heat rush to her cheeks and felt grateful for the cold air to temper the flush in her face. All of a sudden, someone began counting down at the top of their voice and the rest of the crowd fell in quickly.

_10… 9…_

Ben turned to look at her, his father still smirking and Poe clapping him on the back.

_8… 7… 6…_

Rey watched his expression shift as a resolve entered his dark eyes as they reflected the bright moonlight back to her. He abruptly leaned in so close to her she could smell the mix of spearmint and champagne on his breath.

_5… 4… 3…_

“Is this okay?” He muttered in a low voice, ensuring none of their company could hear him. 

_2… 1…_

Rey’s heart skipped a beat as she gave a brief inclination of her head in response.

The booming fireworks peppered the sky as Ben Solo leaned down and gently placed his soft lips against hers. Her mouth moved instinctively, not bothering to wait for her brain’s permission. For that stretch of time, the universe seemed to contain only them, two lonely people spinning between stars, and Rey forgot that her circumstances were an illusion. She forgot to care whether or not her furious heartbeats thudded loud enough for everyone in their vicinity to hear. She forgot to guard herself against the wrecking ball of desire.

All that mattered was the electricity shooting through her every nerve, despite the numbing cold trying to seep into her skin. The warmth of Ben’s hand cupping her jaw in one hand anchored her to him. A dizzying moment later, he pulled away, his expression unreadable in the fading lights of the fireworks.

 _Shit_. Rey thought, staring up at his face, searching for answers to all the questions she couldn’t bring herself to ask. _What have I gotten myself into?_

The party showed no signs of slowing down even after the final firework lit up the sky. After Ben stepped away from her, muttering about needing another drink, Rey found herself on a small bench near the entrance to the foyer, half-hidden behind a curtain from everyone and fighting with her eyelids. 

With the sound of voices above her, Rey slowly came to, realizing with creeping embarrassment that she had actually _fallen asleep_ in the middle of a party. That was a new record for her. Two large hands wrapped around behind her back and under her knees. Suddenly, she found herself being hoisted into the air. 

“ _What--_ ” She started, her speech slurred from sleep.

“Don’t worry,” A familiar voice murmured. “You’re okay.”

The pull of sleep returned to her consciousness and between the mixture of the lateness of the hour and the glasses of champagne she had consumed, she found it impossible to keep her eyes open.

 _This is a strange dream_ , she contemplated as the sound of distorted conversation and noise surrounded her.

“Thanks for coming, I think it helped Rey feel more comfortable,” _Was that Ben?_

“No problem, man,” Another familiar voice responded in a hushed tone. “Y’know, she seems good for you.”

A long pause. “I think… She might be _too_ good for me.”

“Ben, cut that emo shit out,” _That’s Poe_ , her sleepy brain told her. “It’s not a crime to feel happy, y’know?”

A deep sigh. “It’s complicated.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Poe snorted. “Just… don’t fuck this one up, okay? The universe is only gonna give you so many chances.”

“See you in a few days,” Ben muttered curtly. “And… don’t mention this to anyone at work.”

“My lips are sealed,” Came Poe’s good-humored response. “I will be telling BB8, though.”

Vaguely, dream Rey wondered who BB8 was, but before she could finish the thought the darkness crept back into her mind and she found her dream changing.

 _Bright._ Her brain sluggishly registered daylight hitting her face. _Daylight?_

Sitting bolt upright, she found herself in her bed, still in her suit, which would now definitely need to be dry cleaned before she could return it. Looking around the room, she saw a note placed on her bedside table.

_**Breakfast is at 10. I’ll meet you in our common room at 9:45 if you’re awake.** _

Pulling her phone from her pocket with alarm, she found it was a quarter until 9 a.m. Breathing a sigh of relief, she then realized she had missed about 50 messages and several calls from Finn and Rose.

 _I swear to GOD, if we don’t hear from you in the morning, I will call the police_ , Rose had sent just after midnight.

 _Sorry! I fell asleep at the party. Not sure how I got back to my room_ … Rey responded quickly, not keen on having the police show up to Ben’s familial home because her best friends were wary she had been murdered.

 _OMG. Are you okay?_ Finn responded first, likely because he had drawn the opening shift.

 _Yes. You know I turn into a pumpkin after midnight._ She wrote, then followed her message with another to distract him. _Dr. Dameron was here last night_.

Finn expressed his reaction with a series of skull and crossbones emojis.

_I have to get ready for breakfast. Promise I will let you know when I am home this evening. Love you!_

_Don’t expect me to forget that you just dropped a NUCLEAR bomb and then said kthxbai!_ Finn sent back, and Rey giggled, laying her phone on the table to charge while she showered.

Stumbling into the large bathroom, she took in her appearance. Well, her hair had certainly looked better, and her eye makeup had ended up on her temples, but all-in-all she found herself impressed by Rose’s makeup selections.

Carefully removing her borrowed suit and hairpins, she faced the shower, which featured four knobs. Some trial and error later, she stepped into the warm spray, thinking about the last thing she remembered from the night before.

Of course, that line of thought led her straight back to the balcony, Ben’s lips pressed against her own in front of a whole host of witnesses, including _her new boss?_

In the light of day, Rey felt the stupidity of all her choices since Christmas morning collapsing upon her. She ran her fingers through her hair, working to remove any knots from the hairspray she had applied the day before. As she relaxed her shoulders and attempted to empty her mind, memories flickered before her closed eyes.

Someone lifting her from a bench. Two men discussing not fucking something up. Being placed on a soft surface. A finger brushing her cheek. 

Shaking her head, she snapped back to the present. Working to expedite her shower, she tried to push the thought of _kissing_ Ben from her mind. She wouldn’t think about the roughness of his hands against her cheek. She wouldn’t linger on the zero-gravity effect his touch inflicted upon her stomach. She wouldn’t unpack knowing her favorite author was waiting for her at the end of the hallway.

Stepping out and pulling a towel to herself, she shivered in the drafty room, staring at her reflection. Cinderella had been washed away and what was she left with? Just… Rey. 

After toweling her hair dry, she moved to retrieve her clothes for breakfast. Pulling on her comfortable olive jumper and khaki trousers gave her a blanket of security. She worked to pull her hair into the standard three buns before grabbing her toothbrush from the toiletry case. 

In glancing at her phone, she realized she needed to meet Ben in five minutes. Pulling on her socks and boots with haste, her fingers fumbled on the laces and she worked to quell the nerves of having to be face-to-face with him so soon after the kiss and then promptly falling asleep and having to be carried to bed. The whole ordeal was humiliating to think about.

Taking a few deep breaths in, Rey reminded herself, in a few hours she would be back in her apartment. She could handle whatever came before then. Setting her shoulders, she pushed her door open and strolled down the short hallway.

She discovered him, sitting in one of the modern chairs near the unlit fireplace, a book in his lap, looking more relaxed than Rey would have imagined.

“Uh, hi,” She started awkwardly, twisting her fingers behind her back where he wouldn’t be able to see.

His eyes snapped up to her, expression guarded once more, “Good morning.”

“Sorry about, uh, falling asleep,” She said sheepishly. “I should’ve warned you that I don’t do well past midnight.”

He closed his book, eyes softening slightly as she finished her apology, “No need to apologize. I benefited from your exhaustion, too.”

She raised an eyebrow and he added, “I was able to leave the party far earlier than usual. Win-win.”

His black sweater cascaded over the hem of his jeans but it was tight across the shoulders. She tried not to stare. As he stood, she took in their height difference once more, glancing up at his neutral expression. He looked tired, and as she traced his long features lit in the soft morning light, she found her eyes lingering on his mouth. 

“We should head to breakfast,” He ejected abruptly, tearing his eyes away from her face. 

Mentally slapping herself for acting so strange, Rey attempted to shake off the awkward tension from the night before and smiled up at him. 

“I’m starving. Please tell me you rich people eat normal food?” She teased as she followed him into the hall.

He gave an easy smile that gripped at the edges of her heart, “Caviar and escargot, exclusively, sorry.”

Crinkling her nose, she shoved his shoulder with her own, “Easy for you, since you only require triple espressos and the blood of undergraduates.” 

His laugh came, unexpected, and just as much a bark as his father’s, “Ah, I see the vampire rumors are alive and well.”

“I serve enough of your students to believe there might be some truth in those rumors,” She winked as they turned the end of the hall and he led her off down a passage she had yet to explore in the enormous house.

“Maybe I should look into getting a coffin installed in my office,” He offered, a mock-contemplative expression flashing across his face. 

Rey shook her head, “No, I heard you sleep upside down, hanging from the rafters… Although I know better. Someone who takes in as much caffeine as you is incapable of sleep.”

They had arrived at the doorway into a small dining area, and he paused to roll his eyes, “You know, now that you’ve figured it out, I have to kill you, right?”

“I always _did_ want to be the subject of a hit true-crime podcast,” She smiled, elbowing him as they made their way into the room.

Leia and Han were already seated at a beautiful oak table, complete with intricately carved legs featuring a forest scene. Leia’s hair was braided into a less complicated pattern than the night before. Han appeared much the same but he had traded his tux for jeans and a flannel shirt. Ben’s family looked odd in juxtaposition with their ornate surroundings.

“Morning,” Han offered, placing the newspaper he had been reading on the table. “You know, it’s pretty sad when we old folks can outlast you at a party.”

Rey colored at his statement and Leia tutted at her husband in response, “Young people have better things to do than listen to a bunch of old rich people talk shop.”

Unsure if there was a seating arrangement she should know about, she followed Ben’s lead. He gestured at the seat next to his across from his mother. Rey sat carefully, observing the spread on the table. The amount of food laid out suggested a small army would be joining.

“I didn’t know what you liked,” Leia said, a little sheepish. “I got a little carried away.”

Rey’s eyes snapped up to the older woman, “You made all of this?”

Giving her son a look of reproach, Leia said, “I guess Ben hasn’t told you about my love for cooking. It’s very therapeutic.”

“Well, it’s a relatively new hobby for you,” Ben said, pointedly looking over his mother’s shoulder. “Threepio did most of the cooking when I lived here.”

Sensing the chill entering the conversation, Rey felt compelled to shift the subject.

“Han offered to show me his plane today,” She smiled, reaching to accept a mug of coffee from Ben’s father. 

“Oh, Lord, not that piece of junk,” Leia sighed, rolling her eyes. “You do not have to humor him, dear.”

“Rey is a mechanic,” Ben added abruptly, causing everyone at the table to turn to him, including Rey.

“Oh, I thought you were a doctoral student?” Leia asked with confusion etched into her smooth features. 

“I am,” Rey said, still trying to read Ben’s intentions. “But I think what Ben means is I enjoy fixing things.”

“No, you are a _natural_ at fixing things,” Ben argued. Rey continued to stare at him. Why would he not let this go?

“Really? I appreciate a gal who gets her hands dirty,” Han chuckled until a look from Leia caused him to return to seriousness. “I just mean it’s nice to have someone around who can _appreciate_ the Falcon.”

Leia shook her head at Rey, obviously trying to suppress a laugh, “Men are awful. Solo men doubly so. Here, let me get you something to eat.”

As Leia spooned more food than Rey would ever be able to fit into her stomach onto a plate, she looked at Ben, who while not _relaxed_ did appear slightly less constipated than usual as he sipped from his mug, perusing the paper his father had discarded.

“So, Rey,” Leia said after a few moments of eating in silence had passed. “Ben hasn’t told us much about you, I’m afraid.”

“Le-- Mom,” Ben corrected himself. “Leave it alone.”

“Ben, I think I have a right to ask my guests harmless questions,” Leia retorted, and Rey saw quite clearly how her son came by his stubborn nature. 

Glancing between his wife and son, Han shot Rey a shrug from across the table before returning to his scrambled eggs and bacon. Leia and Ben remained locked in an intense staredown, neither willing to break the tension. 

“Well, you know I’m a doctoral student and I can fix things,” Rey said, trying to smooth both parties over. “Not much more, really. I work at a local coffee shop near campus. Oh, and I’ll be TAing for Dr. Dameron in the spring.”

Leia broke away first, smiling at Rey, and her pleasure at getting her way came through in her demeanor, “When did you leave England?”

“Mom,” Ben said, his temper flaring. Under the table, Rey lay her hand across his and squeezed. 

“It’s fine, Ben,” She added. “Um, I moved here to start graduate school about four years ago.”

“Long way to be away from family,” Han interjected, unaware that he was hovering over the grenade Ben had tried to avoid for her sake. 

But Rey had spent too many years unlearning her shame of where she came from to be embarrassed now. The worst part of sharing her story was always the pity but something told her the two people sitting across from her were different.

“I don’t have any, actually,” Rey grimaced. “Family, I mean. I was orphaned shortly after my fifth birthday.” 

Han dropped his piece of toast and Leia sat back as if struck. Ben studied his parents carefully but he did not remove his hand from where it rested underneath her own. The rough texture of his palm turning up to meet hers caused a new set of fluttering in her chest.

“Chosen family is often worth more than bloodlines anyway, in my opinion,” Han said, retrieving his toast. 

Han’s words conjured images of Finn’s kind dark face greeting her that first morning in the shop, and of Rose’s careful brush strokes on her nails two days prior. She thought of the laughter and love she had carved out for herself in a world that had tried to take it from her.

“Well, speaking of birthdays,” Leia said tactfully, likely sensing the raw emotion in Rey’s expression. “Sorry we missed yours, Ben. Did you two do anything fun?”

Rey felt her hand constrict from shock from its position over Ben’s. How had they failed to discuss something as basic as _birthdays?_ She had absolutely nothing to try and deduce a birthday from given their few sparse conversations.

“I was out of town for a conference,” Ben supplied easily. “Dameron managed to get into my office and stuff all my drawers with cotton balls and hid a teddy bear in the ceiling that sang ‘Happy Birthday’ on repeat.”

Rey choked back a laugh, knowing she should not give away that this was her first time hearing the story. Being aware of how much Ben hated being laughed at, she quickly took a gulp of coffee to prevent a smile from creeping across her face.

“Poor Poe,” Leia chuckled. “Maybe one day he’ll grow up… But it’s probably good for you to have him around.”

The rest of breakfast passed quickly, with Rey idly chatting about her dissertation and job with Leia while Han and Ben seemed to ignore each other with practiced ease. As it neared 11, Leia stood, collecting dishes to transport to the kitchen.

“Please, let me help you,” Rey interjected, reaching to pick up a platter of leftovers, and with the familiarity of one who had worked many service industry jobs, she stacked dishes along her arm.

“You won’t hear me refuse help with cleaning up,” Leia laughed, leading the way to the kitchen. “My parents used to keep paid help but that seems ridiculous when only two people are living here.”

Rey smiled, carefully setting her load of dirty plates on the counter, “I can’t imagine the upkeep.”

Shrugging, Leia started the tap and began pulling dishes into the sink, “My secretary, Threepio, handles a lot of it. He served my father before me, and I don’t know how he’s still working. Sometimes I think he must run on electricity.”

In comfortable silence, Rey rinsed and dried each item handed to her by the older woman. 

“I met your brother last night,” Rey finally admitted. 

Not looking surprised at this piece of information, Leia nodded, a small sadness visible in her expression. “Poor Luke. His heart is too big. Like Han. And Ben.”

“Not you?” Rey asked, giving Leia a puzzled glance.

Leia’s humorless chuckle sounded a lot like her son’s and she responded carefully, “Life taught me to guard my heart… Until Han came along and stole it before I knew what was happening.”

Another few moments of silence followed before Leia continued, “Luke is a good man, Rey. Whatever Ben might’ve told you--”

“He’s never really mentioned Luke, honestly,” Rey interjected quickly, happy to be fully honest about something for a change. 

“I suppose that’s not surprising,” Leia sighed. “Ben worshipped his uncle for a long time. I think it’s hard for kids to grow up and realize what a mess adults really are, underneath it all.”

Trying to resist the urge to pry, Rey hummed a soft ascent, though she had been exposed to how messy adults were far too early in her life to really understand Leia’s point.

“Ben and Luke both made mistakes,” Leia said, pulling the stopper to drain the sink. “But they’re too stubborn to forgive themselves and admit their disappointment in each other is just what happens when you put people on a pedestal.” 

Rey studied the older woman’s face, the fine lines around her eyes conveying an old sadness, “I know I wasn’t the mother Ben deserved. I tried to do too much… To prove _I_ was different. Luke offered him the parent that Han and I couldn’t be.”

Feeling a little awkward hearing all of this about a man she barely knew, Rey shifted uncomfortably and turned to hide her face under the pretense of wiping her hands.

“But Luke didn’t know how to parent any better than we did. His disappointment was the final straw, I suppose. I lost my son for five years, but he had been slipping away for much longer,” The last words came out as a melancholic whisper. The soft hands of Ben’s mother wrapped around her own, hidden under a kitchen towel.

Turning to see the sadness replaced by bright hopefulness in Leia’s eyes caused guilt to flood Rey’s stomach, “I can never express to you how much I appreciate you bringing him home, Rey. I’ve never seen him like this… so… free.”

Swallowing the grief surging in her throat, Rey gently extracted her hands to place the towel back on its designated hook. This was more than she had signed up for when she had decided to take Ben Solo’s hand under a dim streetlight. A tidal wave threatened to sweep her away from that moment until Han’s voice broke into her thoughts.

“Ready to see the _Falcon_ , kid?” Han’s head appeared around the doorframe. “Ben said he needed to finish revising a draft about something I won’t even attempt to pronounce.”

Thankful to have the opportunity for respite from Leia’s overwhelming gratitude, Rey grinned. 

“Ben brought your coat,” Han offered, extending the puffy jacket toward her. “He said you might get lost trying to retrieve it or be stubborn enough to freeze to death while I, and I quote, ‘drone on and on about that piece of garbage.’ So charming.”

“Wonder where he gets _that_ from?” Leia smirked, watching Rey don her coat before pointing to Han and adding, “Do not keep her out there all morning. If you see her so much as yawn once…”

“Yeah, yeah, your majesty, I promise,” Han rolled his eyes and gestured for Rey to follow him toward a door leading off the kitchen. “C’mon, kid, I want to see what you make of Chewie’s upgrades.”

Following Han into the frigid morning air, Rey enjoyed the warmth of the sun on her face despite the cool breeze ruffling her hair. He trekked down to where his small plane sat, reflecting the clear sky back at them.

Han, not a man for idle chit chat Rey had learned, set about retrieving a tool case from the plane’s front seat and opened a panel, exposing the engine to her. Taking in the complicated inner workings, Rey smiled unconsciously. 

“Chewie installed something new for me last week, but now I’m having trouble with picking up speed,” Han muttered gruffly. “The hyperdrive keeps overheating.”

Examining the area he was pointing toward, Rey peered up at him, “Why not just bypass it?”

Blinking in the sunlight at her, Han seemed at a full loss for words, “Huh. Bypass it… Y’know, that might work.”

“I will _definitely_ work,” Rey grinned. “Then you reduce the pressure building on the coupling unit near the sublight drive…” She tried to answer his stunned expression with a shrug. “I used to read a lot of old manuals.” 

“Don’t sell yourself short, kid,” Han grunted, working to carry out her suggestion before adding gruffly, “Hope Luke didn’t bother you last night.”

 _Not Luke again,_ Rey thought with exasperation but answered, “No. He just wanted to warn me… about Ben.”

Han rolled his eyes, “Yeah, the Skywalkers love their drama. You’ll get used to it.”

For some reason, this casual reference of acceptance into his family caused tears to prick at the corners of her eyes. This was not her world. This was an illusion. These people would never be her family. 

“Got it!” Han exclaimed, breaking into her reverie as he finished his work and shot her an impish grin. “Can’t wait to blow Chewie’s mind.” 

Rey watched as he folded his tools back into the bag before closing the panel. Turning back to face her, he said, “You’ll have to come back in the summer and I’ll take you up in her… You can leave Ben behind if you want to.”

Swallowing back yet another wave of sadness at the thought of the Solos someday hearing from their son that he and Rey had parted ways--perhaps tragically, perhaps mutually--but no matter what, irreparably. 

“C’mon, let’s get back before Leia can accuse me of holding you hostage,” He motioned at the path leading back toward the house.

“Thanks for, well,” Rey began awkwardly, gesturing at the plane now behind them.

Barking out another laugh, Han nodded, “I don’t know why you put up with Ben, but he’s lucky to have found you, kid.”

Not trusting her voice to respond, she offered a weak smile and turned her eyes toward her feet. The last two days had existed in an alternate universe, filled with a lifestyle Rey would never understand. She felt like someone trying to build a puzzle but without half the pieces and while wearing a blindfold.

She followed Ben’s father back through the door into the warm kitchen, now devoid of any evidence of the grand breakfast from an hour before. She noticed the fridge in the corner, covered in photos, most featuring a young boy, a wide grin stretching across his exaggerated features. One picture captured a much younger Leia and Han, standing in front of the very plane Rey had just been examining, with Ben on Han’s shoulders. Taking in the happiness in that photo, which would one day fade to disappointed estrangement, pierced right through her heart.

“I guess I need to go start packing,” Rey said as she tore her eyes away from the old family portrait. “I’ll do my best not to get lost.”

Han grunted in acknowledgment while pulling off his coat and scarf. Exiting the kitchen, Rey carefully retraced the path Ben had taken earlier that morning. While the eagerness of being home in her familiar apartment danced at the periphery of her consciousness, she also recognized a sadness at the thought of leaving this mirage of love and warmth.

Finding Ben in the common room, pouring over a thick set of papers, a pair of glasses perched on the end of his nose, Rey allowed herself to feel a small triumph at managing to navigate her way back.

“I see you managed to escape from Han Solo,” Ben stated, voice heavy with a sarcasm Rey didn’t fully understand.

Shrugging defensively, she rebutted, “I actually helped him fix an issue with the hyperdrive.”

“Of course you did,” Ben muttered under his breath.

Sensing his mood, Rey asked, “Did I do something to offend you?”

His eyes flashed to her, and he stared over the top of his glasses for a long moment. Seeming to gain a hand on his temper, he sighed. “No. I apologize. Being back here… it gets to me after a while.”

Humming a vague response, Rey turned to head toward her room, “I’m going to pack.”

By the time she finished her packing, including double and triple-checking her possessions, Ben had also placed his suitcase in the common area. He was carefully tucking his glasses back into their case when she emerged with her own bag. 

A light knock came at the door and Leia opened it before Rey could reach the handle. 

“I didn’t want to let you sneak out without saying goodbye,” She explained, glancing at Ben, whose slightly guilty expression conveyed she had been correct in deducing his plan.

“Thank you for having us,” Rey smiled, wishing she were close enough to elbow Ben into being more gracious.

“You are welcome here at any time, Rey,” Leia replied. 

She took Rey’s hands into her own, and then muttered something in a language Rey couldn’t identify. “It’s an old expression I learned in my early diplomacy days. It translates roughly to, ‘May the force be with you.’ Sort of a wish for good fortune and will.”

Ben watched the exchange, and Rey found his cool mask of careful detachment slightly irksome. 

“Thank you for coming, Ben,” Leia’s attention moved to her son with wrenching tenderness etched into her features. “We are _so_ proud of you. Always.”

Wishing she could be anywhere else at that moment, Rey carefully studied her hands as Ben stared down at his mother and nodded.

“Don’t forget to let me know about April,” Leia added sternly, then extending herself to her tiptoes, she kissed her son on the cheek and exited the room.

After a moment’s awkward pause, Ben finally said, “We should get going.”

Nodding dumbly, Rey followed him out the door and toward the familiar sleek black car. She handed him her suitcase again, and as their fingers brushed, the memory of his lips caressing her own came unbidden to the forefront of her psyche.

Pulling away from her touch, she saw his fingers flex unconsciously. Perhaps he shared that fateful memory, too. Wondering what _he_ thought of the night before caused crimson to fill her cheeks. 

Settling into her seat, Rey pulled on her seatbelt and wondered how to dispel the awkward tension descending upon them once again. Ben kept his eyes on the path from the estate as they made their way back down the winding trail.

“When is your birthday?” Rey asked, remembering the exchange at breakfast.

“November 19,” He answered. “Yours?”

“April 10,” She responded. “I can’t believe I didn’t think to ask you. I don’t even know how old you are!” 

Offering her a soft smile, Ben raised an eyebrow, “Well, I felt asking your age might be seen as rude.”

Rolling her eyes, Rey said, “I’m 28, arse.” 

Her answer didn’t seem to surprise him and he responded, “I turned 38 in November.”

“Well, now I feel better about coming along with you this weekend,” Rey teased. “I _do_ love to help the elderly in my community.”

Shooting her a scowl that held no real menace, he merged onto the interstate and said, “I think you’re supposed to respect your elders, not mock them. Besides, Dameron is two years older than me.”

“ _What?!_ ” Rey laughed in return. “There is no way he’s _40_.”

“You could at least try not to make 40 sound like a death sentence,” Ben said, a crooked smile appearing briefly across his features.

Rey felt herself sliding toward danger again with each flash of his happiness. The comfort of slipping into such an effortless conversation could only foreshadow doom. She traced the length of his mouth with her eyes, noting where it pulled up higher on one side. 

“I met your uncle,” She blurted before mentally slapping herself for ruining the mood.

Instantly, Ben’s face fell into a scowl, “I suppose he pulled his usual self-important bullshit.”

“Not really,” Rey said. “I didn’t give him much of a chance, to be fair. I’m afraid I was pretty rude to him.”

Though he did not take his eyes off the open road, Rey thought she saw a brief flicker of shock pass across his face. He recovered quickly, “He probably deserved it.”

“He did offer me a potential book deal,” She smirked, sensing the tense moment fading.

“Trust me,” Ben muttered. “It is _not_ worth it.”

Studying his dark expression, she asked, “How many people know you’re Kylo Ren?”

“My parents, Luke, obviously, a few literary agents, Dameron, and… you,” He counted slowly. “I never expected to sell a single copy, let alone 500,000 units in a year.”

Tilting her head, she replied, “It’s a great book. I analyzed it for my sci-fi elective three years ago. I won’t say anything to anyone, don’t worry.”

Changing lanes with leisure, he looked over to her, “I’m not. But thank you.”

They sat in comfortable silence for some time, and Rey enjoyed watching the country landscape slowly fade into a metropolitan horizon. The midday traffic held light but steady for long stretches of highway.

“Rey,” Ben finally said, stirring her thoughts. “I wanted to… well… It’s my parent’s 40th anniversary in April and they’re holding a fundraising gala. How would you feel about keeping up this arrangement?”

Forcing all the words out had taken him some time and she blinked at his proposal in stunned silence. 

“Of course, you are under no obligation and it would likely be the last time. Afterward, we can have an amicable split. There’s no need for us to even interact between now and then, if you wish,” He clarified.

They were nearing the shop and she mulled over his words. Once again, she felt as if she were standing on a cliff’s edge, contemplating whether or not to hurl herself into the churning water below. 

“Okay,” She agreed, trying not to linger on _why_ she did not want to say goodbye to Ben Solo and his parents and all the secrets hiding behind those dark eyes. “But you realize, we will have to interact. We’re bound to run into each other when I’m working for Dr. Dameron. Oh god, what are we supposed to do about _him_?”

Ben pulled into a parking spot near the shop and after putting the car in park, he turned to face her, “Why not let him believe whatever he already does?” 

She felt vaguely annoyed to have her own words kicked back at her but she nodded in acknowledgment, “I suppose that is easiest.”

They stared at each other for a long pause and Rey tried to force the desire to reach across to brush the hair from his eyes out of her consciousness. She vaguely recalled a shadowy memory of a gentle caress on her own temple from the night before. 

“Well, I guess I’ll--” Rey started, motioning out of her window and he nodded before climbing out to retrieve her suitcase. 

As they stood on the sidewalk, the weight of the last 24 hours finally settled onto her shoulders and she found herself searching his expression again. Seemingly without thought, he lifted a hand and gently tucked a tendril of loose hair behind her ear. 

“Guess I should get going,” She said softly. “Work in the morning and all that.”

He took a step back from her and offered a small smile, “Try to be nicer to your customers.”

“No promises,” She winked. “See you around.”

As she turned to walk back toward her apartment, she could feel his eyes following her. For the millionth time in the last week, she asked herself _What on earth am I doing?_ Something told her nothing good would come from snowballing this ridiculous lie. 

But another growing voice in the back of her mind told her that she would take whatever came her way if it meant she didn’t have to give up Ben Solo yet, even if she wasn’t ready to acknowledge _why_.

And as her resolve hardened with each step, the decision formed, and she hurled herself from the cliffside, plunging into the waves of uncertainty with a delicious reckless abandon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Han is... tough! But a challenge I enjoyed.
> 
> Fun fact: The "sufficient" comment Ben tells Rey is a real thing an ex-boyfriend said to me once.
> 
> I modeled the Aldeeran Estate on this real-life mansion: https://www.newportmansions.org/explore/the-breakers


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope you all enjoy this chapter of my little fic.
> 
> TW: A character makes a joke about suicide.

* * *

_“Luck of the draw only draws the unlucky, and so I became the butt of the joke.  
_ _I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked; clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke.  
_ _Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down...  
_ _Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town...  
_ _Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it's morning now--it’s brighter now.”_

* * *

As dawn crept across the horizon the following morning, Rey’s feet led her down the familiar path back toward the comfort of routine. The streets shone a little duller without the extra holiday lights on display but she hummed to herself, head still full of the previous evening. 

The recognizable outline of Finn’s form moved behind the glass windows at the shop. She watched as he placed a baking sheet filled with croissants in the display case. Resigning herself to his likely endless list of questions, she made her way through the door, setting off the bells dangling from the entrance. 

“Well, if it isn’t the princess back from the ball,” He smiled to her, wiping his hands hastily on his apron before coming in for a hug.

Embracing him with giddy warmth, Rey laughed, “Yes, the pumpkin has returned!”

He took in her face, studying her with a scrutiny that left her in discomfort. His soft smile was contagious, though, and she felt her lips tugging up at the corners unconsciously. 

“What is it, you weirdo?” She chuckled, moving away from him to place her things behind the counter and don her apron.

Humming, he responded as he made a path back toward the kitchen, “You look _good_. Like better than usual. You’re practically glowing!”

“Gee, thanks,” She rolled her eyes. “What am I usually… a gremlin?”

Calling back to her from the kitchen he added, “Babe, you usually have bags the size of suitcases under your eyes. But it’s more than that… something is different.”

Vaguely registering a sweaty nervous feeling erupting inside her stomach, she pushed the sensation down and tried to act normal… whatever normal meant. Mostly she busied herself trying to reorganize the coffee bar after Kaydel had wrecked it during her absence.

“Now,” Finn continued, reemerging with a tray of glazed donuts. “You can be honest with me, pumpkin, you know I won’t tell anyone. Even Rose... Did you sleep with that gloomy bastard?”

Rey let out a peal of laughter at the sheer absurdity of the question. Tears welled in the corners of her eyes from mirth as Finn watched, unimpressed and impatient. 

“Sorry, that was just _too_ funny,” Rey replied between hiccups leftover from her giggles. 

“But something _did_ happen, darling, you cannot hide it from me,” His eyes narrowed and Rey felt a self-conscious flush rush to her face, causing Finn to erupt in triumph, “I _knew_ it!”

Turning to busy her hands and hide her blush, Rey grudgingly admitted, “We did kiss at midnight, okay. It wasn’t a big deal.”

Grabbing her shoulders and whirling her back toward him, Finn’s face held an incredulous expression, “Rey... I’ve never known you to so much as _look_ at a guy, let alone kiss one! Give me all the details.”

So as she set about preparing coffee cups and restocking syrup bottles, she did. She told him about Ben’s family and their mansion and about the kiss. She chose not to mention the fact that she couldn’t stop thinking about the thrill of having him place his mouth over hers, in the middle of a raging party, for everyone to see.

“Dr. Dameron wouldn’t shut up about kissing at midnight,” She added at the end of her spiel. 

As expected, at the mention of her future boss, Finn’s eyebrows shot up and he smirked, “Now _there’s_ a set of lips to kiss at midnight. We can talk about him later, though! What does this all mean? Are you two… dating?”

At last, the question she had been dreading was raised, and shrugging her shoulders, she chose her words in response carefully, “Um, I don’t know. I guess? He asked me to a fundraising gala in April.”

Throwing his hands up, Finn exclaimed, “What is wrong with straight men? You can’t ask for a follow-up date scheduled _four_ months later!”

“He’s busy, I expect,” Rey said cryptically. “And I will be, too, once I start this TA job. And I still have another draft of my prospectus due before I present it to my committee next month.” 

Pursing his lips to respond, the conversation was cut short by the first client of the morning entering the shop. Thankful for the reprieve from the current discourse, Rey turned to greet the customer with a bright smile.

The few remaining days left before the academic year resumed passed in a fairly quiet manner. Of course, she had recounted the whole story twice for Rose and then Paige as she dropped off the suit after retrieving it from the dry cleaners. 

Rose, like Finn, asked what this meant and Rey managed to shrug her way through the conversation, but as she went to leave her friends’ apartment, Rose caught her wrist.

“Rey,” She murmured quietly. “I want you to be careful.”

Blushing slightly, Rey asked, “Why?”

Rose took a deep breath and pulled Rey’s hands into her own. She searched Rey’s face just as Finn had but a deep line of concern ran across her forehead. 

“Because I know the look on your face,” Rose responded evenly. “Don’t let him break your heart if he’s not worth it, okay?”

Rey blinked rapidly, “Rose, no one is going to break anyone’s heart. It’s not… that serious.”

“That look in your eyes says differently,” Before Rey could protest, Rose raised her hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. I trust you, I do, but I just want you to be careful. You’re a wonderful person and you deserve the absolute best.”

Giving her a tight squeeze, Rey managed to extricate herself from the warm apartment, hoping the freezing air would clear her head. Was she missing something? Why did it feel like her face kept broadcasting to everyone around her a betrayal of her emotions?

Not wanting to dwell on the thought since she would begin her new teaching assistant position the following morning, she walked home at a brisk pace, doing her best to ignore the memory of Rose’s anxious expression. 

Daylight woke her early the next morning. Carefully stretching before setting about her morning routine, she hummed while pulling her hair into its familiar style. 

Choosing the right outfit took her longer than she would ever admit to anyone else. Sometimes she was forcefully reminded of how little she knew about operating like someone who had not endured the childhood and teenage years she’d been consigned to live through. Things like what to wear to the first day of the most important job of her life, for example, were not covered in foster care or street wisdom. 

Finally settling on one of her nicer business dresses and black tights, she set about pulling everything she could foresee herself needing for the day into her backpack. In checking her phone, she found multiple well-wishes from her friends. The first-day nerves quelled at the messages and she kept the grin from reading them on her face all the way to campus. 

Dr. Holdo welcomed Rey into her office where she discovered Dr. Dameron lounging in one of the leather chairs, glasses perched on the end of his nose as he reviewed a set of papers with scrutiny.

“Rey! Nice to see you,” He winked from his position across the room.

Fighting back the rush of blood to her face, she smiled, “Hope you had a nice Christmas, Dr. Dameron.”

“Not this shit again,” He rolled his eyes, but Dr. Holdo interjected before he could continue his usual comedy routine. 

“We are both so excited to have you this semester, Rey,” She smiled. “Now, I won’t lie and say being a TA is some sort of glamorous job. Most of what you’ll be expected to do is help with undergraduate grading, tutoring, and proctoring some exams. Occasionally, we may ask you to fill in for us for various lectures. Your schedule will probably vary but expect to spend at least 3 hours here Monday, Wednesday, and Thursdays, with the addition of some light weekend work.”

Her nerves reared up again and Dr. Holdo must have sensed her anxiety because she added in a gentle but firm tone, “Rey, there is _no one_ more qualified or capable for this position. Teaching is about learning on your feet. You’ll get the hang of it in no time, I promise. And remember, Dr. Dameron and I are here to help you along the way.”

Relieved to have found a mentor as empathetic and kind as Dr. Holdo, Rey nodded in appreciation. 

“Where would you like me to start?” She asked, smiling slightly.

“Well, let me show you to your office--don’t get too excited, it’s not much more than a broom closet, but hopefully you’ll find it suitable for the time being,” Dr. Holdo replied, gesturing for them to exit to the hall. “Poe, leave whatever papers you’d like Rey to take with her on my desk. And don’t forget you’re in my classroom at 10. The lab is being decontaminated for mold or something.”

“Starting off the semester strong!” Poe called to the two retreating women causing Dr. Holdo to chuckle. 

Leading Rey down the narrow hallway toward Dr. Dameron’s office, her mentor paused in front of a door Rey had never even noticed before. Entering a code onto the keypad, Dr. Holdo turned the handle and led the way into the small space. 

She hadn’t been lying about the cramped office. A desk furnished with a computer and printer had been pushed against the wall, leaving room for a few old metal filing cabinets and a sparse chair in the corner.

“Like I said, it’s not much,” Dr. Holdo began.

“It’s great,” Rey interjected, smiling around at the room-- _her_ office. 

“Well, I’m glad you feel that way,” the older woman smiled. “I’ll email you the entry code. Since it’s the beginning of the semester, there isn’t a lot to review, but I would like you to put together a new tutoring sheet for the updated MLA guidelines with the university house style.”

Excited to get started, Rey pulled her desk chair out and placed her belongings in an unoccupied corner. 

“Feel free to decorate a little,” Dr. Holdo said as she made her way back into the hall. “It’s pretty depressing in here. Oh, and I will send you Poe’s and my schedule for the semester. He’s two doors down if you need him. Come find me when you finish up.”

Rey watched her retreating form, her heart full of gratitude for this new beginning. She brought the computer to life and set about pulling up the necessary programs to begin her first assignment as a teaching assistant.

Two and a half hours later her neck was complaining and she felt in desperate need of a stretch. She stood, carefully sliding into the hallway, pulling her arm across her chest as she did so. Without warning, a hard collision knocked her flat to the floor. 

Looking up in agitation, she found a stunned Ben Solo looking down at her. 

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” She groaned, rubbing where her elbow throbbed from bearing the brunt of the fall. 

He stretched out a gloved hand and wrapped it around her uninjured arm to help her out of the floor. Oh, how much change a few weeks could make. Wishing she could ignore the flurry of butterflies in her stomach at seeing him so unexpectedly and so soon after their trip, she shot him what she felt to be an easy smile.

“Sorry, I was looking for Dameron. I guess that’s your new office?” He pointed into the room where she had just emerged from before plowing into him.

“Yep!” She grinned. “I’m moving on up in the world. It’s all very glamorous.”

He smirked, “Well, fame is a little overrated. Are you heading out for the day?”

Pausing for a moment to take in his appearance, composed of the usual black cloak and gloves, she studied his face, cataloging each freckle and tracing the pink chap marks on his lips with a newly formed hunger.

“I just need to check in with Dr. Holdo before I leave,” She replied, moving her eyes back to meet his gaze. “I have to be at the shop in half an hour.”

“Do you care if I walk with you?” He asked, his deep voice faltering only slightly at the end of his question before he clarified, “My caffeine levels have dipped to a critical low.”

Her heart leaped to her throat and she tried to remain calm and collected as she responded, “For the good of humanity, we can’t allow that. Give me five minutes to finish up and I can meet you downstairs?”

He nodded and they parted ways as he headed toward the stairwell at the opposite end of the hall from Dr. Holdo’s office. His smell lingered in his wake, fresh and clean, like the first breath after a rainstorm. A little dazed at the turn of events, Rey managed to get to Dr. Holdo’s office without running into anyone else.

“Dr. Holdo, I sent you an email with the tutor guide sheet. Do you need anything before I head out?” Rey asked with her head poked around the corner of her mentor’s office door. She tried to not mentally count how many minutes had passed since she promised Ben she would meet him in the lobby. 

Offering her a smile, the older woman shook her head, “Nothing else for today, Rey. Thanks for sending me the document. Dr. Dameron left some essays for you to review when you come in on Wednesday. Have a good afternoon.”

Rey muttered a hurried goodbye before rushing back to her new office to grab her backpack and staff. After slinging both over her shoulder she tried not to purposefully race down the stairs and through the door that exited into the lobby. Scarlet stained her cheeks from the haste of her journey from the fourth floor but she managed to even her breathing before approaching the spot where Ben stood, reading something on his phone.

“Top secret nuclear codes?” Rey asked, causing him to start slightly in surprise.

Tucking his phone back in his pocket with an eye roll, he responded, “You _do_ know what bioorganic research is, right?”

“Let’s go with… sure,” She smiled. 

“Right,” He said with extra sarcasm injected in the single syllable. “Anyway, it was nothing top secret. Just more graduate students starting the semester off with excuses, as usual.”

Sometimes Rey forgot that this was _Dr. Ben Solo_ , the professor who made grown people cry quite regularly. She shot him a sideways look and muttered, “You might try having a little empathy.”

He snorted, “You give an inch, they take a mile. Just wait, you’ll see. That bleeding heart will not suit you as a professor, even one in the humanities.”

“I’ll take my chances,” She responded, feeling her jaw set in a stubborn line. 

They made their way out of the building and the wave of cold caused a sharp shiver to run through her. Stupid dress. Hugging her coat closer to her body by crossing her arms over her torso, she looked up to find him studying her movement with vague amusement.

“The one _bloody_ time I try to look professional,” She lamented. “Serves me right.”

“I think you look nice,” He admitted with a tenderness that threatened to knock her harder than walking right into his chest ever could. “So at least if you freeze to death, that can be some consolidation to your loved ones.”

A loud laugh escaped her lips and she replied, “I suppose you’ll just leave me out here on the quad for some freshman biologist to experiment on, then?”

“Well, I _do_ study bioorganic matter, and as you know exactly what that is, you’ll know your body could go on to help further the scientific frontier,” He said easily, flashing a small smirk at her.

Rey sighed as they exited the main campus and waited to cross a bustling intersection, “Well, anything to get me out of my next round of drafting my prospectus and defending it.”

Turning to glance at his face, she noticed the end of his nose turning pink from the chill breeze that also jostled the ends of his long hair. She tried to not think about how much she liked his hair tousled by the wind.

“It wouldn’t be a Ph.D. if you weren’t dreading defending the prospectus,” Ben shrugged. “I’m happy to read it if you would like.”

Mortified at the thought, Rey let out a nervous chuckle, “Yeah, okay, and have you tear me apart? No, thanks.”

“Criticism is an inherent part of academia,” He responded with confusion coloring his expression.

“I’ve heard far too much about your critical style, I’m afraid,” She chuckled as they crossed the street at a brisk pace and turned up the block that would lead to the shop.

Pursing his lips, Ben seemed to take a long moment to think before he spoke, “You’re tougher than you think, Rey. You need to let go of feeling inadequate if you want to fulfill your full potential.”

She dropped her eyes to the ground, feeling embarrassed at his words and knowing that the sensation bordered on irrational. 

“I would never lie to you, Rey,” He said softly as they reached the door to the shop. “I have many faults, and I have been called many things, but I don’t lie.”

Forcing herself to meet his gaze, she nodded briefly in acknowledgment, “Thank you. I mean, it’s insane to think that,” she lowered her voice, “ _Kylo Ren_ would be telling me this, but I appreciate it.”

He gave one of his rare smiles at her words and gestured toward the door, “If you tell anyone I am capable of being nice--”

“Yeah, yeah,” Rey waved him off as they entered. “True crime podcast. Got it.”

Kaydel stood behind the counter looking bored out of her mind as they approached. Rey noticed with chagrin that her syrup bottles were in complete disarray again. 

“Thank god you’re here,” She exclaimed. “This has been the slowest shift I think I’ve ever worked and I used to help my second cousin take care of sloths.”

Ben shot Rey a glance as if to ask, _Is she serious?_ Rey tried to send one back that conveyed, _Unfortunately, yes._

“Have no fear, Rey is here to relieve you,” She grinned while slipping on her apron and moving behind the counter. “I even brought in a customer. Truly saving the day.”

Once again, with other people around, Ben had reverted back to appearing like a sour overgrown bat, which Rey struggled to understand. Why on earth should she be any different than Kaydel or Beau or anyone else?

“Hey, do you care to swing by my building on Thursday? I’ll meet you after my seminar at 1. I need to borrow your keys for the morning shift. Mine are in the mail. Left them at my mom’s… again,” Kaydel gushed in what sounded like a single breath while completely ignoring Ben. 

Rey smiled, “Sure thing. I’ll wait in the lobby.” She watched as Kaydel pulled off her apron and moved to the other side of the counter. “Have a good evening!”

They observed Kaydel’s blonde head disappear out the door and around the corner toward campus. Rey shook her head as she set about fixing the bottle setup and pulling a cup out from under the counter for Ben’s order. As the only two in the shop, she was grateful for the opportunity to take her time. 

“Are all your friends so…” Ben began but Rey cut him off.

“Insane?” She laughed before continuing, “No, Kaydel is very much her own person. She’s studying something to do with space… I think?” 

“Well, as you’re not great with any science discipline that isn’t used to make machines work, studying space as an explanation will have to suffice,” He teased as he watched her prep the espresso machine with practiced ease. 

Narrowing her eyes, she pointed an accusing finger at him after pressing the portafilter into place, “Just wait. One day you’ll need me to fix your dishwasher or something and I won’t do it.”

He raised an eyebrow and she admitted, “Okay, I probably _will_ , but I am gonna complain the whole time.”

Pouring his liquid heart attack into the to-go cup, she thought about her words, and how they sounded like this… whatever it was… would last for longer than a few short months, which did not seem like his intention. A subtle ache echoed in her chest at the prospect. 

“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” He said and that same tenderness from before entered his tone. She took the card he extended toward her with clumsy fingers, hoping he wouldn’t notice her nerves.

“So now that you’re taking in your rocket fuel, what will you do?” She asked, knowing she had no right to do so as she returned his card.

He placed his card back in his wallet and replied, “Well, I have a lab tonight, hence this _moderate_ intake of coffee. I will likely spend it trying to ensure no one kills anything in between reading some truly dismal lab reports.”

“Wow, you make academia sound so thrilling,” Rey mocked, propping her chin on her hands and giving him a winningly naive smile.

He took a gulp of espresso, “I do have a reputation to maintain, after all.” 

The door chimed, alerting them to someone entering their secluded moment, and as if he had suddenly remembered himself, Ben stood ramrod straight again and stiffly said, “Well, I better get back. See you around, Rey.”

Before she had time to wonder what _that_ was about, his large black outline had exited the shop. She was left to stare blankly as the door shut before focusing her effort on the patron in front of the bar. 

The next few days elapsed without any additional run-ins with Ben Solo and Rey told herself under no circumstances would she feel disappointed by his absence. She’d made it through 28 years of life without him, so what did a few days matter? Yet, each morning she found herself looking for him--in the shop and in the hallway leading to her office--and the letdown of seeing any face but his never dulled.

Thursday morning came and passed. She spent the better part of her time reading assignments sent in for review to the department’s tutoring email. Revising the papers of undergraduates did help boost her self confidence, though she remembered her first days of college and tried to leave the most encouraging feedback possible on each paper.

The walk to Kaydel’s building took around ten minutes from her own, so she set out at a quarter till 1 p.m. The brisk January air still clung to the trees in frozen crystals as she fixed on a quick pace across campus. She only met a few other students bustling through the path toward the science building. 

Entering the foreign lobby, Rey made her way toward a small lounge where Kaydel had texted her to meet earlier that morning. At least the endless rows of glass windows ensured warmth radiated throughout the ground floor. After a few moments, Rey discovered her friend, guzzling a Redbull, sitting at one of the tables clustered together at the far edge of the space.

“Hey,” Rey greeted, pulling the set of keys from her pocket and handing it to Kaydel.

“Have I told you how much I owe you for this?” Kaydel beamed as she kissed the key and tucked it into the front zipped pocket of her jacket.

“I just appreciate you taking my opening shift in the morning. I have _got_ to work on this prospectus tomorrow,” Rey smiled back. “Just leave the key with Finn, I’ll get it from him when I see him tomorrow night.”

“ _Bachelorette_?” Kaydel asked with a knowing look in her eyes. 

“He promised to feed me,” Rey shrugged. “Which is worth being his emotional support.”

Kaydel downed the rest of her drink and stood up, “I gotta get going, I promised my landlady I’d help with a possum issue she’s been dealing with since Christmas.”

Unfazed by Kaydel’s kooky stories, Rey nodded, “I’m just gonna hit the loo before I head home.”

In returning from Kaydel’s instructions to the “nice bathrooms with toilets that actually flush” on the second floor, Rey passed by a set of dark labs. Her mind instantly went to Ben Solo, wondering if he taught in those rooms. In fact, she must have been thinking a little too much about him because as she passed an open break room, her peripheral vision caught a glimpse of a dark-headed man bent over a table. 

The voice that came from the break room after she passed, though, unmistakably belonged to Ben Solo.

“Rey?” At the sound of her name, she turned with such haste that dizziness stirred at the edge of her vision. 

“I promise I’m not stalking you,” She asserted stupidly, just as someone who _was_ stalking him would say.

He let out a low chuckle, “I guess Kaydel told you the secret of the second-floor bathrooms.”

She had forgotten he’d been present when she agreed to meet Kaydel in this building, probably because his sullen demeanor had removed him from the conversation at the time. She noticed the white lab coat he wore and noted how the contrast with his inky hair added to his desirable appearance. The last time he had spoken to her ended so abruptly she felt the whiplash of his easy presence.

“On a break from making graduate students cry?” Rey smiled, leaning against the threshold of the door, forcing herself to not ask the other questions on her mind.

He stood and discarded the trash from his lunch, “I’m only human, after all.”

“I’ll be sure to tell that to the students I am forced to comfort at 6 a.m.” She smirked and shifted away from the door as he approached where she stood.

Making a noncommittal noise in return, his eyes swept across her features, “You look tired.”

“Gee, thanks,” She muttered, feeling her confidence take a hit. “Not all of us are accustomed to living on little to no sleep.”

Sensing he had caused some damage with his words, he offered a small smile and added, “And now you know why the triple espressos are required.”

Rolling her eyes, she found herself following him down the length of the hall leading to the staircase. He strolled at a slower than usual pace and her brain almost tricked her into believing _he_ didn’t want this moment to end, either.

“I will not be tempted to the dark side,” She replied with a wink. “No matter how much caffeine you offer me.”

As they neared the door to the staircase, he shrugged, “We’ll see what you’re saying after your first semester as TA.” 

They entered the stairwell and she traced the outline of his jaw in the fluorescent light, wondering why the universe kept throwing them together at random intervals. Perhaps his thoughts also lingered on the coincidence of their meeting again so soon as he stared down at her, an inscrutable expression on his face.

“I guess I’ll see you later, then?” Rey finally said. “Unless you’re going down--”

“No,” He said abruptly, startling her slightly. “I, uh, am heading to my office on the fifth floor. Have a good evening.”

“You, too,” Rey said faintly while watching him round the corner, the tail of his lab coat swishing around the handrail leading up the stairs.

She stayed rooted to the spot, mulling over the creeping sensation in her stomach. Surely feeling sorrow at parting from Ben Solo could not be a good sign for her mental state. _I’m just tired_ , she told herself stubbornly. _It’s making me more irrational_. A door opening above her brought her back to reality and she made her feet carry her back down the staircase to the lobby. 

With no hope of rest anytime soon, she exited the building and allowed the January air to clear her senses with the sharp freshness of winter numbing her ears and cheeks. Her mind replayed the interaction as she briskly traced the path to her apartment building. Each time she felt like she was beginning to understand Ben Solo, he pulled the rug out from under her, leaving her to wonder what his end goal in all of this could possibly be. Surely he wanted more than merely to appease his parents? Perhaps he wanted to prove something she couldn’t quite perceive yet. 

Shaking her head in an attempt to clear him from her psyche to tackle her prospectus draft, Rey entered her warm apartment. The usual whistling radiator in the corner of her living space greeted her as she placed her backpack and staff by the door.

Working until well after the sunset, Rey felt her eyes growing heavy from where she sat in front of her old laptop. The thick darkness of winter settled upon her windows and the clouds obscured any hope of seeing the moonlight. 

_I’ll just rest my eyes for a moment_ , she thought drowsily. 

The sound of a city garbage truck woke her as bright daylight streamed into her apartment. She stretched a sharp crick in her neck sending a radiating pain up to her temples. Groaning from the uncomfortable position she had rested in for the full night, she stood and tried to work the knot from her shoulder. 

Scrounging up breakfast, she sat back in front of the computer screen, resigned to doing another round of edits and fleshing out her introduction and conclusion sections with Dr. Holdo’s recommendations. 

As the afternoon faded into evening, Rey shut the laptop, rubbing her eyes to dispel the tiredness. She promised to be at Rose and Finn’s apartment in less than half an hour from the current time. Cheered at the thought of pizza and listening to Finn’s commentary on _The Bachelorette_ , she pulled on her boots and jacket with eager haste. 

Knocking on their apartment door, Rey realized with a start that she hadn’t thought of Ben Solo once that entire day. Perhaps she wasn’t going as insane as she thought. The door swung open to reveal Finn, half a piece of pizza clutched in his hand. 

“Hey, pumpkin,” Finn smiled, hugging her carefully so as not to coat her in pizza sauce. “You look tired.”

“Why is everyone telling me that lately?” She snapped back. “Maybe it’s because I _am_ tired.”

“Oh, dear,” Finn smiled, pulling her hand toward the kitchen as she tugged her jacket off. “I can tell you’re hangry. Have some pizza, we ordered way too much.”

Rose stood in the kitchen, loading her own plate, “They had a buy two get one free, Finn! Too good a deal to pass up.” 

The tempting aroma of warm cheese and fresh pizza crust instantly improved Rey’s mood and she loaded her plate before settling into her favorite recliner near the television, ready for an evening of not having to use her brain at all.

“You know she’s not going to send home that asshole who insulted her last week,” Rose was saying to Finn as they entered the small living room. “He’s too much drama.”

“And stupidly handsome,” Finn added sagely, plopping down on the sofa next to Rose.

A small vibration in her pocket distracted Rey from the current discourse happening between Finn and Rose. With some effort, she freed her phone from her back pocket and glanced down to see a text from a number with no name saved. Despite this lack of identification, she recognized it immediately and nearly dropped her pizza in astonishment.

_How goes the prospectus? The dark side must be looking better and better._

Without consciously recognizing her lips tug up at the edges, she smiled down at the text message with a knot of giddy energy forming in her stomach. 

_Balancing out hours of work with trash tv and pizza. No need for the dark side as of yet._

The three dots denoting his response popped up immediately and she waited in nervous excitement as his reply came through.

_Enjoy your evening. Just wanted to remind you that my offer still stands._

“Earth to Rey!” Rose’s giggle broke into her private moment and she looked around to find her best friend’s both smirking at her.

Tucking the phone next to her, she tried to put on as innocent an expression as possible, “I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

Finn gave her a skeptical look from his position across the room, “I guess that was Dr. Tall, Dark, and Gloomy?”

Managing to keep her tone neutral, Rey responded, “He was just offering to review my prospectus before my defense in a few weeks.”

Rose and Finn both stared at her before Rose recovered enough to ask, “And what on earth does he know about literature? I thought he did something with rats.”

She ended her statement with a shudder and Rey, remembering she promised not to divulge his secret, shrugged and simply replied, “I mean, he still reads a lot of academic writing. I don’t plan to take him up on it unless I’m desperate.”

Thankfully, the commercial break ended and she was spared from the conversation as Finn entered a rant about the elimination from the week before. Not interested in opening the conversation again, she tucked the phone away in her back pocket, Ben Solo’s face dancing on the edge of her consciousness.

She managed to return to her apartment before the evening had gotten late, grateful to have her shop keys back in her possession before her morning shift. Unfortunately, after completing her night routine and climbing into her soft bed, she struggled to drop off into sleep.

Retrieving her phone, she composed a message, breaking the promise she had made to herself to never text him unnecessarily. Then again, she seemed to be breaking a lot of rules lately.

_How go the lab reports? On your second or third espresso, yet?_

_I took the evening off to test your hypothesis._ He replied almost immediately. _No pizza or trash television, though._

She blinked at the message, trying to imagine him relaxing, but she stopped herself when that thought led her down a dangerous path.

 _So when do I receive my Nobel prize for science?_ She shot back quickly.

 _I had to endure Dameron singing karaoke._ His reply sent a giggle from her lips.

_Sounds like fun. Did you sing, too?_

She shifted in bed, tucking her arm under her pillow while she awaited his next message with a stifled yawn. 

_Thankfully for our fellow bar patrons, no._

Imagining Ben Solo on a karaoke stage, lit by a set of green and red lights refracted off a disco ball, conjured a wide grin to split across her face. 

_A pity. I’d like to see that someday_.

Her eyes were growing heavy again and she hit send on the message just before she found herself succumbing to the comfort of sleep.

The next afternoon as she gathered her desperately neglected pile of laundry, she caught sight of the battered spine of a red book on her bookcase. She plucked it off the shelf and brushed the light layer of dust that had accumulated during the last few years from the top edge. 

Her hands traced each letter on the cover, superimposed over an image of double moons at sunset, and the memories associated with the author’s name crashed down upon her. She took the book down to the basement, ready to revisit the epic story to distract her from the mundane task of waiting for her underwear to dry. 

“Oh god, isn’t that the book you once described in way too much detail to Rose and me when we first started hanging out?” Finn’s voice cut in the following day during the early morning lull to where Rey sat, nose stuck halfway through the thick book.

“Probably,” Rey shrugged. “I wanted to see how it holds up.”

That was only a _partial_ lie she told herself, turning back to the page she had looked up from to answer his question. Unfortunately, a tinkling of the doorbells let her know she would have to set aside her book and return to work.

“I’m telling you, man, you should consider it,” The warm tone of Dr. Dameron’s voice came from the end of the counter and as she looked up, she spotted that he was not alone.

Mortified at the thought of being caught reading _Knights of Ren_ by its very author, she shoved the book under the counter where neither of the men would notice. Brushing a few loose strands of hair from her face she lifted her eyes to find Ben Solo staring down at her. 

“Hi,” She said softly, still reeling from seeing him in her shop, and even whilst her friends were present.

“Hi,” He replied, giving her a small smile. “How’s the prospectus?”

Rolling her eyes and pulling down the to-go cups to make each of their usual drink orders, Rey sighed, “Terrible, as usual.”

“Right of Passage,” Dr. Dameron grinned over to her. “By the way, thanks for your feedback on those essays this week. You’re way more competent than our last TA.”

“That’s because your last TA was too busy fawning over you to actually get any work done,” Ben shot back at his friend.

Rey, as was usual, took a moment to study Ben from her position behind the espresso machine. She wondered briefly if he had recently trimmed his hair and observed the stubble lining his jaw and upper lip. He looked more relaxed than usual, which she supposed was normal given it was Saturday, after all.

“Finn, how’s your capstone going?” Dr. Dameron asked, looking back to where Finn stood, pretending to take stock of the baked goods in the display case. Rey knew his real goal revolved around eavesdropping on their conversation. 

Taking that as his cue to join the group, he moved toward them. Rey found herself inwardly hoping Ben Solo might not revert to his cold and gloomy disposition as he so often did around those he did not know.

“Honestly, I’ve resigned myself to never actually graduating at this rate,” Finn responded in chagrin. He then shifted his focus to Ben and stuck out his hand. “I’m Finn, by the way. Nice to finally meet you.”

After an awkward pause, Ben took the outstretched hand in his, “Rey has, of course, told me a lot about you.”

Knowing she hadn’t _actually_ told him much about Finn, she appreciated his effort at cordiality at the very least. Finn, for his part, seemed to be sizing up the man across the counter from him as Rey finished making each drink and moved to the register. 

“One liquid heart attack,” She handed the cup to Ben and felt his fingertips brush over her own lightly. The effect of feeling the warmth of his hand on hers again left a swooping sensation in her stomach. He pulled back from her quickly, offering his card in an awkward gesture, seemingly aware of the eyes watching them.

“And one regular latte,” She smiled, handing Dr. Dameron his cup as she processed Ben’s payment and returned his card.

Dr. Dameron chuckled as he handed over a five-dollar bill and she retrieved his change from the drawer, “You two are good for each other.”

Ben and Rey awkwardly avoided eye contact at his words, aware of the precarious nature of their subterfuge. Finn, however, decided that would be the perfect moment to say, “Yes, it’s nice to have someone else understand all that Rose and I have put up with during the last year. The _Lord of the Rings_ marathons, the intense discussions, mostly with herself, about whether or not Kylo Ren is a woman or a man--”

Rey purposefully stepped on his foot, hoping to do so subtly enough that neither of the other men would notice. Unfortunately, she saw Poe shoot Ben a smirk from behind his to-go cup and she wanted to knock Finn down with her staff for bringing up Kylo Ren. Perhaps it had been her fault--she _had_ brought the book work, after all. 

“And what did you decide,” Poe asked, which earned him a not-so-subtle elbow to the side from Ben.

Totally oblivious to the joke, Finn continued, “Well, Rey insists Kylo can only be a man because of the… what was your exact phrase, pumpkin?”

She was officially going to kill Finn after her boss and her… whatever Ben was… left. 

“Because of the Byronic nature of the antihero,” Rey muttered, half-hoping they couldn’t hear the embarrassment in her tone. 

Once again Rey found herself saved by the entry of a group of undergraduates looking for a place to warm up with cheap coffee and free WiFi. She handed Poe back the change from his order and collected herself to smile at them.

“I was always more a fan of Keats, myself,” Poe winked as he moved to head back toward the exit. “I guess I’m just a hopeless romantic.”

“Foolish sap might be more apt,” Ben replied coolly. “See you later.”

By the time they had left the shop, the group of undergraduates had begun hurling drink orders at Rey, so she didn’t have the opportunity to watch Ben turn and retreat back down the sidewalk toward campus.

As she lay in bed that evening, after somehow managing _not_ to kill Finn, her phone vibrated and she looked down to see one word reflected back up at her.

_Pumpkin?_

Cringing internally, Rey cursed her best friend for what felt like the hundredth time that day. 

_Because I tend to fall asleep practically the moment it turns past 10 p.m., no matter where I might be…_

His response came swiftly, _I seem to recall bearing witness to such an event._ After a few moments, he sent another message, _Do you have a history with him?_

Blinking in surprise, Rey quickly replied, _Not that it’s really any of your business but Finn is like my brother. Plus he’s gayer than_ _a treeful of monkeys_ _on nitrous oxide._

Honestly, she didn’t know how anyone could meet Finn and his presence _not_ send their gaydar beeping off the charts, but then again, Ben Solo might be some type of advanced droid sent to colonize the earth for an alien race. 

His response came in five minutes later. _He seems very protective of you._

Surely her brain, once again, tried to fool her into thinking the undercurrent of his message held a hint of jealousy. For that to be true… Well, she chose not to linger on that particular impossibility and instead wrote back, _That’s what friends are for._

She fell asleep waiting for a response that never came.

Most of the next week wore on in a dull and repetitive fashion. Between her TA work picking up as the first assignments for the semester rolled in and trying to balance shifts at the shop with completing her defense proposal, Rey hardly had a moment to herself. She preferred to be busy, anyway, as it served as a distraction from her arrangement with Ben Solo.

Spending most of the following Thursday in the university library after completing another set of mind-numbing essay reviews for Dr. Dameron allowed her an opportunity to herself. She relished in getting lost in the research for her proposal, enjoying the luxury of booking one of the solo study pods to make annotations in peace. 

Peace, however, proved rather brittle when she looked up from her table and out of the glass walls surrounding her pod to see _Ben Solo_ of all people, perusing a shelf a few aisles away from where she sat.

Torn between wanting to be sucked into the floor never to be seen by his eyes again and waving until he noticed her doing so, she settled on trying not to stare at him while she organized her notes in a more coherent pile of thoughts.

Unfortunately, during one of her attempts to sneak a glimpse at him, he turned and caught full sight of her peering over the top of her laptop at him. Knowing she probably resembled a deer in the headlights, she raised a hand to give a little wave. Ben’s face split into one of his signature small smiles, and he raised a hand to return her wave. Why did her heart insist on beating out of rhythm at a time like this?

He seemed to form the resolution to come and speak with her because she watched as he pulled the book he had been examining from the shelf and moved toward her glass bubble. 

“Impressive organizational approach,” He smirked in place of a greeting as he lingered at the entryway to the small study space. 

Rey, feeling both frazzled and unmoored, took in the chaotic desk in front of her and offered a sheepish grin, “Well, I was less likely to fall asleep here than at home on my sofa.”

“Yes, it probably would be embarrassing to drool on your books where everyone can see,” He answered comfortably. 

“And risk the wrath of the librarian staff? Never,” Rey said. “What brings you here?”

For some reason, an expression of discomfort flashed across his features before he managed to revert to his calm disposition. He raised the book in his hand for her to see. The cover revealed the title of a bestseller from the previous year.

“Dameron won’t shut up about it,” Ben shrugged. “I’ve been looking for something to read since you won’t send me your prospectus.”

Shaking her head ruefully, Rey responded, “You’ll survive, somehow.”

Taking a look around the room, he asked, “Would you like to take a break? We could get something to eat.”

Scrutinizing his expression, she thought she saw a flicker of doubt flare up in his dark eyes. Smiling with a calmness she certainly did not feel under the surface, she gave him a quick nod.

“Sure, but you’re paying because I know you’re rich,” She smirked as he shot her an eye roll. “Let me pack this up.”

She tucked all her notes and laptop quickly in her bag before collecting all the scattered books to return to the central desk on her way out of the library. He observed her with his usual neutral inclination and she vaguely wondered if she had even remembered to brush her hair that morning.

Plopping a pile of books in his arms, she grinned, “Make yourself useful.”

“Quite rude to speak to the person offering you food in such a manner,” He responded, staring down at the collection now in his arms.

As they strolled out of the study area and back into the central area of the library, Rey felt the eyes of many passing students and staff follow their path. She supposed Ben did have a reputation on campus so seeing him _helping_ a student might startle some of the others congregated nearby.

He leaned over to drop off her books and check out the one he had plucked from the shelf for himself. Once again, he reverted to a more sullen version of himself while interacting with the librarian.

“Why do you do that?” Rey asked once they managed to leave the warm comfort of the building. “Turn into a big gloomy bat around other people, I mean.”

His eyebrows constricted slightly and he responded curtly, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes, you do,” She laughed. “You get all emo. I’ve noticed it before. You don’t do it around me, though.”

Choosing not to meet her gaze, he pressed the button for the crosswalk and said, “You’re different.”

Her heart started beating like a conga drum once again at his words and she hid her flush under the pretense of checking the traffic light before leading the way across the intersection. The traffic this late in the afternoon represented the early part of rush hour. She listened to the sounds of horns in the distance, not sure what to say back to his declaration.

“You can’t fool me,” She said finally, summoning the courage to glance up at him. “I know you’re actually pretty nice under all that bluff.”

He offered her an exasperated look, “Guess my secret is out.”

As she took in their surroundings, she realized he had been leading her to one of her favorite pizza places off-campus. The little hole-in-the-wall shop offered little more than a counter to order from and two tiny tables crunched against the wide street-facing window.

“Pizza?” She smiled. 

“You _did_ say that pizza was part of the balance keeping you from the dark side,” He replied simply. “I draw the line at trash television, though.”

Approaching the counter, Rey felt a warmth unrelated to the heat lamps in the restaurant radiate through her entire body. After requesting several slices of pepperoni and a can of ginger ale, she turned to listen to Ben place his own order. She grabbed one of the empty tables and placed her order and backpack down as he paid.

“Thanks for this,” Rey managed after she swallowed her first bite. “I needed a break.”

Transfixed on seeing _Ben Solo_ eat a piece of pizza, she took in his nod of acknowledgment.

“It’ll get easier,” He responded after a moment. “Who’s your chair? Holdo?”

She nodded halfway through another bite and he continued, “She will get you through. Defending your prospectus is often more difficult than the actual writing part of the dissertation.”

“It’s just… hard,” She muttered truthfully. “I had no idea how to do any of this before I came to grad school, and I feel like I’m stumbling through the entire process.”

She didn’t want to look at him just then and expose the terrible vulnerability in her eyes. Instead, she felt him place a warm hand on her wrist. Snapping her eyes to meet his gaze, he offered her a rueful smile. 

“Rey,” He chuckled. “ _Everyone_ stumbles through the process and most don’t have near as good a topic as you do.”

She focused on the sensation of his rough fingertips still laid across her wrist. Unbidden, the thought of how easy it would be to turn her hand and lace their fingers together entered her mind. Almost as if he sensed her idea, he retracted his hand to lift his slice of pizza back to his lips.

“You’re a good friend, Ben,” She said softly. 

In raising his eyes to her face, he revealed the surprise in his usually calm demeanor. She continued to eat her pizza, though, as if nothing major had occurred with her last statement. 

“Can I have the peppers you keep picking off?” She asked, breaking the moment. He pushed the plate of discarded banana peppers toward her.

The light filtering through the window framed his face, revealing the brown highlights in his dark hair, and she even spied a grey strand growing from near his right temple. Sitting here, watching this strange and beautiful man eat pizza, Rey felt more content than she had in some time. Vaguely, the danger alarms in the back of her mind tried to kick into high gear, but she ignored them as she added the peppers to her slice. 

“Have any fun weekend plans?” She inquired, which earned her a sigh.

“Reading more terrible lab reports and trying not to kill myself because of that,” He shrugged, finishing his last slice of pizza and collecting all the trash from the table in one pile.

She nodded, knowing she had eaten far too much and suppressed a burp with Herculean effort.

“Why’d you go into teaching?” She asked, finally voicing a question that had plagued her for some time. 

He thought about his answer for a long moment before responding, “Because, despite all the idiocy I have to wade through, watching students grow and develop their capacity for learning is almost addicting.” 

His answer surprised her but before she could say as much he posited the same question back to her.

“I want to be what Holdo was to me to someone else,” She shrugged. “I want to help cultivate and encourage students to their fullest potential.”

He smirked and stood to dispose of their trash, “That bleeding heart strikes again.”

Retrieving her belongings, she offered him a smile, “Careful, I think you might be projecting.”

Scoffing at the sentiment, he led the way out of the small pizzeria, and looking to her he asked, “Where are you off to now?”

Rey stretched her arms and yawned, “Home, it’s about 20 minutes from here.”

He frowned, looking up to the sky, which had grown dark and grey during their time eating, “I could drive you if you’d like?”

“No!” She responded, perhaps too abruptly, and so she added, “I like to walk. It’s… good for clearing my head.”

Nodding his acceptance he said, “Fair enough. Be careful getting home.”

They had reached the parting of directions and mastering her nerves, she stepped forward and hugged him deliberately. His arms instantly rose to encircle her, as if in reflex. For a moment, she just existed alone with Ben Solo--not a care in the world. His solid chest broke the chill wind from reaching her cheeks and she inhaled that fresh scent she had come to associate with him.

“See you later,” She said as she pulled away. Before she could do something more drastic, she turned quickly and walked at a brisk pace back toward her apartment. 

After she managed to get home, she heard her phone vibrate and in unlocking her screen she found a message from him, _Mind clear?_

Knowing her mind was nowhere even remotely near clear, she deflected by responding, _Had to focus too much on not being kidnapped and assassinated on the mean city streets._

The three dots appeared before his next message came through. 

_Good. I would hate to have to pay a ransom to get you back._

Deciding she needed to put her phone away lest her heart convince her to write something she couldn’t take back, Rey set about her nightly routine. The hug played over and over in her head as she climbed into bed. 

The danger felt closer than ever.

February seemed to be approaching at lightspeed by the following Wednesday, as Rey spent her morning helping a few master’s students in reviewing assignments for Dr. Dameron. She enjoyed editing other people’s work as doing so offered the same rush as fixing a broken piece of machinery. 

However, working on someone else’s paper caused her to return to fretting about her own upcoming defense. While she certainly believed she knew her prospectus back and forward, as well as knowing her capability in articulating _why_ her topic merited an entire dissertation, some self-doubt still lingered in the back of her mind like a storm cloud.

“Hey, Rey!” Poe’s friendly greeting came from her office door. 

She glanced up from her work with a smile, “Good morning, Dr. Dameron.”

Offering an exasperated sigh he chided, “One day, you _will_ call me Poe.”

“Sure, sure,” She laughed. “I just finished helping Jannah and Aayla with their research essays.”

“They’re two of my best this semester,” he said as he leaned into her door frame. After a beat, he added, “Do you know anyone who might be interested in dog sitting? My corgi, BB-8, has mega separation anxiety and I have to leave for a conference next week.”

As if she could see the stars aligning in the galaxy, she mentally thought to herself, _Finn is gonna owe me for a whole decade._

“Actually, my friend Finn, you know… from the shop?” A stupid question since Dr. Dameron had spoken to Finn on _multiple_ occasions. “He loves corgis, and I’m sure you could pay him, in like, pizza or something.”

Poe chuckled, “That’s awesome. Can you text me his number? It’d be great if he could. BB-8 bit Ben _once_ and he refuses to dog sit now… Speaking of, did he find you last week?”

“Who?” Rey asked in confusion, still busy forwarding Finn’s contact information to him.

“Ben. He was looking for you last Thursday,” Poe shrugged. “I told him I thought you went to the library.”

As if a bucket of ice had been emptied over her head, Rey snapped her head to look at Poe. She felt thunderstruck. If the library hadn’t been some random coincidence, then what could it all possibly mean?

“I gotta say, and this is as a friend and not a boss since your shift technically ended two minutes ago,” He grinned. “You’ve been so good for Ben. I’ve never, ever seen him this happy, and I’ve known him a long ass time. It’s great to see him writing again.”

Rey’s mind whirled at this revelation, trying to reconcile Poe’s with those words she had once heard Ben utter about her. 

_“She is not remotely interesting enough to tempt me, even in a platonic sense -- though she does have nice eyes, I suppose.”_

“Shit, I wasn’t supposed to tell you about the writing thing,” Poe groaned. “I only know because I caught him in the act a few weeks ago. Anyway, I don’t know how you do it, but you get him better than anyone else ever has. I’m glad he has you.”

He seemed wholly oblivious to how close to a panic attack Rey felt as he rapted his knuckles on the frame and said, “Thanks again for Finn’s number. I’ll be in touch! See you later.’

“Bye,” She said weakly, the room still threatening to spin upside down on her.

She clutched her chair armrests for support. Stumbling to identify what exactly was causing this irrational spiral of emotion, she caught sight of her reflection in the dark computer monitor. She looked the same as ever--three buns, bare face, her hazel eyes wide with adrenaline. 

Hope. 

Everything slid into place. She realized with a painful vulnerability that she felt _hope_ blossoming after not allowing herself to feel it for weeks and weeks. Poe’s words had smashed the remaining feeble levees protecting her and all the emotions she had held back for so long crashed down. 

Well, there was only one way to actually confirm her theory. She resolved to discover the truth of their arrangement as soon as she could.

Luckily, she had an opening shift on Friday, which meant she could leave around noon. After she clocked out, she worked to create his signature drink to carry to his office. Her plan was fairly straight forward as she made her way to where she thought he might be... the fifth floor of the science building. She had settled on stepping outside of her comfort zone and meeting him on _his_ territory. 

Trying to contain her giddiness as she followed the well-worn path to campus, she focused on the heat of the to-go cup keeping her hands warm as a distraction. After what felt like both eternity and half a minute, she was climbing the stairs in his building. The butterflies in her throat threatened to suffocate her as she located the hallway directory. She traced down the list until she located his name:

_BEN SOLO………….2187_

Stumbling in the right direction, she spied the door to his office ajar from its position near the very end of the hall. The wide windows along the hallway let the sun illuminate her path and threw the threshold of his office into shadow.

She came to the entrance and had started to say something when her words died in her throat.

Rather than Ben Solo, she found perhaps the tallest woman she had ever seen lounging on a couch across from his desk. Her short platinum hair had been pinned back in a retro style and she sat with a confident ease that disquieted Rey.

The wide office was well lit with natural daylight and if the circumstances had been different, Rey might’ve laughed at the idea that a vampire could ever comfortably occupy this space. 

“Oh, hello there,” The strange woman said to Rey from behind the magazine she had been reading. 

“Uh, I was looking for Dr. Solo,” Rey replied awkwardly, cringing internally at how stupid it had been to turn up here with no warning.

“Ben? He stepped out to grab us some lunch,” The smile she returned to Rey appeared as more of a smirk. “Are you a student of his?"

Rey shook her head, "No I'm a... friend," she finished lamely. "Can you let him know Rey stopped by?"

The woman opposite her narrowed her eyes in a catlike motion as if she was readying to pounce. "So, you're Rey. Ben _did_ mention you briefly. I’m Gwen Phasma, Ben’s agent but, of course, that’s not _all_.”

Suddenly struck with a dizzying sickness, Rey tried to make anything the woman across the room from her was saying. 

“It is nice that Ben’s had you to… _distract_ him these last few weeks while I was out of town,” Gwen carried on as if she had no idea that each word struck Rey with a new cut. “I’m glad to know he’s made such a good _friend_.”

“Yeah,” Rey replied lamely. She felt herself shutting down to avoid crying in front of a stranger. 

“Of course, now that he’s working on that project he’s owed me five years, I expect we will be traveling quite a lot,” She offered Rey the shadow of a pitying smile. “Don’t take it _too_ hard if you lose touch. I know it can be hard when you’re… well no one of importance and he’s… well, let's just say more than some professor at a public university.”

Knowing she couldn’t stand this taunting for a second longer, Rey slammed the coffee cup on the bookshelf nearest to her and turned to flee from the conversation and the pain of letting Ben Solo into her life. 

She walked numbly back down the stairs and into the sunny afternoon, feeling as though she would crumble and turn to dust at any moment. Allowing her feet to carry her home, she didn’t even notice the tears streaming down her cheeks until she couldn’t see the sidewalk in front of her. Anger swelled in her chest at the idea that she had allowed herself to believe for a single second that Ben Solo had actually cared for her. He had been using her as a means to an end--the truth revealed itself in such a simple fashion and a fresh wave of tears crashed down her cheeks.

Entering her home, she discarded her backpack and coat before retrieved her cellphone, and through tears, she composed a message.

_Unfortunately, I’m not going to be able to come to your parents’ gala. The last few weeks have demonstrated that I have a lot on my plate, and I don’t think this arrangement is helping. Please don’t try and contact me again--I won’t respond._

After she hit send she scrolled to his contact number and hit the red **block** option to ensure she would avoid any temptations. Then she crawled into bed and allowed the black depression to fully take over in the form of body-wracking sobs. She imagined him with Gwen, refined and regal, a better match than she could have ever offered.

With a bitterness that extended into her bones, Rey wished she had heeded every danger sign her body had sent her since she met Ben Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise we will get a happy resolution! 
> 
> Also, if anyone is interested in my Spotify Reylo playlist that I used in writing this fic, here's the link: https://open.spotify.com/user/1228878467/playlist/5M9bURJ07FDxuCK2lkXAUd


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Understanding cascaded down upon Rey. No one had ever fought for Ben Solo. Not his uncle. Not his family. And she realized, not even herself. Reaching out to place her palm over his left hand, she gripped his fingers tightly.
> 
> “You deserved better,” She said gently. “But your worth never depended on them.”
> 
> He did not remove his fingers from underneath hers, “My pride got in the way.”
> 
> Returning to her plate, she nodded, “Well, I think we’re all guilty of that from time to time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for taking this journey with me! I hope you find this conclusion satisfying. I could've dragged it out but it felt more natural to do it the way presented here. Let me know what you think in the comments! :) I hope 2021 is a better year for all of us.

* * *

_ “ _ _ I once believed love would be black and white -- but it's golden.  
_ _ I once believed love would be burnin' red,  
_ _ but it's golden -- like daylight.” _

* * *

February came and passed in a blurry grey haze. Rey successfully defended her dissertation proposal and celebrated with her friends. The joy of passing that first major milestone in her final journey toward graduation gave her a fleeting mood boost. Yet, after a week or so, moving through life returned to requiring every ounce of strength she possessed to appear normal to her friends before going home and collapsing. Through a flurry of days spent holding two part-time jobs while beginning her dissertation process, Rey pretended she was getting better.

In reality, the shreds of her heart remained as broken as ever, crushed under the careless boot of a man who led her on for his own ends. Luke Skywalker had been right, after all. 

_ “ _ _ He is… volatile. He hurts those who love him with little remorse afterward.” _

Only with a deep pain could Rey acknowledge the truth in his words, usually late at night when she couldn’t sleep, resigned to staring at her ceiling and missing the open night sky.

Finn and Poe’s relationship constituted perhaps the strangest thing to come from the last month. On one hand, she found it horrifying to think of her boss and best friend  _ sleeping together _ even if they were both enthusiastically consenting adults. On the other, that connection ended up being useful when she admitted to Finn and Rose that things had dissolved between her and Ben.

“ _ Dissolved _ ?” Finn asked with incredulity. “What are you? A packet of Alka seltzer?” 

Feigning an easy disposition, Rey shrugged, “I told you guys it was never that serious.”

Rose, for her part, said nothing but she kept her eyes trained on Rey’s face. She likely saw more than Finn did—something hid deep in a part of Rey’s heart that she wanted to bury forever and never let into the light of day again.

“Do you care to tell Dr. Dameron?” Rey asked in what she hoped came off as a nonchalant manner. “It just feels awkward to tell my boss, y’know?”

Finn had, of course, agreed to do so. While his interceding on her behalf hadn’t fully kept Poe from attempting to discuss the fallout, she simply changed the subject each time he tried to bring up his friend. 

And no matter how many times she told herself that the last month of her life should not wreck the small happiness she finally managed to carve out for herself, she could not ignore the aching emptiness that always found her in the late hours of nightfall.

Sometimes, when she worked at the shop or strolled in the park, she thought she caught a glimpse of his familiar onyx hair. Upon closer inspection, she always found her mind had simply been playing cruel tricks on her. Nevertheless, she dreaded seeing him again, but as she had never encountered him for most of her life since moving to the city, she hoped she could continue dodging him, perhaps for the rest of her academic career. 

Rose and Finn never said his name and neither did she. To name him would be to give him that terrible power over her and she could not allow that to happen again. 

Each day and night she survived through without him should have been proof--this pain would not kill her. And yet, despite having more friends than ever, the loneliness encircled her and constricted tighter and tighter. 

“Rey?” Rose’s gentle voice came from behind where she stood, mop in hand, in the back corner of the kitchen near the end of the day. After a full day of keeping herself together, she had snuck away from the front of the shop under the pretense of tidying up. 

Trying to reign in the tears that appeared out of nowhere as she had been cleaning, Rey turned toward her friend and attempted a winning smile. 

“Oh honey,” Rose said, pulling the mop from her hand and tugging her into a firm hug. “I knew it was  _ bad _ but not this bad.”

All of the last month of pretending fell away and Rey allowed herself to cry into Rose’s shoulder. She let the heaving sobs shake them both as Rose rubbed her back in a loving manner. Somehow the calming words Rose spoke into her ear just made her cry harder.

“Please don’t tell Finn,” Rey mumbled sometime later, as she dabbed her eyes with a tissue Rose handed her.

“Okay, honey,” Rose nodded. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

And with nothing left to lose, Rey told her everything. She told her about the arrangement. About the party and the kiss and choosing to run toward danger. She told her about his family and the different portraits they each painted of Ben. She told her about the late-night messages. She told her about the library and pizza and hugs in the cold January air. She told her about  _ Gwen _ and the cutting cruelty of being told she was  _ nothing _ compared to Dr. Ben Solo. She even told her about Kylo Ren, trying to swallow the tears as they threatened to obscure her vision once more.

“Jesus Christ,” Rose exhaled after Rey finished speaking. “What an absolute  _ bastard.  _ I don’t understand how anyone could be so- so- so  _ cruel! _ ”

Rey hiccupped, “I don’t know what to think anymore, Rose. He was so… kind… to me but I think deep down I knew it was all becoming too good to be true.”

Huffing in response, Rose added, “Rey. He led you on, and I know you can’t see it right now, but he will  _ never  _ deserve someone as good and loving as you. Your heart wanted to believe he wasn’t just a bitter asshole but I promise, this is  _ on him _ .”

The vehemence in Rose’s tone took Rey by surprise for a moment. She ultimately nodded before she admitted, “I just don’t know how to… move on.”

Rose went back to rubbing her arm and gave her a compassionate smile, “Time, honey. It will just take time.”

.:.

_ INTERLUDE _

The start of spring break in March offered an opportunity for Poe Dameron to catch up on his much-neglected pile of grading for the semester. Having Rey around to lessen the load had proven a blessing but his doctoral students still required more attention than usual. Of course, starting a new relationship didn’t  _ help _ combat procrastination but time with Finn was worth the trade-off of any last-minute work piling up. 

His thoughts strayed to Finn then and thinking of his easy smile and dramatic personality caused a smirk to spread across Poe’s face involuntarily. He really shouldn’t be involved with someone 12 years his junior but the heart wants what it wants. When Finn agreed to dogsitting, the chance to interact outside of the shop and others’ eyes allowed an organic infatuation to grow into something intense and mutual. 

Another benefit of spring break meant hunting down Ben Solo, who had been studiously avoiding his friend for the last month. While he only had patchy information from Finn, everything pointed to Ben fucking things up  _ again _ . Rey, though she obviously thought she could fool everyone, spent most of her time being quiet and withdrawn. If  _ she _ was handling whatever had transpired so poorly, he couldn’t imagine the state Ben must be in as he had isolated himself from the world.

Poe sent Ben a message feigning that he would be out of town for most of the break. While subterfuge might not be the classiest option, hopefully, Ben would take the bait and Poe could manage to corner him either on campus or at his condo.

Checking his wristwatch, Poe decided perhaps his work could wait--Ben would likely be in his office by the time he could reach the science building. Grabbing his jacket from his desk chair, Poe set his course with determination. He was many things, and stubborn probably came in high on that list, which would be extremely beneficial, much to Ben’s likely chagrin.

He hit the fifth-floor corridor in record time. By the time his feet had carried him halfway down the hall, he could tell Ben’s door stood ajar.  _ Success _ . Strolling casually, he began to whistle softly, certain if his friend could hear him, he’d know immediately who currently shuffled closer and closer to his office.

Sure enough, Poe peered around the threshold with a grin and found Ben looking as if he had just swallowed a lemon.

“Hey, buddy,” Poe smiled easily. “You know, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were avoiding me.”

“Poe, I thought you were going out of town this week,” Ben answered, voice laden with sarcasm. 

“Well, maybe I lied,” Poe shrugged. 

Ben pulled the glasses from his face and pinched the bridge of his long nose in exasperation. Taking in his friend’s disposition, Poe noticed that Ben, just as he feared, looked like total shit. His eyes bore heavy bags and his skin appeared paler than ever.

“I gotta say,” Poe sighed as he moved into the room. “I am happy to see that you look just as bad as Rey.”

“Do not,” Ben seethed. “Do not say  _ her _ name in my presence.”

Poe stopped in his tracks and stared at his friend, “Well, you did break her heart, bud. You gotta face that at some point.”

“ _ What _ ?” Ben spat back with malice. “She ended things with  _ me _ .” 

Taking a seat on the soft leather couch across from Ben’s desk, Poe scrunched his eyebrows trying to make everything line up in a pattern that made sense. Ben’s shoulders slumped over his desk and Poe, who had seen this man at many low points in the past, couldn’t recall seeing him  _ this _ defeated ever before. 

“What changed?” Poe asked, his professorial manner taking over. “Something  _ obviously _ changed. That girl was head over heels for you. Finn told me he and Rose were worried that she was in a little  _ too _ deep.”

“Finn?” Ben shot back with incredulity.

“Oh, right,” Poe retorted. “You haven’t been around lately because you’re a shitty friend. Finn and I are official. It’s on Facebook and everything.”

Ben scoffed, “Who uses Facebook anymore?”

“You’re not going to distract me from getting to the bottom of this, Ben,” Poe warned. “As I see it, you’re both totally fucking miserable for no reason. Time to come clean and tell me what the hell is going on.”

Sighing, Ben leaned back in his chair and evaluated his friend for a long moment. When he began speaking, Poe let him talk uninterrupted for nearly half an hour. Ben admitted to the fake dating scheme; to falling for Rey without meaning to; to not knowing how to say goodbye to her but not expressing his true feelings; to working his way up to asking her on a real date. 

“Everything was going according to plan,” Ben muttered. “Then  _ Phasma _ showed up.”

Poe’s jaw dropped open, “What?! For Christ’s sake, I thought you two ended things  _ years _ ago.”

Ben shot a guilty expression to his friend, “We did. I contacted her in January.”

“Why the fuck would you do that?!” Poe nearly shouted. 

“Because I wanted to buy the rights to my book back from the First Order. Signing on with them was my first of many mistakes,” He rubbed his eyes with despair. “She showed up in my office, and Rey must’ve seen her because I found a coffee cup on my bookcase when I returned from getting lunch.”

“Jesus Christ, dude,” Poe whistled. “What a mess.”

Ben nodded, “Gwen wouldn’t tell me what happened other than Rey stopping by. The next thing I know, I receive a text from Rey telling me not to contact her anymore. Of course, I was pissed that Gwen showed up at my job when an email would have sufficed.”

Taking all of this new information in, Poe reclined back on the couch and hummed to himself, lining up the course of events from both perspectives. He studied Ben with a wary irritation at how much of an idiot his oldest friend could be.

“And why didn’t you try to set things straight?” Poe asked, fixing Ben with a hard stare.

Scoffing, Ben stood to pace around his office in agitation, “She told me not to contact her, Poe. What was I supposed to do?”

“No offense,” Poe started. “No, actually,  _ full _ offense… you’re a fucking idiot, dude.”

If looks could kill, the subsequent glare Ben shot at his friend would’ve put him six feet under in a matter of seconds. 

“When you find a girl as great as Rey, you fight like hell for her.” Poe continued, standing to face his friend. “ _ Especially _ when she was willing to let your stupid commitment-phobic ass string her along!” 

Ben raised his voice in response, “And you would know  _ so  _ much about committing.” 

“Hell, I know that when you find someone that makes you feel the way she did, whatever pain may await is worth it, dude!” Poe shouted back. “You don’t think this shit with Finn freaks me out  _ every single day _ ? That I don’t worry one day he will wake up and realize I’m too old for him? Too boring? Too stubborn? But he makes me happy  _ now _ , so I’m willing to risk it.”

The fight seemed to fade out of Ben as fast as his anger had come into his eyes and he sagged again in misery. 

“What am I supposed to do?” He asked, his dark eyes lost in pain as he turned them to his friend. “How do I make this better?”

Poe thought for a long moment, “You need to make yourself worthy of someone like Rey. That won’t happen without winning her friendship back. You might want to start there.”

As he nodded, Ben added, “You’re a good friend, Dameron.”

“Yeah, well,” Poe responded, “I’m really fucking tired of seeing a student as bright as Rey so defeated. You’ve been enormously stupid but I still think you could be good for each other. But no more leading her on, okay? When the time comes, you better open that big old soft heart you have to her, no matter how afraid you feel.”

Ben had returned to his seat and muttered, “Fucking bleeding hearts.”

“And proud of it,” Poe smirked. “Now come with me. Let’s get some lunch and strategize for Operation Win Rey Back.”

.:.

Rey enjoyed the weather of mid-March, relishing in the first semi-warm days since the previous fall. Rose had been right, as more time passed, she found herself coming to peace with the rollercoaster of December and January. While the memories of Ben Solo still cut her, the wounds healed over quicker than they had even a month before. 

For the first time in weeks, she had an entire day off ahead of her. She planned to enjoy every moment of her treasured free time, beginning with a walk around the park to usher in the start of spring. In strolling along the familiar path she spotted the signs of new flower buds pushing through the soil. Birds sang overhead as she wound around the lake. Luckily, the earliness of the day meant she met few other bystanders. 

She walked at a slow pace, appreciating the sounds of nature waking up following months of slumber. After all, Rey felt she could relate to their rejoicing in the shedding of winter. The familiar sight of street vendors setting up for the day and local students cutting through the park to get to campus helped cheer her spirits as she pushed further along her course.

In retrospect, she should’ve known not to come back to that spot where, not even three months prior, she had set in motion a series of events that would lead to the pain she still carried around with her.

The man sitting on her bench was unmistakably Ben Solo. Wishing he perhaps appeared as a figment of her imagination, her hopes dashed to pieces when he turned to watch her approach. After months, she still relished in studying his face. She noticed that his features bore signs of exhaustion. Tracing the tired lines on the edges of his temples and the bags suspended from his eyes, she worked to push back any sympathy or concern.

Turning to retreat, she heard him utter a plea, “Rey, please, don’t leave.”

“Give me one good reason I shouldn’t,” She said, not bothering to face him.

He sighed, “Because I came to apologize to you.”

“Little late for that, don’t you think?” Rey’s voice began to wobble and she cursed herself for exposing any level of her pain to someone so undeserving of witnessing her grief.

“Yes,” Ben replied quietly. “I tried to honor your wish… I left you alone. I see now that was the wrong course of action.” 

Against the urging of her brain, she felt her feet turning her back to face him, where she bore witness to  _ his _ agony and grief. Never had she seen Ben look so torn apart with pain, his neutral expression replaced with a mask of hurt.

“Why?” She demanded. 

“Because that’s not what a good friend does,” He responded, standing swiftly to approach her. She remained still in defiance of his presence and he added, “Rey. I fucked  _ a lot  _ of things up. I don’t know if you could ever forgive me, but I would like to try and earn your friendship.”

Her head spun at this turn of events. She felt the tears she thought she had mastered returning to her eyes. Clearing her throat and lifting her chin, she responded, “Did you ever actually care about me?”

“Yes,” Ben breathed. “Of course I did. I told you once… I am many things but never a liar.”

She studied his eyes and found no trace of deception, only oceans of dark sadness. Her heart yearned for her to reach out to him but her head knew better. She shook her head vaguely and took a step backward.

“You don’t get to do  _ this _ ,” She hissed, fighting back the hot tears stinging her eyes. “You don’t get to turn up months later, asking for my forgiveness.”

Nodding, Ben cast his gaze toward the ground, “I don’t expect you to forgive me here and now. I’m just asking for a chance… to be your friend. Losing your friendship these last few months… it’s tearing me apart.”

Again, her eyes swept his face searching for the truth in his words. She saw his eyes glistening, as if with tears of his own, but perhaps that had only been a trick of the sunlight. 

“I need to think about it,” She responded after a protracted stretch of silence. Seeing a flicker of hope spark in his expression, she added, “This time… No secrets, got it?”

“You know all of mine already,” He replied, offering an imploring gaze. “I’d gladly tell you anything else you wish to know. Consider me an open book.”

His kindness, so soon after the heartbreak she had sustained, cut her to the bone. Recognizing the onset of a new bout of tears about to fall, she turned from him hastily and muttered over her shoulder, “I’ll see you around, Ben.”

Stumbling home, Rey evened her breathing. After mastering her anguish, she tried to evaluate Ben’s words with detached objectivity. She wanted so thoroughly to believe him but the protective walls she had relied on for her entire life kept forgiveness from fully leaking through.

As she readied for sleep that night, she pulled her phone out, and scrolling to his number, she clicked through to the red  **unblock** option. Hesitating with her finger over the option, she felt those walls falter for the fraction of a second it took for her to click.

The following week, she made her way back toward her bench, attempting not to think of Ben Solo, lest she  _ hope _ to find him there. He had given her space and not tried to contact her in between their last meeting and the present time, which she appreciated. Finn told her via Poe that Ben wanted things to be on her terms for a change. While the sentiment might be admirable, all she felt was more confused than ever.

Naturally, she discovered him on her bench, two cups of coffee placed precariously on the armrest. He glanced up from the book laying open in his lap as her feet approached where he sat. 

“I didn’t know if you’d come,” He admitted. “I brought two cups in case you did.”

He handed her one of the cups and she sat next to him in silence. He returned his gaze to his book and she allowed herself to relax into the moment. As she sipped from the still-warm cup, she watched two small children do cartwheels in the grass under a bright beam of sunlight.

“My defense went well,” She finally said out loud.

“Poe told me,” He responded gently. “I’m not surprised, though.”

“Yeah, well, it was great until I realized  _ now _ I have to write the actual dissertation,” She mumbled, still clutching to the coffee cup and feeling like a child clinging to a ragdoll for security.

Closing his book, he turned toward her with a gentle and reassuring smile, “It will fly by.” 

At that moment, Rey knew she had already forgiven him. Perhaps he knew it, too, because he lifted his own cup to his lips with a small smile lining his features. She marveled at the difference in this man from the one she had met back in December. His face no longer held a tortured sadness, as sunlight exposed the soft contentment he carried with him.

When she stood to leave a few moments later, he did not follow suit, which she appreciated. 

“See you around,” He echoed back to her, reopening his book and returning to where he had left off.

“Hey, Ben?” She spoke, capturing his attention once more. “I might be walking here on Sunday, and all that walking might make me hungry.”

He did not show his grin to her in full but she saw it as he nodded from behind where he had lifted his book to better catch the sunlight on the page. Contented with her olive branch, Rey continued her walk back out of the park to get ready for her next shift.

When Sunday morning came, Rey found herself up well before dawn. Unable to curb her restless energy at home, she chose to pull on her clothes and boots. She knew the nervousness stemmed from knowing she would see Ben again. While she still held her emotions for him at arm's length, she could not wholly suppress them. 

Sunrise crept over the sky as she walked her usual path, thankful for the unseasonable warmth near the end of March. Various joggers were out, along with the trashmen and a few early morning shopkeepers. 

The disappointment at finding their bench empty hit her square between the shoulder blades. Of course, the sun had barely risen when she took her seat, watching with interest as the surrounding world woke up around her.

“Rey!” She looked around to find him after about 10 minutes of waiting.

Flushed and wearing black sweatpants and a long sleeve slick black running shirt, his hairline was covered in sweat and the redness in his cheeks brought new life into his features. 

“I didn’t think you’d be here so early,” He said as he approached where she sat.

“Did you  _ run _ here?” She asked the stupid question before she could stop herself.

“I often run in the morning,” He panted slightly. She tried  _ not _ to linger on the very defined insight into his upper body that the skin-tight shirt was displaying to her. “I thought I would have time to get home before I met you for breakfast.”

She laughed, “I always seem to wreck your plans.”

Offering her a smile in return, he said, “Would you like to walk with me? I can make us breakfast at my place. It’s only about a 15-minute walk from here.”

Suddenly, she felt like she was back on the cliff’s edge again, facing down a dangerous path certain to end in disaster. When she glanced back at his face; however, she discovered nothing but a kind and unassuming warmth. 

“Okay,” She agreed, standing from her spot and falling into step alongside him.

Still trying to avoid the sensation of seeing his sweaty complexion and too-revealing sweatpants, she trained her eyes on the path ahead of them. They strolled in comfortable silence, watching as the city came to life. 

“My condo is in that building,” He pointed at a tall steel structure on the horizon.

Rey laughed, “That’s a lot of room to store a coffin in.”

“Well, I needed the space for all the bodies,” He shrugged back with a wink, causing her heart to return to the loud rhythmic pounding she associated with exclusively him. “Plus Poe used to crash on my couch all the time before he found a permanent place here.”

“Yeah, that seems about right for Dr. Dameron,” She responded. “I still can’t believe he and Finn are a thing.”

She tried to hide her shudder of horror but he caught sight of it and let out a loud and genuine laugh. This display of spontaneous pleasure made her want to bottle that sound and replay it anytime she felt sad.

“I mean, I’m happy for them but it’s so…  _ weird _ ,” She continued. “Finn’s been in love with him forever but I never thought it was mutual!”

Ben hummed in ascent, “Well, Poe is unpredictable like that. I had a feeling something was different when he stopped getting coffee with me and switched to your shop.”

Staring back with her jaw open, Rey forced herself to respond after a moment of incredulity, “He’s had a thing for Finn for that long?” 

Ben shrugged, “It makes sense, doesn’t it? Poe’s not great with romance, despite being a hopeless romantic for his entire life. I started to think he might never make a move.”

The conversation had carried them to the lobby of Ben’s building and he swiped his key card for entry. As they climbed into the elevator, she mulled over this new piece of information with interest. 

“I feel better about it knowing that,” Rey admitted after a moment. “I was a little worried Dr. Dameron might not be the commitment type.”

“Unfortunately, Poe is always in it for the long-haul,” Ben replied as they stepped off the elevator and turned down the hall leading to his condo. 

He pushed the grey door open and Rey found herself overwhelmed with intrusive curiosity. She trailed him through the entryway, absorbing as much as she could of the living space. Unsurprisingly, black comprised the most dominating color in both the living room and kitchen area. 

Large bookshelves covered the walls, and Rey fought back the urge to go and examine each and every title on display. Instead, she turned to where he stood in the kitchen, tugging ingredients from the fridge. She watched as he lined everything up precisely on the dark countertop.

“Hope you like eggs and bacon,” He said, lifting a skillet from under his cabinet. 

“I like any food I don’t have to make for myself,” She replied easily and slid onto one of the high stools lining the bartop connected to the island where he set about preparing the food.

“Fair enough,” He grinned again. “In that case, feel free to check out my books. I know it’s killing you not to.”

Rolling her eyes, she stood again, leaving him to finish making their breakfast in peace as she searched his collection. Organized by subject, Ben’s cases contained everything from natural sciences to biographies to poetry. In the middle of one of the shelves, she saw a first edition copy of  _ Knights of Ren  _ alongside a framed photo of him with Luke.

“That was the day I found out I was a best-selling author,” Ben’s voice startled her from how close he stood. “It was a good day.”

She turned to him, “What happened… between you and Luke?”

Handing her a plate, Ben motioned for her to join him back at the bar to eat their breakfast. Once they had settled into the meal, he responded carefully, “After the success of my first novel, Luke pushed me to write a second. I had never planned on writing the first, so I certainly didn’t intend to complete a sequel. But I agreed, mostly because I wanted to please him. A few years passed and sales were down at his company. He begged me to let him begin promoting a sequel for some good press. I refused because I hadn’t written a word and, at that point, I didn’t think I ever would.”

Rey listened to his words intently between bites of her breakfast as he continued, “He… well, he didn’t take it too well. He said things he couldn’t take back. I said things I couldn’t take back. Years of trying to prove myself worthy to my family just exploded. I cut off all contact with him and my parents. I sold my sequel to First Order Publishing out of spite.”

Satisfied to finally have the truth from him, Rey observed, “And they just let you go?”

Ben shrugged, and after he swallowed a bite he added, “Pretty much. Which only made me feel worse.”

Understanding cascaded down upon Rey. No one had ever fought for Ben Solo. Not his uncle. Not his family. And she realized, not even herself. Reaching out to place her palm over his left hand, she gripped his fingers tightly.

“You deserved better,” She said gently. “But your worth never depended on them.”

He did not remove his fingers from underneath hers, “My pride got in the way.”

Returning to her plate, she nodded, “Well, I think we’re all guilty of that from time to time.”

Before she could notice, most of the morning had passed, spent discussing books and helping clean his kitchen. They were in a heated discussion about Catholic symbolism in fantasy as a genre when her phone vibrated. In checking it, she was stunned to see the time was well past noon. 

“Shit,” She looked up apologetically. “I forgot I promised to cover for Kaydel today.”

He smiled, “No problem. I should probably shower and do some grading.”

As she gathered her things and prepared to leave, she teased, “Try to leave at least  _ one _ encouraging comment today.”

He walked her to the door and said smoothly, “No promises. See you later.”

March bled into April and she found herself spending more and more time with Ben Solo, much to Rose’s horror. She knew Rose’s concern sprang from a genuine place and Rey loved her for that. Luckily, Finn seemed to be in Rey’s corner, likely thanks to his boyfriend’s urging. Rey’s gratitude at having Finn buffer some of Rose’s caustic edges could never be fully expressed. 

Some days, Ben would show up to walk her from campus to the shop. On other occasions, he would meet her before daylight at their bench after his jogs to accompany her to campus. One Sunday, they visited the first farmer’s market of the season held in one of the university’s parking lots. She learned a lot about Ben Solo in those moments. Gone was the once sullen and gloomy man around others. He had been replaced by an affable and generous person, willing to talk to strangers and barter in a variety of languages for Rey’s favorite fruits. 

As if a long night ended and revealed dazzling sunlight, Rey realized in a startling moment as she watched Ben struggle to use chopsticks at a shared lunch on her birthday, that the man she felt she had loved before had never actually been the real Ben Solo. The thought struck her to her core and her hunger vanished with the comprehension of her emotions.

“Hey, I wanted to give you this to review,” He said, distracting her from her epiphany as he collected the boxes of takeout from his counter. He then pushed a thick stack of papers toward her.

She glanced down at the cover page and gasped, “You finished it?” 

“Well, I finished the first draft,” He shrugged. “I wanted to give it to you to read and give notes.”

Stunned at what she held in her hands, she asked, “Why me?”

“Because you loved the first book, so you won’t bullshit me and…” He paused before making up his mind to proceed. “And because you’re my best friend. I’d want you to read it even if you didn’t know my pen name. Just… promise you’ll wait till you get home. I could never live with myself if you got hit by a bus because you were too busy reading this to pay attention during your walk home.”

Nodding in amazement, she grinned up to him, “This is the best birthday present ever.”

“I hoped you’d think so,” He laughed. “Have fun at your party tonight.”

“What party?” She blinked and he let out a curse. “Poe didn’t tell me what I was invited to was a  _ surprise _ party.”

She blanched, “I hate surprises. I’m gonna kill Finn and Rose. Thanks for the heads up. Guess I better go home and get ready. I know someone’s gonna post my picture on social media tonight.”

Tucking his manuscript carefully in her backpack, she walked to the door, sad to leave their shared space and return to the real world. He followed her, catching the door after she pulled it open. He stared down at her with such tenderness that she almost abandoned all her senses and gave into the desire throbbing in her chest. 

Instead, he said, “Happy birthday, Rey. See you tomorrow. I’ll be the one in black.”

Laughing as she left, she replied, “I’m counting on it.”

She strolled home, glad to know when she went to meet Rose and Finn at the shop that evening it would be for a surprise party. She supposed she could forgive her friends for going against her party wishes. In entering her apartment, she placed her backpack in its usual place. Fretting about what she should wear to her party, she forgot about the manuscript until well after she had gotten ready. 

Discovering the thick volume of pages when she was searching for her spare phone charger, she pulled the draft out carefully, as if the paper might spontaneously combust underneath her fingertips. She sat on her sofa, turning the first few pages until the sight of her own name stopped her.

**_Dedicated to Rey  
_ ** **_for inspiring me to join the light side_ **

Her heart constricted and broke open as she read the words he had obviously chosen with the care of knowing only she could fully understand their meaning. Happiness bubbled within her and spilled over in the joyful tears lining her eyelashes.

Knowing she needed to leave for the party, she sat the manuscript in a safe place and tried to fix her makeup as best she could. The imprint of his dedication page stayed in her mind as she hustled toward the shop, seeing a large group of people congregated inside. She grinned and pushed the door open to find Finn and Rose leading the group in a shout of “Happy Birthday!”

“You know I hate surprises,” Rey laughed, coming toward her friends and seeing Dr. Dameron at Finn’s left.

“Which is why Finn had me tell Ben because we knew he’d tell you,” Her boss winked back. “And don’t you look beautiful.”

Rey pulled each of them into a hug, “Finn… Rose… Poe,” she ignored the latter’s fist pump of victory. “Thank you. I don’t know what I did to deserve friends as great as you all but… this has been the best day.”

“We love you, honey,” Rose smiled. “Now come get some cake before Beau eats it all.”

Later that evening she found Finn, slightly tipsy, swaying in the corner as Poe chatted animatedly with Kaydel about whatever animal control issue her landlady was confronting this week. Sliding next to him, Rey wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled him close.

“I wish Ben was here,” She admitted. “That would make it a perfect party.”

Finn gave her a sloppy grin, “You really love him, don’t you, pumpkin?”

The last three weeks played through her mind at his words. Jane Austen had put it best when she observed that lovers were often in the middle before they realized what had begun. She thought of Ben and found nothing but a deep and warm love in her heart.

“Yeah, I really think I do,” She whispered back. 

They were disrupted when Rose came over, insisting they dance with her and Paige in the middle of the shop. Rey took her hands and allowed the joy of that evening to envelop her. In watching her friends sing ‘Happy Birthday’ offkey, she knew she would always remember this as one of the happiest days of her entire life.

When she got home, she picked up the manuscript again and began to read in earnest. She fell asleep still clutching the volume in her hands, dreaming of Ben Solo and two twin suns dipping below a dark skyline.

The following morning Rey once again rose before the sun, too giddy with nerves to go back to sleep. Instead, she fumbled to pull on her clothes and comb her hair back before brushing her teeth with clumsy fingers. She knew this day would bring with it a shift--for better or worse--but she couldn’t keep her feelings a secret for even just for 24 more hours.

Her path to the park was as empty as usual but she felt grateful to have no distractions from the dialogue running through her mind. Daylight had barely begun to peak from over the horizon when she reached the bench where so much had changed. The mists of spring hovered above the sidewalk's edge and after only a few moments of waiting, she caught sight of him emerging from the fog at an easy pace.

He came upon her, hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans before sliding down next to her with a guarded expression on his face. Rey couldn’t help herself from beaming back up at him. 

“I’ve been thinking… I never asked you,” He said after a moment. “Why  _ did  _ you tell me to never contact you again?”

Rey felt her happiness take a hit but she responded, “I met Gwen.”

“She does have that effect on people,” He replied noting her bitter tone. “I don’t know what she said to you--”

Rey sucked in a breath between her teeth, “She told me about… your relationship. She warned me not to be disappointed when you dropped someone who was, well, nothing in comparison to you.”

The only clue to his anger came in the form of his curled fist but after a moment he relaxed his hand and reached over to cup her face in his large palm.

“Perhaps she thinks you’re nothing… but you’re not to me,” He said with a fierce tenderness in his eyes. “Gwen and I dated years ago. It was one of my mistakes but that’s long behind me. I only asked her there to discuss purchasing my book rights.” 

Rey felt tears on the edges of her eyes again and she let out a laugh, “We really fucked things up, didn’t we?”

Jointing in her quiet laughter, he gazed down as he cradled her face between his hands, he added, “You have such beautiful eyes. If only I had just told you after our Christmas encounter...”

“Told me what?” She asked, placing her own hands on his wrist, relishing in the warmth of his touch.

His eyes searched hers and he smirked, “You’re telling me you haven’t figured it out yet?”

When she shook her head in response he continued, “It was like I woke up after years and years of sleepwalking through life. When you extended your hand to me, I was wholly yours. I never wanted to look at anything else but your face. And I don’t know if I will ever deserve you, but I think I’ve been in love with you since that night.”

The tears slipped from her eyes and trickled down to his fingers but he didn’t move. Pinks and oranges stained the skyline as Rey stared up at him, her heart more full than she might have once believed possible. 

“I’ve loved you since you kissed me on a balcony at midnight,” Rey whispered back. 

He smiled, “And I realized I loved you when I had to carry you to bed afterward. I think Poe knew then, too, because he figured out I asked him to the party to make you feel more comfortable.”

Rey moved her face closer to his, “You know, I think you might be a hopeless romantic, after all.”

Instead of replying, Ben leaned down to press his mouth against hers, transporting them back to a time and place where only they existed. She breathed him in and wove her fingers into his soft hair as his lips moved in sync with her own. When they broke apart, each was panting and giddy with happiness.

“Do you still find me barely tolerable and not remotely interesting?” She smirked up at him.

He rolled his eyes before responding, “Only in that I could barely tolerate only having you in a platonic sense from this moment forward.”

She knitted her fingers through his and pulled him gently off the bench, “Well, that’s an arrangement that I can live with.”

They began the walk toward his apartment, where she intended to get far more than just breakfast. The sunlight caused the mist to evaporate as they strolled, hand-in-hand, through the wide city streets.

“Oh, I wanted to ask you,” Ben smiled down at her as they entered his building. “My parent’s gala is at the end of this month. Will you come with me?”

“Like… a date?” Rey teased back. 

“As my girlfriend,” He clarified as they stepped into the elevator. 

“Oh, in that case,” Rey smirked, standing on her tip-toes to kiss him again. “I’d love to.”

**_FIN._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: All the epigraphs in this story are from "Daylight" by Taylor Swift. (And they're all from Ben's POV.)
> 
> I have a feeling this won't be my last foray into this universe. ;) After all, there is more to a relationship than just the beginning.


End file.
